There is also a CAN OF PEANUTS on the desk. Ha ha, oh DAD. You won't be falling for THAT one again any time soon.
A severe peanut allergy is a terrible affliction to cope with.
Andrew Hussie
Related
I believe that there is a Matrix and... to be more accurate I am in the Pornography Matrix.
DEYTH BANGER Two weevils crept from the crumbs. 'You see those weevils, Stephen?' said Jack solemnly.
...
PATRICK O'BRIAN Ha ha ha ha!
Tee-hee-hee!
Mwa-ha mwa-ha!
Kee kee kee!
Ho ho ho ho!
Haw-he...
RICHELLE E. GOODRICH And because you not always can keep your eyes shut there comes the real trouble--the heart pain--the...
JOSEPH CONRAD You're a Shadowhunter," he said. "You know how to deal with injuries." He slid his stele across the ...
CASSANDRA CLARE It's going to give you nightmares for the rest of your wasted life."
Oh, my God, I was so badas...
JAMES PATTERSON Oh, this is a real emergency?” Alec exclaimed, and brightened immeasurably. For a moment Magnus fe...
CASSANDRA CLARE Jace slammed his hand down on the stele. “Clary-“
“She said she doesn’t want it,” sai...
CASSANDRA CLARE You slept with Curran and you didn’t tell me? I’m your best friend.”
“It didn’t come ...
ILONA ANDREWS Oh, you're Fate?" said Cohen, as they reached the gaming table. "Always wanted to meet you. I though...
TERRY PRATCHETT Got your text,” he said when I climbed out. “How much did it hurt?”
“Not at all,” I s...
KELLEY ARMSTRONG You'll get in," Quince assures me, proving once again that he can read my mind, even without a magic...
TERA LYNN CHILDS Life is not a game. Still, in this life, we choose the games we live to play.
J.R. RIM Ha, ha! keep time: how sour sweet music is,
When time is broke and no proportion kept!
So is ...
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE Me lose brain? Uh, oh! Ha ha ha! Why I laugh?
DAN CASTELLANETA Yes, cower! If you simpletons truly understood what you have just seen, you would be down on your kn...
RICHARD ROBERTS Hi," I return, gesturing to the fish. "Nice catch."
"Yeah. I'm kind of impressed with myself. I...
SOPHIE JORDAN Dear Rocky,
Here I am taking my pencil in my hand to say hello, hoping you are in the bes...
ROCKY GAMEZ The reason I want you to put a shirt on is, well, because, um..."
"You've never seen a guy wit...
SIMONE ELKELES There is a close relationship between the "ha-ha" of humor and the "aha!" of discovery
ROGER VON OECH The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in a...
LENNY BRUCE Dad, thanks to TV, I can't remember what happened 8 minutes ago. No, really, it's a serious problem....
NANCY CARTWRIGHT Jane,' she said, climbing down from the chair. 'Remember last year when I built that model wind towe...
JEANNE BIRDSALL Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?"
"You tell me." Ha! Walke...
ILONA ANDREWS The way those hippies look, you can't tell the boys from the girls! Ha ha ha! I saw a girl yesterda...
SENATOR LONG ... Where did you go?”
“Down below.”
“Ugh,” she said. “I’ve hear...
ANN AGUIRRE His life seemed like a deck of cards, and in the midst of all those two’s and three’s someone ha...
TEKOA MANNING Let me also say I wanna make you sandwhiches,
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Th...
ANDREA GIBSON Life is a re-discovery.
BRIAN BLESSED If you think that life is a celebration full of party poppers and merry go rounds it's not it's a ga...
GARY F EVANS... Life Is a Misconception.
DEYTH BANGER Life is a desire!
DEYTH BANGER To trust someone you must firstly remember that it is a two way street that will go all the way if y...
GARY F EVANS... It is a lie.
ARTHUR MILLER As soon as the rocky coast line of the island came into view, I ordered one of the ropes to wrap aro...
RICK RIORDAN I'm not stupid and I'm not brainy. I just lack execution sometimes.
I'm more of a "I should ha...
ELLIE WILLIAMS The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an ho...
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LENNY BRUCE I couldn't help but feel a little smug at the prospect of finding my phone this way. I was going to ...
K.J. MCPIKE Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that d...
STEPHEN WRIGHT Plunging in “truths” about God is like walking on the bottom of a sea that is not there, searchi...
MARIANA FULGER Like the time I threw out Pete Murphy of Bauhaus for saying those six immortal words to Slim when he...
PETER HOOK The best thing you can do for your kids is to show them God working in you on a daily basis.
CRAIG GROESCHEL Georgie: I feel stupid.
Andrew: What are you talking about, you feel stupid? You just wal...
THERESA REBECK By the side of the everlasting Why there is a Yes--a transitory Yes if you like, but a Yes.
E.M. FORSTER Don't untie me," she said, "no matter what happens or how much I plead. I'll want to go straight ove...
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J.K. ROWLING Life is a gamble, at terrible odds - if it was a bet you wouldn't take it.
TOM STOPPARD oh darling,
The darkness is a gift,
And when you realise this,
You will never be...
NIKKI ROWE Mother Superior jump the gun...
-The Beatles, Happiness is a Warm Gun
LAUREN MYRACLE For me, my life is a journey.
JAY ELECTRONICA Ha, not to discredit anyone's photo album...but...there can never be a snapshot of a ll things beaut...
DEDRICK D. L. PITTER (All the grief she had suffered over her lifetime had moulded her face into a mask of eternal sadnes...
JEAN SASSON (...) ha! what is hope? a butterfly in a box
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MOONSHINE NOIRE 1. You left a multipack of Mars Bars on top of your wardrobe. Can I have one? Dad x
2. I ...
HOLLY SMALE He compuesto un poema a la victoria:
¡Quién lo hubiera creído!
¡El doctor MacRae ha so...
JEAN WEBSTER Jeff: I understand you guys had a good day today?
Peanut: Yes we had a great day!
Jose: No...
JEFF DUNHAM Love isn't the work of the tender and the gentle;
Love is the work of wrestlers.
The one w...
JALALUDDIN MEVLANA RUMI The opportunity to decieve others is ever present and often tempting, and each instance of deception...
SAM HARRIS Life is a risk.
CARMELO ANTHONY The sun shines through the window
And the sun shines through your hair
It seems like you'r...
MAGGIE STIEFVATER Is Tyson okay?" I asked.
The question seemed to take my dad by surprise. He's fine. Doing much ...
RICK RIORDAN I first set the needle on this record and bingo! the whole mechanism begins: the record player's arm...
WALT DISNEY COMPANY Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha! (looking at Uruguay on the globe).
MATT GROENING Poseidon grinned. "You're doing well with those new cabins, by the way. I suppose this means I can c...
RICK RIORDAN I'm fucking the grave, I thought, I'm bringing the dead back to life...
CHARLES BUKOWSKI This is it, folks. This is the idea which has kept me virtually unknown for the past 16 years. I hav...
BILL HICKS Ke$ha is her art; there is no curtain you peel back to find the real person. And with Ke$ha, you nev...
BENNY BLANCO There will be time, there will be time
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T.S. ELIOT HA HA HA HA HA! I, Penelope…
RICHARD ROBERTS May your 'Ha Ha' moments be equivalent to your 'Ah Ha' moments.
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Before you examine the body of a patient,
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SUZY KASSEM How do you feel?” she asked, trying to fluff his pillow. “Other than terrible, I mean.”
H...
JULIA QUINN Even in a dream, even at a posh ball, the Nac Mac Feegle knew how to behave. You charged in madly, a...
TERRY PRATCHETT Severe isn't a word normally associated with a cold. Severe is for weather or third-degree burns...N...
CELIA RIVENBARK Without music, life is a journey through a desert.
PAT CONROY Life is a journey. When we stop, things don't go right.
POPE FRANCIS Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you...
C. JOYBELL C. Ha. "Against my will I am sent to bid you come into dinner." There's a double meaning in that.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE When he gets up there they go this old guy's gonna pitch to me, ha ha, they kind of make fun of him ...
JACKIE BROWN I am a Smedry, and we do ridiculous, unexpected, eccentric things like this all the time! Ha-ha!
BRANDON SANDERSON Come live, and be merry, and join with me,To sing the sweet chorus of 'Ha ha he!'
WILLIAM BLAKE Too many people buy things they don't even need, with money they don't even have, to impress people ...
ALI-AZRI HASSAN How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful.
EVANS G. VALENS Ha ha ha! She's another one of those 16-year-old actresses, and she's making an album. Like, NO!
RED WINGS Sour Milk
You can't make it
turn sweet
again.
Once
it was an innocen...
DIANE WAKOSKI Where's your dog?" Peter's voice came from within the gushing stream of water. Justin thought he mus...
MEG ROSOFF Nay, tempt me not to love again:
There was a time when love was sweet;
Dear Nea! had I known...
SIR THOMAS MORE A Women who can cope with the terrible twos can cope with anything
JUDITH CLABES I'm not saying that I'm better than anyone... I'm just saying that I'm one-of-a-kind.
C LIONG circle back, you're nearly through.
The next one, then just one more clue.
Summer's comin...
MEGAN FRAZER BLAKEMORE Do you want to improve the world?
I don't think it can be done.
The world is sacred....
LAO TZU Spector is a good guy, but he's a nut. Ha, ha, ha! You know, I love him, but he's unpredicta...
IKE TURNER [Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.]
Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a "Dou...
BILL WATTERSON Music do I hear?Ha, ha! keep time: how sour sweet music is,When time is broke and no proportion kept...
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE Duncan Gray cam here to woo,
Ha, ha, the wooing o't!
On blithe Yuletide when we were fou,
...
ROBERT BURNS So you're in love with her?' she went on.
A word again ... When the minds have learnt to...
JOHN WYNDHAM Look out!! Ha! Now you've done it! Now you've broken a lamp, and you've got no one to blame it on bu...
CHARLES M. SCHULZ Anyway, we have something for you.”
“Is it another awkward anecdote about me breast-feeding...
BECKY ALBERTALLI Life is a school of probability.
WALTER BAGEHOT
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ANDREW WEIL Today I am announcing my support for Senator Barack Obama for President of the United States of Amer...
JOE ANDREW I grew up in Europe, and soccer was the first organized game I played. When we moved back to the U.S...
ANDREW LUCK I always feel that crime films are about capitalism because it is a genre where it is perfectly acce...
ANDREW DOMINIK American businesses are struggling to pay outrageous, exploitive insurance bills for their employees...
ANDREW WEIL I've always been fascinated and stared at maps for hours as a kid. I've especially been most...
ANDREW BIRD My long-held fear is that Mr. Obama is hiding something about his education. During the endless 2008...
ANDREW BREITBART Music was transmitted over the airwaves in the '60s - for free, even - astonishingly enough with...
ANDREW ROSENTHAL No perfectionist has ever met his own benchmarks, and no one so famished for admiration has ever rec...
ANDREW SOLOMON Surplus wealth is a sacred trust which its possessor is bound to administer in his lifetime for the ...
ANDREW CARNEGIE The adaptive markets hypothesis says that all economic institutions, like our own species, develop a...
ANDREW LO I think the only kind of acceptable evangelization is the evangelization of good example.
ANDREW GREELEY Clearly the human story is one of acceleration. There has been a Moore curve in terms of the number ...
ANDREW MARR The most important role models should and could be parents and teachers. But that said, once you'...
ANDREW SHUE If you can get a teen leader in each sector of a student population, you can pull people in. Everybo...
ANDREW SHUE The Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute f...
ANDREW BROWN I am a vigilant monarchist. I want to see things evolve. The direction the monarchy seems to be movi...
ANDREW MOTION I got quite cross when I heard about Emma Thompson adapting 'Sense and Sensibility.' It was ...
ANDREW DAVIES Human beings and plants have co-evolved for millions of years, so it makes perfect sense that our co...
ANDREW WEIL The World Health Organization has recognized acupuncture as effective in treating mild to moderate d...
ANDREW WEIL It is to be regretted that the rich and powerful too often bend the acts of government to their own ...
ANDREW JACKSON The jellyfish doesn't actively move anywhere - it's just moved with the tides. Is that what ...
ANDREW BUCHAN Nothing is given to man on earth - struggle is built into the nature of life, and conflict is possib...
ANDREW BERNSTEIN One of the things I realized... is how few success stories there are in websites or products or busi...
ANDREW MASON There's no such thing as altruism.
ANDREW TOBIAS Fitting a walk into a busy life can be challenging, so I suggest walking rather driving to work or t...
ANDREW WEIL We're all affected by music. It has the power to inspire, uplift us, change our moods, and even ...
ANDREW WEIL I think the reason I'm a writer is because first, I was a reader. I loved to read. I read a lot ...
ANDREW CLEMENTS I would as soon leave my son a curse as the almighty dollar.
ANDREW CARNEGIE Outside of the Constitution we have no legal authority more than private citizens, and within it we ...
ANDREW JOHNSON It was settled by the Constitution, the laws, and the whole practice of the government that the enti...
ANDREW JACKSON The planter, the farmer, the mechanic, and the laborer... form the great body of the people of the U...
ANDREW JACKSON