When I go to the clinic next and sit with a tube in my arm and watch the poison go in, I'm in an attitude of abject passivity. It doesn't feel like fighting at all; it just feels like submitting.

I feel Anglo-American.

Solidarity is an attitude of resistance, I suppose, or it should be.

Chemotherapy isn't good for you. So when you feel bad, as I am feeling now, you think, 'Well that is a good thing because it's supposed to be poison. If it's making the tumor feel this queasy, then I'm OK with it.'

I can feel his hand on mine. I can feel his arm on mine. A lot of times he climbs up into the bed, next to me, and he'll scratch the top of my head, or he'll just put his face against mine. I have all that feeling,

I feel upsettingly de-natured. If Penelope Cruz were one of my nurses, I wouldn't even notice.