What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing letters to each other, we barely even talk to each other. People have become so accustomed to texting that they’re actually startled when the phone rings. It’s like we suddenly all have Batphones. If it rings, there must be danger. Now we answer, “What happened? Is someone tied up in the old sawmill?” “No, it’s Becky. I just called to say hi.” “Well you scared me half to death. You can’t just pick up the phone and try to talk to me like that. Don’t the tips of your fingers work?
Ellen DeGeneres
Related To the most inconsiderate asshole of a friend, I’m writing you this letter because I know tha... CECELIA AHERN They keep telling you, when you’re older, you’ll have experience—and that’s supposed to be s... CHRISTOPHER ISHERWOOD I love you in–in every kind of way.’ ‘I feel like that too . . .’ His voice is shocked ... TABITHA SUZUMA Some times in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow. But, if we are wise, we know that... AL GREEN The houses have been condemned on Memory Lane I’m tired of this struggle that leaves everythi... DAVID LEVITHAN The following are not my words, i have seen it some where . But i wish to share it here for every on... ANOOP ASHOK Hello? This is Clary Fairchild.” “Clary? It’s me, Emma.” “Oh, Emma, ... CASSANDRA CLARE If we meet and I say, "Hi," That's a salutation. If you ask me how I feel, That's a c... SHEL SILVERSTEIN So say I’m your mom.' 'What?' I said. 'I’m your mom,' he repeated. 'Now tell me you wa... SARAH DESSEN A black raven flew past me and landed on the back of the couch. Roman slapped his hand over his... ILONA ANDREWS Let me say right now for the record, I’m still going to be here asking this world to dan... ANDREA GIBSON I'll call you," he repeated. "If you call me, I won't pick up the phone." "You will wait b... ILONA ANDREWS There are only so many of us born at a time and we are thrown into the world to find each other, to ... PLEASEFINDTHIS I always knew it would end like this. It always does. There’s no point in fighting it, Aladdin. It... JESSICA KHOURY There’s all this pressure in our society to be beautiful, to be strong, to be sexy. So we spend ou... VIRONIKA TUGALEVA I look up, and he’s searching my eyes, just like he did after kissing me for the first time in the... BETH REVIS Damn, I love you, but this is crazy, I have to fight you almost daily, We break up so fast... JOHN LEGEND I walked across an empty land I knew the pathway like the back of my hand I felt the earth... BIL KEANE when the phone rings I too would like to hear words that might ease some of this. CHARLES BUKOWSKI O, weary angels, don’t look at me with those eyes. If that is your state then wha... KAMAND KOJOURI The Quiet World In an effort to get people to look into each other’s eyes more, JEFFREY MCDANIEL GLINDA: Well,I'm a public figure now! People expect me to-- ELPHABA: Lie? GLIN... STEPHEN SCHWARTZ Ah, yeah. Yeah, tis awful all right. Well, your Mam wanted me to talk to you about it, but…’ CIARáN WEST It’s not the word that’s important, it’s the right to say any word you want to and to form any... ARUN D. ELLIS We have tears in our eyes As we wave our goodbyes, We so loved being with you, we three. ROALD DAHL I am looking for friends. What does that mean -- tame?" "It is an act too often neglected... ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPéRY FORBIDDEN Pain without learning is forbidden, waking up one day not knowing what to do, JOSé N. HARRIS Walk a bit further. There is a different land not far away. The people in it have the ma... DONNA GODDARD We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is ... JOSEPH CAMPBELL I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted I thought about our last kiss, how... 5 SECONDS OF SUMMER Show me your memories of the kiss.” I close my eyes. The heat creeps up my cheeks, which is silly ... SUSAN EE He’s not that smart.” “She’s right,” Augustus says. “It’s just that most re... JOHN GREEN That’s when I realized that I really loved you.” She sat down on the floor with me. She sp... STEPHEN CHBOSKY But we're not sleeping," he points out. "well, I would be," I say, "if you would let me off the... LAUREN BARNHOLDT Harry’s letter to his daughter: If I could give you just one thing, I’d want it to be... HARRY BROWNE Don’t turn your face away. Once you’ve seen, you can no longer act like you don’t know.<... VASHTI QUIROZ-VEGA You understand why you must go through with this marriage.” “You say you couldn’t live wi... JESSICA KHOURY Of course men can’t know you when you’re unclean,’ said Hilda. ‘It says so in the Bible. Tha... FAY WELDON What a skeletal wreck of man this is. Translucent flesh and feeble bones, the kind of temp... STONE SOUR Death is nothing at all, I have only slipped away into the next room, I am I and you are you... HENRY SCOTT HOLLAND OK, now let’s have some fun. Let’s talk about sex. Let’s talk about women. Freud said he didn�... KURT VONNEGUT L: You want me just to be your... friend? E: You want the truth? I think you're my guardi... SOPHIE KINSELLA So you didn’t tell me it was a messed-up idea to keep this all a secret because. . .” CHRIS CRUTCHER Cats don’t have names,” it said. “No?” said Coraline. “No,” said t... NEIL GAIMAN It’s the end. It’s the end of the civilization. We’re going down. No, it’s sure n... M.T. ANDERSON You may compare yourself to others, and feel insecure about your own worthiness. Don’t ... JENNIFER SODINI This poem is very long So long, in fact, that your attention span May be stretched to its ... COLLEEN HOOVER Look, this is all very, very weird. Why are you focusing on rumours and urban legends? You haven’t... DEREK LANDY They're kicking us out saying it's time to close We're leaning on each other try'na beat the c... THE SCRIPT So now it’s this thing I do. I go away, ever so often, by myself, for myself, to new pla... CHARLOTTE ERIKSSON ROSE: I love you, Jack. JACK: No...don’t say your goodbyes, Rose. Don’t you give up. ... JAMES FRANCIS CAMERON I am not the first person you loved. You are not the first person I looked at with a mouth... CLEMENTINE VON RADICS Private Parts The first love of my life never saw me naked - there was always a parent co... SARAH KAY Gestalt Prayer I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to... FREDERICK SALOMON PERLS Devereaux is going with our pitch.” “Hey, that’s just great,” I said superperkily. “W... MARIAN KEYES Breaking the circle” My eyes darken when I see my new lover. Fresh prey. My body d... ASPER BLURRY Butterfly. What a beautiful word What a delicate creature. Delicate like the cruel wo... COLLEEN HOOVER there is a loneliness in this world so great that you can see it in the slow movement of t... CHARLES BUKOWSKI If I could take a bite of the whole world And feel it on my palate I’d be more happy for... ALBERTO CAEIRO Tell me about the dream where we pull the bodies out of the lake ... RICHARD SIKEN You must not always believe me when I say I will love you untill eternity because lo... NEENA H BRAR I don't have any idea what to wear anymore, so I tried to cover all bases." "Try skin." "L... KAREN MARIE MONING Isn’t it funny how we make rational excuses for being out of alignment? We say, “Wel... ALARIC HUTCHINSON It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen All dressed in white Going to the churc... CARRIE UNDERWOOD Pretty Song" From the complications of loving you I think there is no end or return.... MARY OLIVER I don’t understand the hatred and fear of gays and bisexuals and lesbians… it’s a concept... AL PACINO Did you know that seventy-five to eighty percent of juvenile offenders can’t read at grade level?�... CAROLEE DEAN HARRY: "Oh, Draco . . . we can’t. We can’t use it." Draco looks up at Harry, and f... J.K. ROWLING Something about you caught me by surprise Though I always knew you’d be my demise. R.S. GREY On Writing: Aphorisms and Ten-Second Essays 1. A beginning ends what an end begins. JAMES RICHARDSON If I'm a bad person, you don't like me Well I guess I'll make my own way It's a circle HAYLEY WILLIAMS Is this Clarissa Fray?" The voice on the other end of the phone sounded familiar, though not immedia... CASSANDRA CLARE So what I want to know is why it is that I can no longer find you, in my mind. You are still there, ... NEIL GAIMAN Yawn... I believe that I love sleep much more than anybody I’ve ever met. CHARLES BUKOWSKI Each of us views life through a different lens. What we think is colored by the baggage we carry, an... LAURIE BUCHANAN, PHD There was something wrong with me. The human body doesn’t want to get hurt. We’re pro... MAGGIE STIEFVATER The Pretender Keep you in the dark you know they all pretend Keep you in the dark an... FOO FIGHTERS I see how it is,” I snapped. “You were all in favor of me breaking the tattoo and thinking on my... RICHELLE MEAD When When it’s over, it’s over, and we don’t know any of us, what happens th... MARY OLIVER and half of learning to play is learning what not to play and she's learning the spaces she lea... ANI DIFRANCO The world is too much with us; late and soon, Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers; WILLIAM WORDSWORTH Sometimes we realize that we are like facebook , people using us for themselves , meeting each ... AKASH KHIALANI All I ever did to that apartment was hang fifty yards of yellow theatrical silk across the bedroom w... JOAN DIDION We can never make proper goodbyes. It was your last ride in a Checker cab and you had no warning. It... COLSON WHITEHEAD That time I thought I could not go any closer to grief without dying I wen... MARY OLIVER to fight for each minute is to fight for what is possible within yourself, so that y... CHARLES BUKOWSKI It’s not that we have to quit this life one day, but it’s how many things we have to... ROMAN PAYNE It’s not that we have to quit this life one day, but it’s how many things we have to... ROMAN PAYNE Life has no victims. There are no victims in this life. No one has the right to point fin... C. JOYBELL C. Basch: So why don't you ask her out? The Runt: I'm scared she wouldn't like me and say no... SAMUEL SHEM Sending out the Disciples Luke 10 1: AFTER THESE THINGS THE LORD APPOINTED O... SWAMI DHYAN GITEN When it came time for me to give my talk on the subject, I started off by drawing an outline of the ... RICHARD FEYNMAN Well, you would realize… Like i eventually realized… That the good things about her? COLLEEN HOOVER It’s midnight!” he says frantically, slapping at the door. “Call her. Call your roommate!” COLLEEN HOOVER You think when someone you love passes away, everything becomes clearer, that your priorities and pe... RACHAEL WADE I like you,” Gary finally said in a low voice. “Thank you? I thought you already did.” T.J. KLUNE It’s sarcasm, Josh.” “Sarcasm?” “It’s from the Greek, sarkasmos. T... CHRISTOPHER MOORE Lately I can't help wanting us to be like other people. For example, if I were a smoker, DEBORAH GARRISON If You Forget Me I want you to know one thing. You know how this is: PABLO NERUDA Please. What’s your name?” Coraline asked the cat. “Look, I’m Coraline. Okay?” ... NEIL GAIMAN
More Ellen DeGeneres
I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we... ELLEN DEGENERES I would love for the world to be happier. ELLEN DEGENERES I learned compassion from being discriminated against. Everything bad that's ever happened to me... ELLEN DEGENERES So many people prefer to live in drama because it's comfortable. It's like someone staying i... ELLEN DEGENERES If you're going to be honest with yourself, you have to admit that you go into show business wan... ELLEN DEGENERES The world is full of a lot of fear and a lot of negativity, and a lot of judgment. I just think peop... ELLEN DEGENERES Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others. ELLEN DEGENERES And now I've got to explain the smell that was in there before I went in there. Does that ever happe... ELLEN DEGENERES Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are. ELLEN DEGENERES The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens.... ELLEN DEGENERES I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I... ELLEN DEGENERES Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer. ELLEN DEGENERES I'm just saying we can all work on our manners. We can say please and thank you. We can be punctual.... ELLEN DEGENERES Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside - to have a big hear a... ELLEN DEGENERES Life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The thing everyone should reali... ELLEN DEGENERES It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves. ELLEN DEGENERES If someone ever says you’re weird, say thank you. ELLEN DEGENERES If your Birthday is on Christmas day and you're not Jesus, you should start telling people your birt... ELLEN DEGENERES You just have to keep driving down the road. It's going to bend and curve and you'll speed up and sl... ELLEN DEGENERES Haiku sounds like I'm Saying hi to someone named Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello. ELLEN DEGENERES Answers to Frequently Asked Questions: Yes. Yes. No. One time in high school. ELLEN DEGENERES Contribute to the world. Help people. Help one person. Help someone cross the street today. Help som... ELLEN DEGENERES Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim thr... ELLEN DEGENERES The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yours... ELLEN DEGENERES So be who you really are. Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless y... ELLEN DEGENERES Who's to say what's better or worse anyway? Who's to even say what's normal or average? We're all di... ELLEN DEGENERES Our flaws are what makes us human. If we can accept them as part of who we are, they really don't ev... ELLEN DEGENERES Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also ha... ELLEN DEGENERES Way, way back in the day, like in the 1990s, if you wanted to tell everyone you ate waffles for brea... ELLEN DEGENERES I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clappin... ELLEN DEGENERES I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and... ELLEN DEGENERES It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success. ELLEN DEGENERES It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive. ELLEN DEGENERES Find out who you are and figure out what you believe in. Even if it's different from what your neigh... ELLEN DEGENERES True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is ab... ELLEN DEGENERES Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system. ELLEN DEGENERES When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when... ELLEN DEGENERES My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the c... ELLEN DEGENERES Laugh. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh. Keep doing it even if peo... ELLEN DEGENERES If you want to test cosmetics, why do it on some poor animal who hasn't done anything? They should u... ELLEN DEGENERES I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful ... ELLEN DEGENERES You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She... ELLEN DEGENERES I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, So... ELLEN DEGENERES Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. ELLEN DEGENERES I was in yoga the other day. I was in full lotus position. My chakras were all aligned. My mind is c... ELLEN DEGENERES Don't give advice. It will come back and bite you in the [butt]. Don't take anyone's advice. So, my ... ELLEN DEGENERES The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhar... ELLEN DEGENERES The only thing I really recommend, if you're starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anyb... ELLEN DEGENERES People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. ELLEN DEGENERES The stand up, everything was accidental. I never grew up and was the class clown and had to get the ... ELLEN DEGENERES People give me such a hard time because I don't wear dresses. What's that got to do with any... ELLEN DEGENERES My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and ... ELLEN DEGENERES Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find... ELLEN DEGENERES I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beauti... ELLEN DEGENERES I don't pay attention to the number of birthdays. It's weird when I say I'm 53. It just ... ELLEN DEGENERES We focus so much on our differences, and that is creating, I think, a lot of chaos and negativity an... ELLEN DEGENERES Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log. ELLEN DEGENERES I think everybody should have the same anger towards the injustice that's happening and the hatr... ELLEN DEGENERES I have sadness in me. I have anger in me. I have heartbreak in me. ELLEN DEGENERES Whatever you define family as, family is just a part of belonging to something that takes care of yo... ELLEN DEGENERES We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to ... ELLEN DEGENERES I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness - and then the other 23 hours a... ELLEN DEGENERES If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one... ELLEN DEGENERES Here are the values that I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the w... ELLEN DEGENERES It's our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they... ELLEN DEGENERES Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it. ELLEN DEGENERES I just want to find somebody special, somebody that I click with. ELLEN DEGENERES We have two dogs, Mabel and Wolf, and three cats at home, Charlie, George and Chairman. We have two ... ELLEN DEGENERES I didn't grow up in a house - we moved a lot, and we always lived in apartments. But we looked a... ELLEN DEGENERES Right before I decided to come out, I went on a spiritual retreat called 'Changing the Inner Dia... ELLEN DEGENERES Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's j... ELLEN DEGENERES I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. ELLEN DEGENERES I'm sure there's somebody out there who doesn't like Betty White because she's short... ELLEN DEGENERES I love kids. But that's such a big commitment. And it seems long-term. It seems like a commitmen... ELLEN DEGENERES I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about w... ELLEN DEGENERES I like being busy and juggling a lot of things at the same time. I get bored easily, so I need to do... ELLEN DEGENERES I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego. I believe we'r... ELLEN DEGENERES I'm not an activist; I don't look for controversy. I'm not a political person, but I'... ELLEN DEGENERES My father was a first reader in the Christian Science Church, which is similar to being a preacher. ... ELLEN DEGENERES I became vegan because I saw footage of what really goes on in the slaughterhouses and on the dairy ... ELLEN DEGENERES Have you ever heard somebody sing some lyrics that you've never sung before, and you realize you've ... ELLEN DEGENERES I'm so unfamiliar with the gym, I call it James! ELLEN DEGENERES My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we d... ELLEN DEGENERES I do have ADD and in real life, I'm all over the place and can hardly focus. If we were talking ... ELLEN DEGENERES I still have the shirt I wore my first time on Johnny Carson's show. Only now I use it as a tabl... ELLEN DEGENERES You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an i... ELLEN DEGENERES When I was younger I thought success was something different. I thought, " When I grow up, I want to... ELLEN DEGENERES You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I thi... ELLEN DEGENERES What you look like on the outside is not what makes you cool at all. I mean, I had a mullet and wore... ELLEN DEGENERES I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe ... ELLEN DEGENERES The way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain ... ELLEN DEGENERES Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm ... ELLEN DEGENERES The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on... ELLEN DEGENERES Sometimes when I am driving I get so angry at inconsiderate drivers that I want to scream at them. B... ELLEN DEGENERES I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. For one thing, there's morning sickness. If I... ELLEN DEGENERES They say you just stand over there, he'll say thank you and you walk back off and that's what I thou... ELLEN DEGENERES In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was s... ELLEN DEGENERES Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and ha... ELLEN DEGENERES Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others. ELLEN DEGENERES Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off. ELLEN DEGENERES My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we d... ELLEN DEGENERES I was coming home from kindergarten--well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had ... ELLEN DEGENERES I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been ... ELLEN DEGENERES I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. I... ELLEN DEGENERES For me, it's that I contributed, ... That I'm on this planet doing some good and making people happy... ELLEN DEGENERES I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but lo... ELLEN DEGENERES Life is like one big Mardi Gras. But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain, and if t... ELLEN DEGENERES Some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most. ELLEN DEGENERES Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the wo... ELLEN DEGENERES People love gossip. It's the biggest thing that keeps the entertainment industry going. ELLEN DEGENERES And we certainly don't have full conversations on cellphones. You know? Usually the reception is so ... ELLEN DEGENERES "I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. ... ELLEN DEGENERES I just feel like every kid is growing up too fast and they're seeing too much. Everything is abo... ELLEN DEGENERES I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had... ELLEN DEGENERES its like picking your least favorite color of the rainbow ELLEN DEGENERES I have a great career, and I have wonderful fans who really are supportive and loyal - because I'... ELLEN DEGENERES Our egos tells us we're the only ones that have any kind of feelings. We're the only ones with a rel... ELLEN DEGENERES People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. ELLEN DEGENERES And be sure to look for me next month when I host the North Korean Peoples Choice Awards. ELLEN DEGENERES We've quit our agents, let go of our publicist. We're selling our house and leaving town. ELLEN DEGENERES Soap Talk. ELLEN DEGENERES There are a million people who are refugees, ... Life goes on, and if it didn't impact you directly,... ELLEN DEGENERES [I went to a] coffee shop here and the smallest coffee is a tall... "I need a coffee with a side of ... ELLEN DEGENERES I didn't want the Web site to be impersonal and I wanted to interact with people, ... The hammer and... ELLEN DEGENERES "Here's the analogy. If my body were a car, I'd be thinking about trading it in around now. I would ... ELLEN DEGENERES Oh she tripped?....Nooo, she's running. I thought she tripped but she's running. She stopped running... ELLEN DEGENERES Friends will write me letters. They run out of room on the front of the letter. They write 'over' on... ELLEN DEGENERES [Golden eagles have an interesting way of mating, where they connect in the air while flying at eigh... ELLEN DEGENERES I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like... ELLEN DEGENERES I collect old portraits. They're all just interesting pictures of people, and you just kind of w... ELLEN DEGENERES Faith is part of who I am, yes. I was raised Christian Scientist. The most important thing I saw eve... ELLEN DEGENERES I do fantasize about having my own shop one day. ELLEN DEGENERES But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's g... ELLEN DEGENERES Just go up to somebody on the street and say "You're it!" and just run away. ELLEN DEGENERES In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. The... ELLEN DEGENERES If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one... ELLEN DEGENERES ...if you want to add a little spice to your life, plant some dill. And learn to salsa. ELLEN DEGENERES I'm a lesbian, an Aquarian, and a vegetarian. ELLEN DEGENERES I do like men and I had, you know, a guy in high school that I wanted to marry desperately. He's... ELLEN DEGENERES When we were growing up our parents somehow made it clear that being famous was good. And I mistaken... ELLEN DEGENERES Dan: 'Ah, well, I hope this didn't have anything to do with me.' Ellen: 'No, not unless y... ELLEN DEGENERES My aunt has lost everything, she has nothing. She grabbed four pictures out of her house. She's lost... ELLEN DEGENERES My dad is still Christian Scientist. My mom's not, and I'm not. But I believe in God, and th... ELLEN DEGENERES Procrastinate now, don't put it off. ELLEN DEGENERES "I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises." ELLEN DEGENERES "I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just lik... ELLEN DEGENERES I'm probably the most honest person you'll ever meet - to a fault, like, I-will-hurt-your-fe... ELLEN DEGENERES Hosting the Oscars is pretty much the scariest thing you can do. To me, this is right up there with ... ELLEN DEGENERES I would say 'no'! It's such a thankless job. If you do great, nobody mentions it. If you don't, ever... ELLEN DEGENERES I think I let go of the need for approval, ELLEN DEGENERES I think I let go of the need for approval, ... It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used t... ELLEN DEGENERES But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get o... ELLEN DEGENERES "I see those picketers, and I think you know, if I weren't a loving, non-violent, spiritual person, ... ELLEN DEGENERES The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincid... ELLEN DEGENERES "I swear if Colgate comes out with one more type of toothepaste. I just want clean teeth that's all ... ELLEN DEGENERES Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called ... ELLEN DEGENERES You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me be... ELLEN DEGENERES The problem with labels is that they lead to stereotypes and stereotypes lead to generalizations and... ELLEN DEGENERES I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had... ELLEN DEGENERES Don't hold onto things, it will only bring you pain. ELLEN DEGENERES That's what life is all about. There's a lot of crying. So you'd better cry now and get used to it. ELLEN DEGENERES The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it fell out of a tree onto your head. ELLEN DEGENERES I still get scared at night. Every tiny creak, every little noise, I open my eyes real wide and list... ELLEN DEGENERES [• Ellen DeGeneres , who was praised for her graceful performance as host of the Emmy Awards that ... ELLEN DEGENERES We'll go see some theater, and we'll hang out and do some stuff there. We'll go to clubs, ... Ellen ... ELLEN DEGENERES I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, ''... ELLEN DEGENERES I feel sorry for the newscasters you know? We can turn it off. But that's their job and they have to... ELLEN DEGENERES "I'm feeling so good. I feel like a million bucks. I'm focused, I'm alert, I'm zippy and top of my g... ELLEN DEGENERES Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not... ELLEN DEGENERES You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress. ELLEN DEGENERES "I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises." ELLEN DEGENERES I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, ... ELLEN DEGENERES Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that... ELLEN DEGENERES Hello?..Oh, hi Tom. Ooh, I've been dying to see that movie...Mmm no, I just opened up some yogurt. I... ELLEN DEGENERES It's definitely a heterosexual feeling, but it's directed at you. ELLEN DEGENERES Yeah [I'm thirty-six], but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old w... ELLEN DEGENERES I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from...... ELLEN DEGENERES Trying to get the talk show, looking back on it, we had to beg a lot of station managers to pick up ... ELLEN DEGENERES The first house I bought was a little Spanish bungalow on Clinton Street in West Hollywood, right be... ELLEN DEGENERES I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave ... ELLEN DEGENERES It's not like I grew up playing pranks on people, and I was not that girl in school. ELLEN DEGENERES I just like observing people - it's something I've done ever since I was a kid, and I got re... ELLEN DEGENERES Yeah I'm thirty-six, but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year... ELLEN DEGENERES Anne wrote it for me and directed, so I was stuck with it, ... We always got along. It's almost gros... ELLEN DEGENERES New Orleans is my hometown, and our thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected. ELLEN DEGENERES I've been trying to find women writers for my staff for a while now and I have three women on my... ELLEN DEGENERES In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There w... ELLEN DEGENERES I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. I've started a record label, so I get to nurture new ... ELLEN DEGENERES I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day. ELLEN DEGENERES I've moved about 10 times over the past 15 years. I don't move for the sole purpose of getti... ELLEN DEGENERES The first time probably people really were aware of me, I unfortunately had the title of Showtime... ELLEN DEGENERES Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses,... ELLEN DEGENERES Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe's way of saying stop, slo... ELLEN DEGENERES Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen ... ELLEN DEGENERES Our attention span is shot. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these d... ELLEN DEGENERES You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She... ELLEN DEGENERES I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don't care if it's c... ELLEN DEGENERES I'm grateful for everything. I'm grateful for my health, and I'm so grateful for the lov... ELLEN DEGENERES I say always follow your passion, no matter what, because even if it's not the same financial su... ELLEN DEGENERES There would be nothing to get me to run for president. I don't even understand how anyone would ... ELLEN DEGENERES