To enter Europe, you must have a valid passport with a photograph of yourself in which you look like you are being booked on charges of soliciting sheep.


Dave Barry

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

Long-time viewing of Internet violence tend to change a person's temperament, making the person pron...
YOU QUANXI
If positive and healthy materials are absent, negative materials are sure to be dominant in the cybe...
YOU QUANXI
In a robust global business environment, our business units operated well in the first quarter. More...
HARRY YOU
The Board of Directors and I are pleased to recognize Peter's outstanding contribution to the succes...
HARRY YOU
We are pleased to close the books on 2004 following the painstaking review of almost five years of f...
HARRY YOU
The story goes as the line follow... alone... loony....
...

That's what's happening....
DEYTH BANGER
Look Fabian, the world is full of sheep, don’t settle for being a sheep, even if you do reside ove...
T.A. UNER
When you find yourself beginning to feel a bond between yourself and the people you photograph, when...
ARTHUR FELLIG
You are unique. No other person looks exactly like you
SOTONYE ANGA
De facto, you have a multi-speed Europe. You look at the Schengen, you look at the euro zone, all th...
EMMANUEL MACRON
Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.
AL GORE
Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.
LATIN PROVERB
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
UNKNOWN
You can give some kind of spark of life to a comic that a photograph doesn't really have. A photogra...
DANIEL CLOWES
If you look like your passport picture you're too ill to travel.
WILL KOMMEN
If you look like your passport photo you're too ill to travel.
JOE PASQUALE
Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself.
CHINESE PROVERB
Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself.
CHINESE PROVERB
Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself
CHINESE PROVERBS
Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.
AL GORE
it's okay to feel things. And be who you are about them.
STEPHEN CHOBOSKY
I don’t want to start thinking again. Not like I have this last week. I can’t think again. Not e...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
It's strange to describe reading a book as a really great experience, but that's kind of how it felt...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
I’m caught between trying to live my life, and trying to run from it.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
I don't want to be somebody's crush.if somebody likes me, i want them to like the real me, not what ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
If you want to be a real human being - a real woman, a real man - you cannot tolerate things which p...
STEPHANE HESSEL
Believe in yourself. You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you sto...
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
I have this sensation of being in flight all the time, but being on stage is like creating a sanctua...
FLORENCE WELCH
A while back, when Dick and Barry and I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what y...
NICK HORNBY
Being yourself with grace, confidence & self esteem is blessing, which one must bestow on him self.O...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA
How do you photograph a gadget in a new, and not boring, way? You have to get away from people sitti...
RICK SMOLAN
Save your ass, give my ass.... what a friend you are...
DEYTH BANGER
When you lie down with a short prayer, commit yourself into the hands of your Creator; and when you ...
JEREMY TAYLOR
Life is like a mirror which indicates you to change yourself repeateldy and you follow it until you ...
JAGAT SINH
A moment comes, and if you wish to look at yourself as human, you must take some kind of action. Oth...
ALAN FURST
If you catch yourself wondering why you want more of the world and you're not satisfied with God, it...
CRAIG GROESCHEL
You can give some kind of spark of life to a comic that a photograph doesn't really have. A phot...
DANIEL CLOWES
If you are doing whatever a shepherd is ordering you to do, then you are a real sheep, a poor submis...
MEHMET MURAT ILDAN
Acceptance and assimilation, you know, breeds mediocrity and perhaps an even more sheep-like conform...
JOHN CAMERON MITCHELL
To be beautiful, handsome, means that you possess a power which makes all smile upon and welcome you...
THéOPHILE GAUTIER
A tiny little baby!' says Tam. 'People look at me like I'm an animal. People who don't know me judge...
JON RONSON
You have no choice. You must leave your ego on the doorstep before you enter love.
KAMAND KOJOURI
Once you are a victim of a bombing, you enter a risk group to which they will not sell insurance.
ERNST ZUNDEL
When you are angry you will find that you have lost yourself. You have lost yourself to outside forc...
AVINA CELESTE
If you were to do a dissection and photograph it, it would basically look like pudding.
STEPHANIE PLUNKETT
I'm a bit frightened of the idea of a full facelift because, when you look in the mirror, you wa...
CAROL VORDERMAN
Don't waste your tremendous voice writing messages in the sand.
LORIN MORGAN-RICHARDS
Dave Barry Turns 50
DAVE BARRY
I was well acquainted with the gag that if you looked like your passport picture, you needed a trip....
FRANCES G. KNIGHT
For me the most important thing in my life is love. I think you have to be in love with your family,...
JOSE MOURINHO
To know wisdom is to be all knowledgeable ,to use that knowledge for the greater good is to no that ...
GARY F EVANS...
In the beginning you must subject yourself to the influence of nature. You must be able to walk firm...
HENRI MATISSE
You can either hold yourself up to the unrealistic standards of others, or ignore them and concentra...
JEPH JACQUES
In the beginning you must subject yourself to the influence of nature. You must be able to walk firm...
HENRI MATISSE
Identity. Do you need a passport to know who you are?
LOESJE
She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
So, I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go fr...
STEPHEN CHOBOSKY
I love my mom so much. I don't care if that's corny to say. I think on my next birthday, I'm going t...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
We Are All Infinite
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
I don’t know if I will have the time to write any more letters, because I might be too busy trying...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
You can't just sit there and put everyone's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
I saw other people there. Old men sitting alone. Young girls with blue eye shadow and awkward jaws. ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
That one moment when you know you are not a sad story. You are ALIVE.
STEPHAN CHBOSKY
Somos quienes somos por un montón de razones.Quizás nunca conozcamos la mayoría de ellas.Pero aun...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
Ambos dijeron que tomara asiento y parecían hablar en serio, así que me senté.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
I know these will all be stories some day, and our pictures will become old photographs. We all beco...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybewe'll never know most of them.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
There's nothing like the deep breathes after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore st...
STHEPHEN CHBOSKY
no more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks, when the teacher rings the bell, drop...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
I don't know the significance of this, but I find it very interesting.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
Maybe it’s sad that these are now memories. And maybe it’s not sad.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
Message from Archangel Zadkiel: "When someone is negative towards you, take it as a sign that you ha...
KIMBERLY DAWN
Life is a lot easier when you make peace with yourself. When you forgive yourself. When you stop tor...
AKIROQ BROST
When you photograph someone, you have to make them feel good, and you know that they want to look go...
FRANCOIS NARS
Be careful of relying on the opinion of others, these are the same people that like liver.
NANETTE L. AVERY
You are not a bad person because you are gay. You are you because you are you and you were meant to ...
TEGAN QUIN
I like the idea of being self-sufficient. You didn't have to rely on the store, you had to do it all...
CAROL TAYLOR
You cannot believe in honor until you have achieved it, better keep yourself clean and bright; you a...
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
If you want to find the trail, if you want to find yourself, you must explore your dreams alone. You...
FRANCESCA LIA BLOCK
Are you a stupid sheep in the flock or a free eagle in the sky? Look at the mirror, what are you? Ar...
MEHMET MURAT ILDAN
Little drops of rain Whisper of the pain Tears of love Lost in the days gone by.
ROBERT PLANT "THANK YOU"
You must immerse yourself in your work. You have to fall in love with your work … You must dedicat...
CHEF JIRO
Do you know, Watson," said he, "that it is one of the curses of a mind with a turn like mine that I ...
ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE
You must wake up to the truth that whoever you are, that whatever you have or think you do not have,...
STEPHEN RICHARDS
You have a lot of valid points. We have to stop this.
BARB PERYAM
If you do not like a certain behavior in others, look within yourself to find the roots of what disc...
BRYANT MCGILL
Engagement is like you have passport but no Visa...
VIJAYRAJ BHATT
Sometimes you have step out of yourself and really watch what is going on in front of you like you a...
NERISSA IRVING
When you look back with regret, that (regret, loss) becomes your focus.
Then your focus direct...
THE TRUTH
It is certain that if you would have the whole secret of a people, you must enter into the intimacy ...
EDGAR QUINET
A photograph never grows old. You and I change, people change all through the months and years, but ...
ALBERT EINSTEIN
You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that...
MAX BEERBOHM
First of all, you must never speak of anything by its name -- in that country. So, if you see a tree...
ALEISTER CROWLEY
There's a way in which you can look at clothing as your outer skin. And because you were discriminat...
ED SMITH
If you feel you have a film that's valid, you stick your ass on the line.
NICK NOLTE
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear ...
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear ...
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
Authenticity is everything! You have to wake up every day and look in the mirror, and you want to be...
AARON RODGERS

More Dave Barry

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
DAVE BARRY
We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admi...
DAVE BARRY
For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.
DAVE BARRY
What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another pe...
DAVE BARRY
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
DAVE BARRY
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is ...
DAVE BARRY
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ...
DAVE BARRY
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to a...
DAVE BARRY
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
DAVE BARRY
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso...
DAVE BARRY
The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
DAVE BARRY
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
DAVE BARRY
Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is th...
DAVE BARRY
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
DAVE BARRY
The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes i...
DAVE BARRY
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso...
DAVE BARRY
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to...
DAVE BARRY
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or...
DAVE BARRY
I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a mor...
DAVE BARRY
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless...
DAVE BARRY
The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitutio...
DAVE BARRY
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
DAVE BARRY
Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on.
DAVE BARRY
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know ...
DAVE BARRY
You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident."
DAVE BARRY
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
DAVE BARRY
I'd take a nerf bullet for you.
DAVE BARRY
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
DAVE BARRY
The first person who decided to say a word instead of throwing a rock can be considered the starter ...
DAVE BARRY
It was not that Adam ate the apple for the apple's sake, but because it was forbidden. It would have...
DAVE BARRY
I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to r...
DAVE BARRY
Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
DAVE BARRY
I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.
DAVE BARRY
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is ba...
DAVE BARRY
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see wi...
DAVE BARRY
My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormit...
DAVE BARRY
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would b...
DAVE BARRY
What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be...
DAVE BARRY
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popula...
DAVE BARRY
Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated ...
DAVE BARRY
Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.
DAVE BARRY
There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who ...
DAVE BARRY
The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the ...
DAVE BARRY
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in...
DAVE BARRY
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went...
DAVE BARRY
Although Golf was originally restricted to wealthy Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns h...
DAVE BARRY
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any ...
DAVE BARRY
The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
DAVE BARRY
A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer
DAVE BARRY
It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mer...
DAVE BARRY
Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the p...
DAVE BARRY
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they...
DAVE BARRY
My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
DAVE BARRY
The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withst...
DAVE BARRY
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris...
DAVE BARRY
The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
DAVE BARRY
The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas...
DAVE BARRY
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y...
DAVE BARRY
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that h...
DAVE BARRY
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving infant's life, she will choose to sa...
DAVE BARRY
And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to ta...
DAVE BARRY
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious pe...
DAVE BARRY
Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
DAVE BARRY
New York Taxi Rules:1. Driver speaks no English.2. Driver just got here two days ago from someplace ...
DAVE BARRY
Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organiza...
DAVE BARRY
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won...
DAVE BARRY
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
DAVE BARRY
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
DAVE BARRY
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
DAVE BARRY
I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Futu...
DAVE BARRY
One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a compute...
DAVE BARRY
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with th...
DAVE BARRY
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons that you cannot see wit...
DAVE BARRY
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but ...
DAVE BARRY
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, usi...
DAVE BARRY
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this i...
DAVE BARRY
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris...
DAVE BARRY
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
DAVE BARRY
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, includi...
DAVE BARRY
Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television witho...
DAVE BARRY
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
DAVE BARRY
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who re...
DAVE BARRY
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
DAVE BARRY
Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by...
DAVE BARRY
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
DAVE BARRY
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his ...
DAVE BARRY
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
DAVE BARRY
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
DAVE BARRY
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a goo...
DAVE BARRY
Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while ...
DAVE BARRY
I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news p...
DAVE BARRY
There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you...
DAVE BARRY
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.
DAVE BARRY
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be att...
DAVE BARRY
I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.
DAVE BARRY
Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
DAVE BARRY
If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
DAVE BARRY
We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just abo...
DAVE BARRY
Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
DAVE BARRY
I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven...
DAVE BARRY
Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no n...
DAVE BARRY
If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answ...
DAVE BARRY
A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to est...
DAVE BARRY
As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
DAVE BARRY
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background...
DAVE BARRY
If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - yo...
DAVE BARRY
Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is read...
DAVE BARRY
Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, D...
DAVE BARRY
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the...
DAVE BARRY
What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such ...
DAVE BARRY
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since th...
DAVE BARRY
While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Int...
DAVE BARRY
And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead by using their MacInto...
DAVE BARRY
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to...
DAVE BARRY
All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for b...
DAVE BARRY
Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting techniq...
DAVE BARRY
The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed...
DAVE BARRY
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in Janu...
DAVE BARRY
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and att...
DAVE BARRY
Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always...
DAVE BARRY
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
DAVE BARRY
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y...
DAVE BARRY
I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if pe...
DAVE BARRY
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at...
DAVE BARRY
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybo...
DAVE BARRY
Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions...
DAVE BARRY
Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ev...
DAVE BARRY
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a c...
DAVE BARRY
For many years the National Pretend Speed Limit was fifty-five miles per hour (metric equivalent: 37...
DAVE BARRY
All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of fallin...
DAVE BARRY
Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the b...
DAVE BARRY
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. (This is also true of relig...
DAVE BARRY
The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have...
DAVE BARRY
The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
DAVE BARRY
I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't ca...
DAVE BARRY
I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software inco...
DAVE BARRY
Childbirth, as a strictly physical phenomenon, is comparable to driving a United Parcel truck throug...
DAVE BARRY
If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and f...
DAVE BARRY
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as bei...
DAVE BARRY
More and more products are coming out in fiercely protective packaging designed to prevent consumers...
DAVE BARRY
USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean 'idiot.'
DAVE BARRY
UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 ton...
DAVE BARRY
The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Den...
DAVE BARRY
'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.
DAVE BARRY
''Varlet and the Squeaking Codpieces'' would be an excellent name for a rock band.
DAVE BARRY
Grammatically, should of is a predatory admonition; as such, it is always used as part of a herpetol...
DAVE BARRY
It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This...
DAVE BARRY
I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person...
DAVE BARRY
The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withsta...
DAVE BARRY
Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark
DAVE BARRY
What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a...
DAVE BARRY
When Thomas Paine showed Benjamin Franklin the manuscript of The Age of Reason, Franklin advised him...
DAVE BARRY
We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty...
DAVE BARRY
All good things must come to an end, but all bad things can continue forever.
DAVE BARRY
We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days s...
DAVE BARRY
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
DAVE BARRY
And Ted Koppel comes walking down the aisle. We'd met a few times, so we said hello.
DAVE BARRY
Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT."
DAVE BARRY
There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.
DAVE BARRY
1996 also saw a huge expansion of the Internet, with many major corporations, afraid of being left b...
DAVE BARRY
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on you...
DAVE BARRY
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went...
DAVE BARRY
Sir,” James asked, “what are we going to do?”
“We’re going to look for water,” said...
DAVE BARRY
Seriously? You won’t help me?”
“Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t.
DAVE BARRY
If Black Stache laughed, you laughed. If he snarled, you snarled. If he breathed in your direction, ...
DAVE BARRY
If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, ...
DAVE BARRY
Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably...
DAVE BARRY
If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you wo...
DAVE BARRY
It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This...
DAVE BARRY
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religi...
DAVE BARRY
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
DAVE BARRY
Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
DAVE BARRY
I gotta tell you, ... It's pretty crazy when you think about taking whatever's on the other end of t...
DAVE BARRY
It was by far just a one-girl show. She led every offensive and defensive category for Bishop Kearne...
DAVE BARRY
one of South Florida's most vital natural resources, a relentlessly sane voice in a howling hurrican...
DAVE BARRY
drink beer. But that's kind of my goal pretty much wherever I go.
DAVE BARRY
I'm very pleased that we made the top four. But I feel that we could have had a stronger showing.
DAVE BARRY
I've been asked to make an announcement, ... There is a non-luxury car in the parking lot. We've bee...
DAVE BARRY
The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization.
DAVE BARRY
We've actually gotten better musically over the years, ... But we've come to realize that we will ne...
DAVE BARRY
Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
DAVE BARRY
Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art...
DAVE BARRY
I find myself having these conversations where I go...“You know, the guy, in that place. The guy i...
DAVE BARRY
Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones...
DAVE BARRY
Ridley is a tea drinker.
DAVE BARRY
It's a concept I've often thought of.
DAVE BARRY
You get people from all walks of life here -- who work in domestic service.
DAVE BARRY
I believe that's one of the finest action regurgitation scenes in the history of literature, ... I'd...
DAVE BARRY
We became pretty sensitive about it. We visited Great Ormond Street Hospital when we were in England...
DAVE BARRY
What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge ham...
DAVE BARRY
I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
DAVE BARRY
Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuc...
DAVE BARRY
Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger...
DAVE BARRY
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ...
DAVE BARRY
The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable ent...
DAVE BARRY
Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant d...
DAVE BARRY
I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks sh...
DAVE BARRY
Puns are little 'plays on words' that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look...
DAVE BARRY
There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his ...
DAVE BARRY
The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winte...
DAVE BARRY