When I was 15, if Stephen Fry had advised me to trim my eyebrows with a Flymo, I would have given it serious consideration.

My eyebrows could do with a trim.

I don't do much to keep in trim - I try to walk places instead of driving whenever I can, but I really ought to do more.

I've been called funny. I assume my wife thinks I'm funny. But generally, if you bumped into me and said hello, I would say hello back, politely. And that would be it.

Don't get me wrong - intellectual snobbery is vulgar and gauche.

I would have written of me on my stone: I had a lover's quarrel with the world.