When I was little, my dad used to tell me, "Will, you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose.

Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die.

She has great breasts," the Colonel said without looking up from the whale.
"DO NOT OBJECTIFY WOMEN'S BODIES!" Alaska shouted.
Now he looked up. "Sorry. Perky breasts."
"That's not any better!

It's my job as best friend to make sure he's not a serial killer. Or an English major, not sure which one's worse.

Friends are thieves of time.

How will I ever get out of this labyrinth!" to a margin note written in her loop-heavy cursive: Straight & Fast.