What difference does it make?" he says. "People can think whatever they like. I don't desire their validation."
"So you don't mind," I ask him, "that people judge you so harshly?"
"I have no one to impress," he says. "No one who cares about what happens to me. I'm not in the business of making friends, love. My job is to lead an army, and it's the only thing I'm good at. No one," he says, "would be proud of the things I've accomplished. My mother doesn't even know me anymore. My father thinks I'm weak and pathetic. My soldiers want me dead. The world is going to hell. And the conversations I have with you are the longest I've ever had.


Tahereh Mafi

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More Tahereh Mafi

Selfish needs, wants, and desires needed to be obliterated. Greed, overindulgence, and gluttony had ...
TAHEREH MAFI
Red was ruby, green was fluorescent, yellow was simply incandescent. Color was life. Color was every...
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It's the kind of kiss that inspires stars to climb into the sky and light up the world.
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I love walking into a bookstore. It's like all my friends are sitting on shelves, waving their pages...
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This planet is a broken bone that didn’t set right, a hundred pieces of crystal glued together. We...
TAHEREH MAFI
So that's it?" Kenji says. "You just like him for his personality, huh?"

"What?"
TAHEREH MAFI
Only an idiot would rely on the energy of a bean or a leaf to stay awake throughout the day.
TAHEREH MAFI
Kenji snorts.“That’s because you’re not fragile,” Kenji says. “If anything, everyone needs...
TAHEREH MAFI
I'm oxygen and he's dying to breathe.
TAHEREH MAFI
All I ever wanted was to reach out and touch another human being not just with my hands but with my ...
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I can do anything I want.
Be with anyone I want.
And it'll be my choice.
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I am going to MURDER YOU—”
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Hey, um, I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a friend of mine," he says. "Have you seen her...
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I do know that I don't want to wake him.

We were up very late last night.
TAHEREH MAFI
Lift your hips for me, love.
TAHEREH MAFI
I touch the tip of my finger to his lips. "There are secrets in here," I say. "I want them out."
TAHEREH MAFI
His hands are holding my cheeks, and he pulls back just to look me in the eye and his chest is heavi...
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Words, I think, are such unpredictable creatures.
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TAHEREH MAFI
Books are easily destroyed. But words will live as long as people can remember them.
TAHEREH MAFI
I spent my life folded between the pages of books.
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TAHEREH MAFI
For so many years I lived in constant terror of myself. Doubt had married my fear and moved into my ...
TAHEREH MAFI
I feel like I’ve been split open and stuffed with sunshine.
TAHEREH MAFI
There will be a bird today. It will be white with streaks of gold like a crown atop its head. It wil...
TAHEREH MAFI
Please," he says. "I'm begging you to stop."

I still.

"I can't stomach your p...
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He's looking at the wall and at the floor and at the bedsheets and at the way his knuckles look when...
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Hate looks like everybody else until it smiles
TAHEREH MAFI
His lips soften into a smile that cracks apart my spine. He repeats my name like the word amuses him...
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So she told me a story. A story about a boy who was born with very green eyes, and the man who was s...
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Hey--jazz hands!" Kenji barks. "Get your ass back over here." He makes it a point to look as irritat...
TAHEREH MAFI
I’m not sure. But there’s something about the darkness, the stillness of this hour, I think, tha...
TAHEREH MAFI
On the darkest days you have to search for a spot of brightness, on the coldest days you have to see...
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Hope.

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I always wonder about raindrops.

I wonder about how they're always falling down, tripping...
TAHEREH MAFI
Loneliness is a strange sort of thing.
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TAHEREH MAFI
I want to be the friend you fall hopelessly in love with. The one you take into your arms and into y...
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Words are like seeds, I think, planted into our hearts at a tender age. They take root in us as we g...
TAHEREH MAFI
And he leans in, so carefully. Breathing
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TAHEREH MAFI
His smile is laced with dynamite. "Go to sleep"
"Go to hell."
He works his jaw. Walks to t...
TAHEREH MAFI
You’ve been on the edge of insanity your entire life, haven’t you? So many people called you cra...
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I'm wearing dead cotton on my limbs and a blush of roses on my face.
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Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think we can take on two hundred soldiers? I know I am an extr...
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He looks immaculate.
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I hear Warner laugh.
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TAHEREH MAFI
Truth is a jealous, vicious mistress that never, ever sleeps.
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His eyes are two buckets of rainwater: deep, fresh, clear. Hurt.
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Why are you touching me?"

"Because I can.
TAHEREH MAFI
Every butterfly in the world has migrated to my stomach.
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Hope is a pocket of possibility.
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Raindrops are my only reminder that clouds have a heartbeat. That I have one, too.
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I like the way I feel about myself when I'm with him." I say quietly. "Warner thinks I'm strong and ...
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TAHEREH MAFI
I sigh. "I don't know what's happening to me."
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I shoot hi...
TAHEREH MAFI
I clench my fists and try not to scream and I tuck my friends in my heart and
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While a part of me wants to know, another part of me is too exhausted to ask.
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Do you never get exhausted being so wholly unbearable?
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Studies have shown that thinking and wondering lead to thoughtful decision-making. It's an epidemic.
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The tattoo is just setting below his hp bone.
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a n d a l l t h e d ...
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I open the book and turn to the next page. Day three.

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You think that because I am unwanted, because I am neglected and-and discarded-" My voice inches hig...
TAHEREH MAFI
That this girl would know exactly how to shatter me.
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Of course I remember you." My voice is a strangled whisper. I squeeze my eyes shut. "You were the on...
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And if you insist on continuing to make assumptions about my character, I’ll advise you only this:...
TAHEREH MAFI
I allowed myself to believe she’d seen a future for us; that she wanted to be with me and simply t...
TAHEREH MAFI
He's wrong he's so he's so wrong he's more wrong than an upside-down rainbow.
TAHEREH MAFI
My words wear no parachutes as they fall out of my mouth.
TAHEREH MAFI
You sick piece of shit," Adam says to him, his voice low, measured.
"Such unfortunate language....
TAHEREH MAFI
She is a soft, deadly creature. Kind and timid and terrifying. She's completely out of control and h...
TAHEREH MAFI
This isn't about Adam or Warner," I tell him, "This is about me and what I want. This is about me fi...
TAHEREH MAFI
You deserve so much more than charity," he said, his chest heaving. "You deserve to live, You deserv...
TAHEREH MAFI
I am nothing more than the consequence of catastrophe.
TAHEREH MAFI
My life is four walls of missed opportunities poured in concrete molds.
TAHEREH MAFI
Find me a cure for these tears, I'd really like to exhale for the first time in my life.
TAHEREH MAFI
I have a curse.
I HAVE A GIFT.
I'm a monster.
I'M MORE THAN HUMAN.
My touch Is l...
TAHEREH MAFI
In just two days, one girl has managed to cripple me.
TAHEREH MAFI
Friendship is not a thing I have ever experienced. Not as a child, and not as I am now.
TAHEREH MAFI
Warner was supposed to be dead. Warner was supposed to be dead because I was supposed to have shot h...
TAHEREH MAFI
My opinions,” I say to him, quietly this time, “should not so easily break your own. Stand by yo...
TAHEREH MAFI
You allow the world to think you're a heartless murderer," I tell him. "And you're not."

...
TAHEREH MAFI
You’re perfect,” I tell him, so overcome I forget myself. “All of you. Your entire body.
...
TAHEREH MAFI
This girl is destroying me.
TAHEREH MAFI
But he grins, so brilliantly, not even paying attention. “I love it when you say my name,” he sa...
TAHEREH MAFI
Watching her talk to someone else made me crazy. I was jealous. Ridiculous. I wanted her to know me;...
TAHEREH MAFI
Because I want her.
Now.
Here.
Everywhere.
I want nothing between us.
I wa...
TAHEREH MAFI
I loved making you mad," he says to me, his eyes wicked. "I love making you mad.
TAHEREH MAFI
I’ve come to believe that the most dangerous man in the world is the one who feels no remorse. The...
TAHEREH MAFI
Love is a heartless bastard
TAHEREH MAFI
I almost forget that she still hates me, despite how hard I've fallen for her.
And I've fallen....
TAHEREH MAFI
People seldom realize that they tell lies with their lips and truths with their eyes all the time.
TAHEREH MAFI
And I've fallen.

So hard.

I've hit the ground. Gone right through it. Never in...
TAHEREH MAFI
There is nothing to fear. Nothing to worry about. Grieve nothing in this transitory world," he says ...
TAHEREH MAFI
The small hand of a clock taps me at one and two, three and four, whispering hello, get up, stand up...
TAHEREH MAFI
I promise myself then, in that moment, that I will hold him forever, just like this, until all the p...
TAHEREH MAFI
Three forty-five-pound plates on each side of what Kenji told me is an Olympic bar, which weighs an ...
TAHEREH MAFI
In a world where there is so much to grieve and so little good to take? I grieve nothing. I take eve...
TAHEREH MAFI
I do want you," I say to him, my voice shaking. "I want you so much it scares me.
TAHEREH MAFI
I'm not trying to fix you; I don't think you need to be fixed. I'm not trying to turn you into someo...
TAHEREH MAFI
Have you ever been in love?" I ask, turning on my side to look at him. He stares up at the sky. Blin...
TAHEREH MAFI
You think Warner is sexy?"
...
"I do like his face.
TAHEREH MAFI
Can you hear my heart? I want to ask him.

I want you to make a list of all you...
TAHEREH MAFI
Water that never moves." I say to him. "Its fine for a little while. You can drink from it and it'll...
TAHEREH MAFI
Come back to life, love. I'll be here when you wake up.
TAHEREH MAFI
Don't do that," he says. "Don't ask me questions you already know the answers to. Twice I've laid my...
TAHEREH MAFI
It's not charity," I snap. "He cares about me--and I care about him!"

Warner nods, unimpr...
TAHEREH MAFI
Aaron Warner Anderson, chief commander and regent of Sector 45, son of the supreme commander of The ...
TAHEREH MAFI
And we are quotation marks, inverted and upside down, clinging to one another at the end of this lif...
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Why do you call her 'love'?" James asks. "I've heard you say that before, too. A lot. Are you in lov...
TAHEREH MAFI
Ignite, my love. Ignite.
TAHEREH MAFI
We're too different now. We want different things. And this?" I say nodding at our hands. "All this ...
TAHEREH MAFI
Hate looks just like everybody else until it smiles. Until it spins around and lies with lips and te...
TAHEREH MAFI
My mind is a warehouse of carefully organized human emotions.
I lock away the things that do no...
TAHEREH MAFI
They filled our world with weapons aimed at foreheads and smiled as they shot 16 candles right throu...
TAHEREH MAFI
I never thought it would get this bad. I never thought the Reestablishment would take things so far....
TAHEREH MAFI
Damn,” Kenji says after a moment. “Damn damn damn. This shit is bananas
TAHEREH MAFI
It's strange. How hollow i feel. Like there might be echoes inside of me. Like I'm one of those choc...
TAHEREH MAFI
Narrow-mindedness will only get you as far as Nowhere, and once you're there, you're lost forever.
TAHEREH MAFI
I love you, ” he says , his words harsh and soft all at once. “ I love you and it isn’t enough...
TAHEREH MAFI
I'm petrified. Because being this close to you is doing things to me. Strange things and irrational ...
TAHEREH MAFI
There is nothing to fear. Nothing to worry about. Grieve nothing in this transitionary world. It's t...
TAHEREH MAFI
Warner. A white bird with streaks of gold like a crown atop its head. A fair - skinned boy with gold...
TAHEREH MAFI
We are hours and minutes reaching for the same second, holding hands as we spin forward into new day...
TAHEREH MAFI
Juliette ? ” A tentative voice . “ Are you okay? ” I lower the pillow . Blink up . Warner is w...
TAHEREH MAFI
No gun, no sword, no army or king will ever be more powerful than a sentence. Swords may cut and kil...
TAHEREH MAFI
He’s kissing me like the world is rolling right off a cliff, like he’s trying to hang on and he�...
TAHEREH MAFI
His chest, heaving harder this time. His words, almost gasping this time. “You destroy me.”
TAHEREH MAFI
I want so many things,” he whispers. “I want your mind. Your strength. I want to be worth your t...
TAHEREH MAFI
I only know now that the scientists are wrong.

The world is flat.

I know becau...
TAHEREH MAFI
I grieve nothing. I take everything.
TAHEREH MAFI
We breathe when we're wrong, we breathe when we're right, we breathe even as we slip off the ledge t...
TAHEREH MAFI
I have to get out of this room as soon as possible, or my own thoughts will wage war against me.
TAHEREH MAFI
I imagine this is what it feels like to fall apart.
TAHEREH MAFI
Swallow the tears back often enough and they’ll start feeling like acid dripping down your throat....
TAHEREH MAFI
I’m happy to have her close even if it hurts, even if it doesn’t make any sense.
TAHEREH MAFI
Friendship is not a thing I have ever experienced. Not as a child, and not as I am now. Except. One ...
TAHEREH MAFI
If it were nothing but sexual attraction I’m sure I would not suffer such unbearable humiliation. ...
TAHEREH MAFI
I’ve fallen for her…So hard. I’ve hit the ground. Gone right through it. Never in my life have...
TAHEREH MAFI
I've never read anything that could speak directly to my bones.
TAHEREH MAFI
There was something about my face,she said, that she couldn't stand. Something about my eyes, the wa...
TAHEREH MAFI
That traitorous bastard. The idiot who thinks he's won himself a pretty girl. He has no idea who she...
TAHEREH MAFI
Kenji is a walking paradox of Unflinchingly Serious Person and 12-Year-Old Boy Going Through Puberty...
TAHEREH MAFI
I have an extremely low threshold for disorder; it offends my very being.
TAHEREH MAFI
I will give no one the satisfaction of my death.
TAHEREH MAFI
Sir, can you hear me?" Another cry. But this time, a voice I don't detest.
"Sire, please, can y...
TAHEREH MAFI
There’s something simmering inside of me. Something I’ve never dared to tap into, something I’...
TAHEREH MAFI
I want to be someone else somewhere else with something else to fill my mind.
TAHEREH MAFI
Sometimes I close my eyes and paint these walls a different color. I imagine I’m wearing warm sock...
TAHEREH MAFI
This girl is destroying me. A girl who has spent the last year in an insane asylum. A girl who would...
TAHEREH MAFI
She searches me with those odd, blue-green eyes and I feel guilty so suddenly, without understanding...
TAHEREH MAFI
Sometimes I wish I could step outside of myself for a while. I want to leave this worn body behind, ...
TAHEREH MAFI
Torture is not torture when there’s any hope of relief.
TAHEREH MAFI
These letters are all I have left.
26 friends to tell my stories to.
26 letters are all I ...
TAHEREH MAFI
Dude, you ran off with the crazy chick! You ran off with the psycho girl!" he's calling after Adam. ...
TAHEREH MAFI
Hope in this world bleeds out of the barrel of a gun.
TAHEREH MAFI
He whispers, "You have no idea how much I've thought about you. How many times I've dreamt"-he takes...
TAHEREH MAFI
I am a being comprised of letters, a character created by sentences, a figment of imagination formed...
TAHEREH MAFI
Adam stares at me so long I begin to blush. He tips my chin up so I meet his eyes. Blue blue blue bo...
TAHEREH MAFI
Girls are always talking about electricity in their romance, but none are too happy to actually be e...
TAHEREH MAFI
Killing time isn't as difficult as it sounds.

I can shoot a hundred numbers through the c...
TAHEREH MAFI
You can't touch me," I whisper. I'm lying, is what I don't tell him. He can touch me, is what I'll n...
TAHEREH MAFI
Someone picked up the sun and pinned it to the sky again, but every day it hangs a little lower than...
TAHEREH MAFI
I am nothing but novocaine. I am numb, a world of nothing, all feeling and emotion gone forever. TAHEREH MAFI My voice softens. 'How old are you?'
'I'll be eleven next year.'
I grin. 'So you're...
TAHEREH MAFI
Hope is hugging me, holding me in its arms, wiping away my tears and telling me that today and tomor...
TAHEREH MAFI
The man is moody as hell.”

“I am not moody—”

“Yeah, bro.” K...
TAHEREH MAFI
Time goes on even when we do not.
TAHEREH MAFI
I am suspended in the moment. Flickering images faded with age, frozen thoughts hovering precariousl...
TAHEREH MAFI
You can go to hell!"
"Just because I'm going to hell doesn't mean you'll ever deserve her.
TAHEREH MAFI
Please—please get up—and lower your voice—”
“Hell no.”
“Why no...
TAHEREH MAFI
Have you ever had a girlfriend, Kenji?"
"What?" He looks mortally offended. "Do I look l...
TAHEREH MAFI
Sticks and stones keep breaking my bones but these words, these words will kill me.
TAHEREH MAFI
Because something inside of my heart is ripping apart and it feels like fear, it tastes like panic a...
TAHEREH MAFI
Tell me what you want" he [Warner] says desperately. "Tell me what to do," he says, "and I'll do it.
TAHEREH MAFI
.. but you-with you-" Hefalters. Looks down. "How am I supposed to go back?" he asks, so quietly. "H...
TAHEREH MAFI
The truth," he says, "is a painful reminder of why I prefer to live among the lies.
TAHEREH MAFI
Twice.
Once for Adam.
Once for Warner.
TAHEREH MAFI
People can think whatever they like....I don't desire their validation.
TAHEREH MAFI
Hang tight
Hold on
Look up
Stay strong
Hang on
Hold tight
Look strong<...
TAHEREH MAFI
I would rather be dead, than go back to being silent and suffocated.
TAHEREH MAFI
All I know next are his arms, the desperate edge to his voice when he says my name, and I'm unraveli...
TAHEREH MAFI
You know, I can sort of control it now," I tell him, beaming. "I can moderate my strength levels." TAHEREH MAFI I'm not falling for Warner," I say quietly.
"Sure you aren't."
"I'm not," I insist. "I'm j...
TAHEREH MAFI
Because I was dying.
  And Warner could’ve let me die. He was angry and hurt and had ever...
TAHEREH MAFI
He and I would end up like water going nowhere. Water that never moves-- It's fine for a little whil...
TAHEREH MAFI
Back to work. And this time, focus. You’re not an ape. Don’t just throw your shit everywhere.
TAHEREH MAFI
It's incredible how someone can look so right and feel so wrong. Kent is a lucky bastard.
TAHEREH MAFI
So I take a deep breath.
Step forward.
Let go.

10 seconds and I'm trying to bre...
TAHEREH MAFI
At least I'm honest about being a liar
TAHEREH MAFI
I want to trust but it scares the skin off my bones.
TAHEREH MAFI
A handful of letters doesn't always make a word, love.
TAHEREH MAFI
You're naked?" Kenji is suddenly studying my sheet and not bothering to be subtle about it. I flush ...
TAHEREH MAFI
Juliette,” he says.

“Yes?”

I can hear him breathing.

“Thank...
TAHEREH MAFI