We can get nice gifts for the kids.

Buried Lies: True Tales and Tall Stories from the PGA. I've enjoyed speaking at the PGA Expo in Las Vegas for many reasons -- to meet many long-time friends in the industry, to learn about the new product lines, and to share tall stories about the game that we all find so fascinating. For revealing inside information about the PGA Tour, I will expect free instruction from all card-carrying PGA members for the rest of my life. And Lord knows, I need it!

He was immediately released to his place of employment.

Everyone knows the current system is not working as it should.

We've got an epidemic up here of underage kids getting booze.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.