This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!


Henny Youngman

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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop. -Henny Youngman.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
EDWARD ABBEY
The dog has seldom been successful in pulling man up to its level of sagacity, but man has frequentl...
JAMES THURBER
Who hath a Wolfe for his mate, needes a Dog for his man.
GEORGE HERBERT
The man who talks to his wife about his dog instead of singing a love song is a wise man.
VIKRANT PARSAI
To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
ALDOUS HUXLEY
To his dog, every man is Napolean, hence the constant popularity of dogs.
ALDOUS HUXLEY
Who's the bigger person in the end? The man who allows his dog to do what he does or the dog, who gi...
BRUCE DERN
He tied it to his dog tags, which were tied to the belt loop in his pocket.
CHRIS GREEN
I think his heart was hurting more than his hands were, because his dog was so precious to him.
MARK OLIVER
The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.
MARK TWAIN
The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's
MARK TWAIN
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around ...
TOMMY COOPER
No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark.
NATHANIEL MACON
Every dog has his day, unless he loses his tail, then he has a weak-end.
JUNE CARTER
He fired his weapon, striking the dog and causing the dog to release the person.
CAPT. TODD PENY
He fired his weapon, striking the dog and causing the dog to release the person.
CAPT. TODD PENEY
As dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to this folly.
BIBLE
The Dog and the Shadow A DOG, crossing a bridge over a stream with a piece of flesh in his mouth, sa...
AESOP
When a man tries to communicate with an animal, there's a relationship between them, and you gen...
DAVID SELTZER
Does not the gratitude of the dog put to shame any man who is ungrateful to his benefactors?
SAINT BASIL
I have to go see a man about a dog...
DAVID MAHONEY
When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem
EDWARD ABBEY
A simple fuck is one thing, but let a man sleep with you just once and he thinks he can bring his do...
MICHEL FABER
Using a dog as a narrator has limitations and it has advantages. The limitations are that a dog cann...
GARTH STEIN
I am his Highness dog at Kew; pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you?
ALEXANDER POPE
I am his Highness' dog at Kew; Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you?
ALEXANDER POPE
Every dog must have his day.
JONATHAN SWIFT
My childhood was spent with dogs, and I work with dogs surrounding me. This relationship is hardly u...
DAVID WROBLEWSKI
A man has his distinctive personal scent which his wife, his children and his dog can recognize. A c...
W. H. AUDEN
A dog in a kennel barks at his fleas; a dog hunting does not notice them
PROVERB
I am his Highness' dog at Kew;
Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you?
ALEXANDER POPE
My dog's name is Tucker, and his DNA is unidentifiable and suspect.
BRUCE CAMERON
But was there ever dog that praised his fleas?
WILLIAM BUTLER YEATS
They call me the dog man.
JEFF ULSAMER
His faithful dog salutes the smiling guest.
THOMAS CAMPBELL
When the man was disgraced and told to go away, he was allowed to ask all the animals whether any of...
RICHARD ADAMS
Sam came home and packed up his shoes and some extra clothes and took them to him. Sam even took ext...
LINDA MULLEADY
Every time you stop a school, you will have to build a jail. What you gain at one end you lose at th...
MARK TWAIN
A dog has one aim in life... to bestow his heart.
J.R. ACKERLEY
Then said Abishai the son of Zeruiah unto the king, Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king?...
BIBLE
When you're dealing with a dog this size, you have to be the alpha dog.
ANDREA JARRELL
A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than an owner can express with his tongue in hours.
KAREN DAVISON
This boy needs a dog.
What makes you say that?
He needs someone or something to play with ...
KENT HARUF
A Blue Dog, you know, is the opposite of a yellow dog. And a yellow dog was somebody who was willing...
MIKE THOMPSON
Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in o...
ANDRES SEGOVIA
The loneliest, most down-on-his-luck person can have a dog who adores him. The most bitter, sour per...
W. BRUCE CAMERON
The loneliest, most down-on-his-luck person can have a dog who adores him. The most bitter, sour per...
BRUCE CAMERON
No one can fully understand the meaning of love unless he's owned a dog. A dog can show you more hon...
GENE HILL
I do not know whether it came from his own innate depravity or from the promptings of his master, bu...
ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE
Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in th...
SIR WINSTON CHURCHILL
Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in th...
WINSTON S. CHURCHILL
Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in th...
WINSTON CHURCHILL
You've baked a really lovely cake, but then you've used dog shit for frosting.
STEVE JOBS
Gentlemen of the Jury: The one, absolute, unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world...
GEORGE GRAHAM VEST
A loose pit bull and another smaller dog rushed up to us from a neighboring yard. The normal sniffin...
BOB SCHERMACHER
The Mischievous Dog A dog used to run up quietly to the heels of everyone he met, and to bite them w...
AESOP
The dog always dies. Go to the library and pick out a book with an award sticker and a dog on the co...
GORDON KORMAN
I do honour the very flea of his dog.
BEN JONSON
Like a bullet out of a gun. His big paws had caught the dog before the dog could even flinch.
MICHAEL GRANT
Here we have a man who did all he could for his company and was thrown out. But a dog will repay loy...
JOYCE BROTHERS
The Scottish Executive would be more honest if they'd given Tom Shaw a white stick anda guide dog, t...
SANDRA BROWN
We make it mandatory: wherever they go, that dog must be with them.
HELEN ARNOLD
It is the job of the dog trainer to summon the dog's genetics, not to impose man's will over...
DONALD MCCAIG
Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, ...
ANDRES SEGOVIA
The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to fe...
WARREN BENNIS
The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to fe...
WARREN G. BENNIS
You can't surprise a man with a dog.
CINDY CHUPACK
Casper, she said someone has to hold your leash.”
The dog barked.
Then he dipped his hea...
BRIGID KEMMERER
Minerva, kindly go to Hagrid's house, where you will find a large black dog sitting in the pumpkin p...
J.K. ROWLING
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
Without commitment, you are like a dog chasing his tail.
JOHN DI LEMME
But where's the wild dog that has praised his fleas?
WILLIAM BUTLER YEATS
The cat will mew, and dog will have his day.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
The Traveler and His Dog A Traveler about to set out on a journey saw his Dog stand at the door stre...
AESOP
Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in o...
ANDRE SEGOVIA
If you are a host to your guest, be a host to his dog also
RUSSIAN PROVERB
No matter how eloquently a dog may bark, he cannot tell you that his parents were poor, but honest.
BERTRAND RUSSELL
He is not an American Kennel Club dog who needs to prove his breed.
DAVID LANE
A cat will look down to a man. A dog will look up to a man. But a pig will look you straight in t...
UNATTRIBUTED AUTHOR
A dog – a collie – went up to Eric, looked up at his face, and growled.
“Shoo,” Eric s...
CHARLAINE HARRIS
Our dog kind of got a little jumpy ... and the dogs went to kind of say hello and he swung his stick...
AMANDA OGDEN
Minerva, kindly go down to Hagrid’s house, where you will find a large black dog sitting in the pu...
J.K. ROWLING
Obviously he lives with his dogs and takes good care of them, they are much better off with him than...
FRANCESCA CANTALINI
(Police) formed a perimeter in the area, were just sort of watching the dog as he roamed around the ...
COURTNEY YOUNG
The cat is the mirror of his human's mind...the dog mirrors his human's physical appearance.
WINIFRED CARRIERE
A man who graduated high in his class at Yale Law School and made partnership in a top law firm woul...
BARBRA STREISAND
The Dog in the Manger A dog lay in a manger, and by his growling and snapping prevented the oxen fr...
AESOP
The owner has to know what kind of DVD will excite his or her dog.
ROBSON MARINHO
Everyone talks to their dog, and then in your mind the dog talks back. A talking dog can provide the...
MIKE MILLS
Some philosophers can't bear to say simple things, like "Suppose a dog bites a man." They feel oblig...
DANIEL C. DENNETT
They were concerned about health violations, but it's a Seeing Eye dog, so where the owner goes, the...
ANGELO VAUGHN
If you take a dog which is starving and feed him and make him prosperous, that dog will not bite you...
MARK TWAIN
I loved Duncan and I loved being his mother but I wasn't sure I was prepared to be only his mother. ...
JENNIFER BELLE
We have to defend the Dog House. If we can't go undefeated through the season, we'll go undefeated i...
ANJESSA EVANS
She's a very tough, calm, sensible dog. This dog lives this terrific life in California. All I used ...
BO BENGTSON
This dog, yesterday morning, we didn't think it was going to survive an hour. We were very concerned...
DENNIS MCCULLOUGH
The love of a dog for his master is notorious; as an old writer quaintly says, A dog is the only thi...
DR. LAUDER LINDSAY
What a dog I got. His favourite bone is in my arm!
UNKNOWN
One dog barks at something and a hundred bark at his sound
CHINESE PROVERBS

More Henny Youngman

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
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You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
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My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he salute...
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I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another si...
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He g...
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How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
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Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o clock.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!
HENNY YOUNGMAN
Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as w...
HENNY YOUNGMAN
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little a...
HENNY YOUNGMAN
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up -- they have no holidays.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
If your going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for in the morning, sleep late.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a litt...
HENNY YOUNGMAN
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one t...
HENNY YOUNGMAN
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill...
HENNY YOUNGMAN
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week...
HENNY YOUNGMAN
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep lat...
HENNY YOUNGMAN
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
I have all the money I'll ever need - if I die by 4 today.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow, sleep late.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop. -Henny Youngman.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
The patient says "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"
HENNY YOUNGMAN
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What ...
HENNY YOUNGMAN
My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet fi...
HENNY YOUNGMAN
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
HENNY YOUNGMAN
A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my...
HENNY YOUNGMAN
Doctor says to a man "You're pregnant!" The man says "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says ...
HENNY YOUNGMAN
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says ...
HENNY YOUNGMAN
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says "Limp!
HENNY YOUNGMAN
Ştii ce înseamnă să vii acasă seara la o femeie care să îţi ofere dragoste, afecţiune şi u...
HENNY YOUNGMAN
What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!
HENNY YOUNGMAN
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angele...
HENNY YOUNGMAN
How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
HENNY YOUNGMAN
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said "Cough!"
HENNY YOUNGMAN
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
HENNY YOUNGMAN
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my...
HENNY YOUNGMAN
Take my wife... Please!
HENNY YOUNGMAN
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that...
HENNY YOUNGMAN
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
HENNY YOUNGMAN
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
HENRY YOUNGMAN
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
HENRY YOUNGMAN
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little a...
HENRY YOUNGMAN
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back
HENRY YOUNGMAN
If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving.
HENRY YOUNGMAN
I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock
HENRY YOUNGMAN
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say
HENRY YOUNGMAN
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
HENRY YOUNGMAN
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
HENRY YOUNGMAN
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
HENRY YOUNGMAN
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
HENRY YOUNGMAN
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
HENRY YOUNGMAN
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
HENRY YOUNGMAN
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
HENRY YOUNGMAN
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
HENRY YOUNGMAN
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
HENRY YOUNGMAN
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week...
HENRY YOUNGMAN
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
HENRY YOUNGMAN
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
HENRY YOUNGMAN
Take my wife . . . . Please!
HENRY YOUNGMAN