There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.

Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th' ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward.

The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better--it is just turning around as usual.

There are no friends at cards or world politics.

The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual.

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.