The Top Ten Reasons Why Virgin Val Sucks
10. She called me a one-hit-wonder.
9. She doesn’t appreciate the endearing nickname I gave her.
8. She makes me write stupid blogs about her at four in the morning.
7. She’s encouraging people not to have sex.
6. She blew me off when I asked her out.
5. She has a crush on a douche bag.
4. She won’t answer any of my calls.
3. She’s such a tease with her look-but-don’t-touch policy.
2. I played a whole effing concert just for her and she didn’t come even though she told me she would. (You’re such a liar!)
And the #1 reason why Virgin Val sucks?
I still want her anyway.

Kelly Oram