When I was a kid, my mother's parenting style teetered between benign neglect and intense bouts of violence.

Non-alcoholic ways in which parents may not 'be there' for the children can include:
- violence and sexual abuse
- workholism
- gambling
- transquilliser addiction-
- womanizing
- frequent journeys abroad
- death
- suicide
- being unemployed or unemployable
- frequent hospitalisation
- mental or physical handicap
- excessive religiosity
- rigid rules and regulations
- homes where children are never allowed to be themselves but must always be pleasing to adults

I don't know if my mother was a narcissist - or bi-polar or borderline. Those were words she tossed around over the years.

The pressure is there because there's been benign neglect. We know it's decaying. We know it's not safe.

They don't require a lot of care. Benign neglect is the best way to grow them.

Perhaps it takes courage to raise children..