What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
George Carlin
Related
He thought himself awake when he was already asleep. He saw the stars above his face, whirling on th...
T.H. WHITE "What does it mean if you tried to get somewhere, and you didn't?" "Like what?" "Like if you were...
C. JOYBELL C. Sometimes shit's gotta be done and I just fuckin' do it!
MANUEL MONGRAIN What do you mean you are intercepting the wrong subject? How often does it occur? How long does it g...
JAMES DEMPSEY Every day I think, 'Gosh, I wish I could be like George Carlin, Bill Maher: I want that edge....
TOM SMOTHERS The seven words George Carlin said you couldn’t say on TV or radio (“fuck,” “piss,” “shi...
MARY NORRIS George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular com...
DREW CAREY Stand for something. Make your life mean something. Start where you are with what you have. You are ...
GERMANY KENT "Karma has fixed menu,No A-la carté is served.
VISHESH LUNI What you do will project you
SOTONYE ANGA How to get it, I annoy you???
You are not interested???
What's the idea???
DEYTH BANGER [I don't get it. You guys look down on chimps for flinging their own poo but you think it's fine to ...
KEVIN HEARNE Say just what you mean to do on every occasion, and take it for granted you mean to do right.
ROBERT E. LEE Do what you do so well that they will want to see it again and bring their friends.
~WALT DISNEY Do what you love, and you will find the way to get it out to the world.
JUDY COLLINS Remember, to get what you've never had, you must do what you've never done. But to get what you once...
CRAIG GROESCHEL Daisy stared worriedly into his shadowed face. “What if you change your mind about me? What if you...
LISA KLEYPAS To do what Oprah does. You get to talk all day and get into people's business.
ASHLEY GROVE On some days you get what you want, and on others, you get what you need.
HUNTER S. THOMPSON Here's what we're going to do. The first man on our team that goes to the offensive board, he's goin...
CHARLIE COLES He's a big dude. You have to do your homework on where he wants to get to. I read it very well. You ...
ADONAL FOYLE And when I saw you kissing that girl
My heart, it shattered and my eyes, they watered
And ...
KATE NASH It kind of upset me to see it again hanging in the hallway, but when you win it, you can do that. I'...
JASON TAYLOR Yeah, Montague tried to do us during break," said George.
"What do you mean, 'tried'?" sa...
J.K. ROWLING You do not necessarily have to get before you do but when you do, you shall get
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH You don't want to get the same kind of advice from everyone on your board.
RUBEN CARDENAS You don't want to get the same kind of advice from everyone on your board.
M. KATHLEEN CASEY You put it in your pocket and you get on the plane as fast as you can and you get home. And that's w...
JIM MORA Be magnificent. Life's short. Get out there. You can do it. Everyone can do it. Everyone.
ANDY SERKIS Having faith does not mean you should be idle and expecting manna to fall from above. You must get u...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR Although I cannot see your face
As you flip these poems awhile,
Somewhere from some far-of...
SHEL SILVERSTEIN People do not attract that which they want, but that which they are. (To put it
another way: When yo...
JAMES ALLEN This is what you get for clinching the division. You get a hat and I also got a T-shirt so it doesn'...
CHRISTIAN FAURIA At the end, what matters is that you tried
SOTONYE ANGA What do you mean she left me the embryos? I'm supposed to get the cat.
SUSAN MALLERY Long-time viewing of Internet violence tend to change a person's temperament, making the person pron...
YOU QUANXI If positive and healthy materials are absent, negative materials are sure to be dominant in the cybe...
YOU QUANXI In a robust global business environment, our business units operated well in the first quarter. More...
HARRY YOU The Board of Directors and I are pleased to recognize Peter's outstanding contribution to the succes...
HARRY YOU We are pleased to close the books on 2004 following the painstaking review of almost five years of f...
HARRY YOU What does security allow you to do that you couldn't do before? How does it open a new area of the b...
ERIC MAIWALD Don’t waste your time trying to impress others to satisfy their ego. do what you love & love what ...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA In order to get a note out, I have to dig deep, and I mean that on an emotional level. To physically...
RAY LAMONTAGNE I've always thought George Carlin was brilliant.
VICKI LAWRENCE The value you get does not depend on what you have, but how much of it you bring to the market place...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR Things that look impossible suddenly seem a lot better, once you get God on board.
JODI PICOULT It's always great to get to do what you love and to do something that hopefully people will see ...
CASEY WILSON If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when yo...
DAN MILLMAN What you do is, you just do the gig, enjoy, get on with it, and treat the rest as horse doodle.
IAN MCSHANE Should the people have gotten out? Should have. What does 'mandatory' mean to everyone in here? If s...
ARTHUR JONES All art really does is keep you focused on questions of humanity, and it really is about how do we g...
DAVID BOWIE So does being cool mean you get to go around calling other people names?
JAMES HOWE What do I mean by concentration? I mean focusing totally on the business at hand and commanding your...
ARNOLD PALMER Everybody on Medicare needs to sit down and say, 'What does this mean to me?' You can't just blow it...
DAVID GRANT I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give ...
GEORGE CARLIN They say you have to hit rock bottom before you get better. Unfortunately, I hit it on TV.
DANNY BONADUCE Shouldn't you know what love's like, before you begin renouncin' it"
George Cooper
TAMORA PIERCE What we have to do is get out there and get focused. Our concern is our team. When you focus on anot...
DARREN JACKSON It would help enormously to get a bigger shareholder on board.
BILL ACKMAN No offense, but you're not exactly an expert on judging people's emotions."
"I'm not sure what ...
ANNA BANKS I grew up on the East Coast, and we always used to say, 'Go get your hustle on,' whether it ...
ANTOINE FUQUA I mean the word is out right now to juveniles [that] you can no longer get away with what you used t...
ANDY KAHAN Don't bother checking your credit report. Your lender will do that for you. Yeah, there might be a c...
DAYANA YOCHIM (Pre-draft trades) do happen from time to time, like Denver and San Francisco. But a lot of the reas...
RICK SPIELMAN You can be funny and say what you mean; these ideas are not mutually exclusive. Some of the best jok...
HARI KONDABOLU Marriage is like a phonograph record. You get what you like on one side and take what you get on the...
RONNIE JOHNSON When you're guest-starring on another show, it really requires you to jump through hoops in a wa...
KIM DICKENS What the hell does it all mean? Does 11:11 really mean anything at all? Well, that simply depends on...
HARRY WHITEWOLF You always get to choose what you do, even if you never get to do what you want.
JIM GENOVESE In George Bush you get experience, and with me you get - The Future!
DAN QUAYLE Learn as you go!
Don't think you have to learn everything, in order to do anything.
The best knowled...
WILLIAM MERRICK What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it...
J.R.R. TOLKIEN Money does not dictate your lifestyle, it's what you do to get it and how you manage your finances t...
WAYNE CHIRISA When you're on the road before a big crowd that's rowdy and into it, it's always good to get on the ...
PAUL KONERKO Do the thing and you will have the power.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON We need to get a person on board.
FRANK DOUTRICH Hero! He was no hero! What did a hero get? An Aes Sedai patting you on the head before she sent you ...
ROBERT JORDAN One of the Enemy's most effective strategies is to get you to focus on what you don't have, what you...
STEVEN FURTICK For everybody who does what I do, you hope you have life beyond network television, and DVD provides...
FRANK SPOTNITZ The question I get more than any other is, 'What does it mean to direct an animated film?' A...
LEE UNKRICH I did stand-up. I loved George Carlin and Steve Martin.
STEVE BUSCEMI Do what you love doing.
JULIANNA MARGULIES I think being mean to people in high school is healthy. It's sort of like you're in this sit...
LIZZY CAPLAN I am aware it's easy and may be fashionable to pose with a slum child, and the irony of getting ...
ERIN O'CONNOR To be knocked out doesn't mean what it seems. A boxer does not have to get up.
JOYCE CAROL OATES You have what others don't have. This is good news which means you can do what others can't do! You ...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR The gym is somewhere you can go to just forget for an hour what you do for a living, what you are do...
LUKE EVANS So you see, I already have everything I want. And what do you get the man who has everything? Why, y...
JAMES SCHANNEP Any ideas on how we can make sure she does not get it? Can you ping Karl on this?
JACK ABRAMOFF No doubt George Carlin has been able to stay on top all these years because of his edge. He's always...
DANA HOUSE You always get apprehensive before you do shoots.
JENNA MORASCA How do you know when it's me?"
"Your footsteps are apologetic?"
"What does that mean?"
DANIEL WALLACE You just can't let it get to you. You have to remain focused on what you're doing.
DAVID ALEXANDER If you can dream it, you can do it.
ENZO FERRARI Don’t stop breathing just because night has fallen! Don't stop breathing just because you are slee...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH You do not get what you want. You get what you negotiate.
HARVEY MACKAY You do not just get to know what you did not know when you travel to the right scenery, but you get ...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH I don't get too focused on what (the coaches) are thinking, because if I do that, I can't focus on w...
WILL ALLEN I've never done work for money ever. If your choices are based on grosses and the film doesn't do we...
TOM CRUISE Love: Pass It on, you will be Amazed at what you get back!
DR.'S RICK AND SUSANN CRAWFORD
More George Carlin
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they...
GEORGE CARLIN I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLIN Electricity is really just organized lightning.
GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
GEORGE CARLIN The status quo sucks.
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.
I see a glass that's twice as bi...
GEORGE CARLIN When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
GEORGE CARLIN Religion is just mind control.
GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN Always do whatever's next.
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, W...
GEORGE CARLIN One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLIN Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don...
GEORGE CARLIN Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the
separation of Church and State.
... These two institution...
GEORGE CARLIN What do dogs do on their day off?; Can't lie around – that's their job!
GEORGE CARLIN That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
GEORGE CARLIN Meow” means “woof” in cat.
GEORGE CARLIN Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reaso...
GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLIN People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'Fo...
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ...
GEORGE CARLIN I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuc...
GEORGE CARLIN Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches e...
GEORGE CARLIN It was my uncle who taught me about the birds and the bees. He sat me down one day and said, 'Rememb...
GEORGE CARLIN How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
GEORGE CARLIN I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is ...
GEORGE CARLIN How is it possible to have a civil war?
GEORGE CARLIN The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save ...
GEORGE CARLIN We’re so self-important. Everybody’s going to save something now. “Save the trees, save the be...
GEORGE CARLIN Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will...
GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
GEORGE CARLIN I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for ...
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-
GEORGE CARLIN Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're hav...
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too la...
GEORGE CARLIN Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fa...
GEORGE CARLIN Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year t...
GEORGE CARLIN Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook
GEORGE CARLIN Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one h...
GEORGE CARLIN Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck
GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity
GEORGE CARLIN Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institution...
GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN ... And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're ...
GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you i...
GEORGE CARLIN I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Buil...
GEORGE CARLIN Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to t...
GEORGE CARLIN Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American be...
GEORGE CARLIN I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Ky...
GEORGE CARLIN The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is
GEORGE CARLIN He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck thi...
GEORGE CARLIN There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
GEORGE CARLIN Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLIN Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
GEORGE CARLIN Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
GEORGE CARLIN 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I ...
GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than...
GEORGE CARLIN If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN Personally, if I were trying to discourage people from smoking, my sign would be a little different....
GEORGE CARLIN Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom
GEORGE CARLIN Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
GEORGE CARLIN Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience memb...
GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She sai...
GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLIN The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLIN You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
GEORGE CARLIN At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
GEORGE CARLIN Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain,
For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the...
GEORGE CARLIN Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.
GEORGE CARLIN When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse
GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it d...
GEORGE CARLIN Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLIN Everyone smiles in the same language.
GEORGE CARLIN But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the wh...
GEORGE CARLIN My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm ...
GEORGE CARLIN I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it&...
GEORGE CARLIN It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class...
GEORGE CARLIN I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
GEORGE CARLIN When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ...
GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she tol...
GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
GEORGE CARLIN I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
GEORGE CARLIN When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the...
GEORGE CARLIN Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Th...
GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning...
GEORGE CARLIN Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "Y...
GEORGE CARLIN It's never just a game when you're winning.
GEORGE CARLIN If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delight...
GEORGE CARLIN If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed...
GEORGE CARLIN I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll b...
GEORGE CARLIN I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
GEORGE CARLIN Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dish...
GEORGE CARLIN Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
GEORGE CARLIN As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to...
GEORGE CARLIN Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLIN Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!
GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that b...
GEORGE CARLIN If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him
GEORGE CARLIN In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum called the Caesarian Section
GEORGE CARLIN If it requires a uniform it's a worthless endeavor
GEORGE CARLIN The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elect...
GEORGE CARLIN The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of you...
GEORGE CARLIN Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
GEORGE CARLIN we get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
GEORGE CARLIN When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a ...
GEORGE CARLIN You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar
GEORGE CARLIN Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can...
GEORGE CARLIN If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem
GEORGE CARLIN In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
GEORGE CARLIN When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can th...
GEORGE CARLIN Don’t just teach your children to read…
Teach them to question what they read.
Teach t...
GEORGE CARLIN Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
GEORGE CARLIN I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with...
GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, c...
GEORGE CARLIN I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves ...
GEORGE CARLIN Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. A...
GEORGE CARLIN There's also way too much religion in the South to be consistent with good mental health.
GEORGE CARLIN So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” And anyone who can’...
GEORGE CARLIN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.
GEORGE CARLIN Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
GEORGE CARLIN I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. There's ...
GEORGE CARLIN I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individual...
GEORGE CARLIN When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. ...
GEORGE CARLIN If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed ...
GEORGE CARLIN There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It se...
GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten
GEORGE CARLIN [On school uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now the...
GEORGE CARLIN Life is a series of dogs
GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she tol...
GEORGE CARLIN So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
GEORGE CARLIN I read that Monica Seles got stabbed. And although I have nothing against Monica Seles, I'm glad som...
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-.
GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it daw...
GEORGE CARLIN They call it the 'American Dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like
GEORGE CARLIN Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the ...
GEORGE CARLIN I have no emotional stake in Panda fucking.
GEORGE CARLIN Jesus was a cross dresser
GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth
GEORGE CARLIN The word bipartisan means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out
GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity
GEORGE CARLIN What makes me nervous is when I am at an airport and the stewardess says get on the plane. I say fuc...
GEORGE CARLIN Most people with low self-esteem have earned it
GEORGE CARLIN If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter
GEORGE CARLIN If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else
GEORGE CARLIN I don't vote. Two reasons. First of all it's meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long ti...
GEORGE CARLIN If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
GEORGE CARLIN I believe you can joke about anything.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm the creative type,
GEORGE CARLIN When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons
GEORGE CARLIN Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
GEORGE CARLIN He had a sort of pain that was fairly evident.
GEORGE CARLIN Rich White Men Don't Care About Poor Black People
GEORGE CARLIN You get to play with people's little danger zones.
GEORGE CARLIN 'We hope you enjoy your stay in Chicago or wherever your final destination may be.' All destinations...
GEORGE CARLIN When you stress individualism, as this country does; materialism, as this country does; personal wea...
GEORGE CARLIN In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first.
GEORGE CARLIN In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing
GEORGE CARLIN I went straight from shenanigans to cries against humanity
GEORGE CARLIN A man came up to me on the street and said I used to be messed up out of my mind on drugs but now I'...
GEORGE CARLIN I tell ya, if I hadn't chosen the career of being a performer, I think linguistics would have been a...
GEORGE CARLIN If you’re reading it in a book, folks, it ain’t self-help. It’s help.
GEORGE CARLIN If the Reds were baseball's first team, who did they play?
GEORGE CARLIN What if Alexander Graham Bell's name were Alexander Graham Siren? The phone wouldn't ring, it would ...
GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that bi...
GEORGE CARLIN Excuse me, officer, but would you mind bringing the wreckage a little closer this way? My wife can't...
GEORGE CARLIN Everything beeps now
GEORGE CARLIN You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic
GEORGE CARLIN Think about it,
GEORGE CARLIN I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and...
GEORGE CARLIN Most people are not particularly good at anything
GEORGE CARLIN I enjoy watching reruns of Saturday Night Live and counting all the dead people
GEORGE CARLIN When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ...
GEORGE CARLIN What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30 years,>Read People Magazine your...
GEORGE CARLIN One thing i don't understand is sex is legal and selling things is legal but selling sex is illegal.
GEORGE CARLIN “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
GEORGE CARLIN If a piece requires some specific inflection, I'll record it. I take a lot of notes, and later categ...
GEORGE CARLIN Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
GEORGE CARLIN