When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.


Anonymous

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

You didn't kill him. He would have killed you, but you didn't kill him."
"So? He was stupid. If...
TAMORA PIERCE
You were always saying you were gonna shoot him," he mutters, but it's kind of half-hearted. "Stupid...
RICHARD RIDER
I believed him, stupid me. What kind of bookkeeping is that?
ANNE PHILLIPS
Maybe I’m stupid. Maybe I’m just as evil as he is by keeping my mouth shut. But he told me once ...
LAUREN HAMMOND
Out started six officers, seized my bridle, put their pistols to my breast, ordered me to dismount, ...
PAUL REVERE
He pointed at me and said, 'that one won't stand up.' The two policemen came near me and only one sp...
ROSA PARKS
He automatically put handcuffs on me. I asked him why he was arresting me. The officer who was searc...
BRUCE WHITE
I think I've hit a couple off him. He's thrown more than one stupid pitch to me,
BARRY BONDS
He was stupid. If I killed everyone who was stupid, I wouldn't have time to sleep.
TAMORA PIERCE
When they stood up and I stayed where I was, he asked me if I was going to stand and I told him that...
ROSA PARKS
It was him. I tackled him and hugged him. We fell to the ground. He was my son. He was my heart. . ....
TERRY CARTER
I was asked a stupid question, ... And they got me.
ROBERT MASSEY
The mayor asked me what I was looking for, and I told him a venue to play in and to bring revenue in...
DENISE PULPHUS
Leroy bet me I couldn't find a pot of gold at the end, and I told him that was a stupid bet because ...
RITA MAE BROWN
I asked him what he was doing, and he told me he got into carbon fiber cellos,
PAUL ROSENTHAL
Finch?" I ask him with my best fake smile. "Will you go to the stupid Sig Tau Valentine's Date party...
JAMIE MCGUIRE
I hate hiding how much the stupid things he did hurt me, but I hated the idea of him finding out eve...
LEIGH BARDUGO
When the suicide arrived at the sky, the people there asked him: "Why?" He replied: "Because no one ...
STEPHEN CRANE
I had a nightmare. So my friend asked me what it was. I told him it was him sleeping with my mom. He...
MUNTAZIR M.
When Brian told me he grew up in New Mexico, I told him I thought it is cool that people from other ...
TERRY BRADSHAW
Leroy bet me I couldn't find a pot of gold at the end, and I told him that was a stupid bet beca...
RITA MAE BROWN
My pastor asked me if I ever thought of divorcing him. I told him no, but I thought about shooting h...
MARIE FABRICIUS
I care. They bother me. And that's why I'm stupid. That makes me exponentially more stupid than stup...
KAMI GARCIA
We really want to find him before he does something else stupid or something happens to him.
JOHN URQUHART
I told him like I told everyone on national television that I didn't intentionally hit him but it wa...
RYAN NEWMAN
Stupid people do make me lose my temper and most people are stupid, fortunately for me. It's mad...
ALBERT GUBAY
Many people are smarter than their stupid bosses.
TOBA BETA
The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN
I never even heard of him or met him in my life. But when I got downstairs, he said, 'I've been wait...
HAL TURNER
The worst was relizing that I’d lost him for nothing because he’d been rght about all of it-- va...
CLAUDIA GRAY
It doesn't bother me that people are stupid. I'm not stupid.
AHMED BEST
He simply told me that they had decided to give the sponsorship to another company. I asked him (who...
DAVID KINSMAN
I'm a human being and I've got thoughts and secrets and bloody life inside me that he doesn't know i...
ALAN SILLITOE
We talked for two to five minutes. He asked me where I was coming from. I told him 'I'm lost right n...
JOE WHITE
One customer told me he asked his wife if she wanted to go out to dinner, ... She told him, 'No, let...
CAROL BOOTH
I asked him who did this, and do you know what this man told me with his last breath?
ALFRED HITCHCOCK
It's a stupid leader who can't turn follower when somebody offers him a wiser course
ORSON SCOTT CARD
He who knows not and knows not he knows not: he is a fool - shun him. He who knows not and knows he ...
PROVERB
I lost my dad two years ago to cancer, and before he died, I asked him to write 'Daddy's Lit...
PRIYANKA CHOPRA
He who knows he who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool, shun him; He who knows no...
PROVERB
Sure the people are stupid: the human race is stupid. Sure Congress is an inefficient instrument of ...
BERNARD DEVOTO
I asked him why he gave me a girl's name, ... He told me it was the proper way to spell it. But no o...
JOHN MADDEN
We sat down eye to eye. I told him what I expected of him, and he told me what he expected of me.
LONDRICK NOLEN
He knows me. I'm his teacher. I taught him everything he knows.
PHILLIP DANIELS
He asked me how many high school games I had coached. I told him it was around 780, and he said, 'I ...
FLOYD CIRUTI
My sister was the one who told me where babies come from. My sister was also the one who laughed whe...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
He who knows not, knows not, he knows not, he is a fool shun him.
He who knows not and knows h...
BRUCE LEE
I sang for him several times. He always asked me to play this one ...
MARCELINO MARTINEZ GARCIA
Men are four: He who knows not and knows not he knows not, he is a fool--shun him; He who kno...
LADY BURTON
He who knows not, knows not, he knows not, he is a fool shun him.
He who knows not and he know...
BRUCE LEE
For me, it works to my advantage when people think I'm stupid. If somebody who disdains you or w...
VERONICA WEBB
I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn'...
JIM CARREY
I asked, and the [official] told me it wasn't anything [Perry] said. He said he just didn't like the...
DAVID PYPER
On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn'...
PAUL MERTON
He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool. Shun him. He who knows not and knows tha...
ARAB PROVERB
He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool, shun him; He who knows not, and knows ...
PERSIAN PROVERB
But there is one person who expected the unexpected from me and the only time I noticed disappointme...
KATIE MCGARRY
The biggest misconception people have about me is that I'm stupid.
BILLY IDOL
Once he asked me what I thought had turned me gay."
"I hope you told him you were bitten by a g...
CASSANDRA CLARE
Either he is naive, or he thinks people are stupid!
HOMA ARJOMAND
When I was labeled stupid, that scarred me forever.
TERRY BRADSHAW
The one person I really like to beat is Michael Schumacher because it makes me feel better due to th...
FERNANDO ALONSO
He did some stupid things, but he didn't intend to kill him.
NANCY HOLTON
One of the Swiss players swore at me and showed me the finger, and when he says he didn't do it, eve...
FATIH TERIM
Everyone here is related to me. I always reach out to people. My brother called and I told him, 'Com...
DOROTHY DUNBAR
He was one of the most supremely stupid men I have ever met. He taught me a great deal.
JOHN FOWLES
I let him kiss me because he had been in war and he fought for me, ... I only wish now I had had a c...
EDITH SHAIN
I think he fucked me stupid"- McKenzie Matthews- Being Beckett's
P.S. BERRYMAN
When I reached Vaucouleurs, I easily recognized Robert de Baudricourt, although I had never seen him...
JOAN OF ARC
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my ...
ANONYMOUS
I stopped believing in santa clause when at age six my mother took me to a department store to see h...
SHIRLEY TEMPLE
Karl has truthfully told everyone who's asked him that he did not circulate Valerie Plame's name to ...
ROBERT LUSKIN
Trust me: not everyone is on the Adriane Lenox bandwagon. I'm not stupid enough to think that.
ADRIANE LENOX
The biggest misconception people have about me is that I'm stupid.
BILLY IDOL
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
ANONYMOUS
My brother wouldn't let me just throw it back to him. He taught me how to long snap, and he told me ...
ETHAN ALBRIGHT
If he asked me I would give him an opinion.
JOANNE MCLEOD
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he a...
SHIRLEY TEMPLE
My friend told me later he got the chicken pox. I told him I caught politics and never got over it.
JACK JOHNSON
He told me, he told you, he told everybody. And they killed him.
DANIEL CORONELL
I told him I would have too see about paying him, ... He told me not to worry about it.
JIMMY WHITE
I thanked him and he asked me if my cape got caught on stuff when I was running and jumping, and I s...
JOE R. LANSDALE
Jesse McCartney is one of the nicest people around. I hate when I hear bad things about him, because...
ZAC EFRON
When I was a kid, Jacques Cousteau was my hero and the person who inspired me to become an underwate...
ENRIC SALA
The next time I contacted him I asked him how the fan arrived and was it working, and he told me the...
DENISE JORGENSON
Every journalist who is not too stupid or too full of himself to notice what is going on knows that ...
CLIVE OWEN
One of the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship with Zaphod was learning to d...
DOUGLAS ADAMS
The enemy wasn't men, or women, or the old, or even the dead. It was just bleedin' stupid people, wh...
TERRY PRATCHETT
I told him he could have it. If he gave me a new house. Or a new motorcycle.
EDDIE PEREZ
I surprised a local minister at the age of 10 when he asked me what I wanted to be and I told him th...
GRAEME CLARK
He asked for that. Since the first one, he wasn't on me for that one, but after that one, they put h...
BON BEAN
You know I blamed Craig for not letting me do things? You know how stupid I feel about that now? May...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
If I knew he loved me for my wealth, I would have told him I was richer.
LJUPKA CVETANOVA
On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn&...
PAUL MERTON
The enemy isn't men, or women, it's bloody stupid people and no one has the right to be stupid.
TERRY PRATCHETT
He's not stupid enough. And he's not the kind of person who says 'I got two, but I'm sending you one...
ROBERT MCDUFF
Today I decided to do some manly work. I sat down on the couch and I'm watching TV. It's hard but it...
STUPID QUOTES
He asked me what in the world I was doing in the Marines and I told him I'd be out in a few years an...
JERRY BROOKINGS
I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or ...
JAMES JOYCE
He told me he was sorry about my son, and that he made a mistake. I told him that I understood that....
HARZEL TYUS

More Anonymous

Animals are human just like us in a different shape and form so do not abuse them.
ANONYMOUS ANONYMOUS
You don't have to touch someone to love them, It's not in the kiss, It's in the times you don't kiss...
ANONYMOUS ANONYMOUS
Glory be to Him who changes others and remains Himself unchanged!
ANONYMOUS
Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone one who loves is born of God an...
ANONYMOUS
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement
give you a spirit of unity among yourselves ...
ANONYMOUS
Some men are born with cold feet; some acquire cold feet; and some have cold feet thrust upon them.
ANONYMOUS
Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can be...
ANONYMOUS
Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings.
ANONYMOUS
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
ANONYMOUS
Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what y...
ANONYMOUS
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...
ANONYMOUS
Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.
ANONYMOUS
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man.
ANONYMOUS
He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.
ANONYMOUS
All marriages are happy. It's living together afterwards that is difficult.
ANONYMOUS
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. "What do yo...
ANONYMOUS
A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.
ANONYMOUS
Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.
ANONYMOUS
Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...b...
ANONYMOUS
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her o...
ANONYMOUS
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family d...
ANONYMOUS
The most expensive wedding usually ends with the quickest divorce.
ANONYMOUS
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
ANONYMOUS
Leadership is the ability to hide your panic from others.
ANONYMOUS
An expert knows all the answers -- if you ask the right questions.
ANONYMOUS
Time cuts down all, Both great and small.
ANONYMOUS
Few cases of eyestrain have been developed by looking on the bright side of things.
ANONYMOUS
Be an optimist -- at least until they start moving animals in pairs to Cape Canaveral.
ANONYMOUS
Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell. •Anonymous Many an o...
ANONYMOUS
Some of the smallest situations are the biggest to some people.
ANONYMOUS
Man endures pain as an undeserved punishment; woman accepts it as a natural heritage.
ANONYMOUS
Defeat may test you; it need not stop you. If at first you don't succeed, try another way. For eve...
ANONYMOUS
Anarchy - it's not the law, it's just a good idea.
ANONYMOUS
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
ANONYMOUS
A friend is one to whom you can pour out the contents of your heart, chaff and grain alike. Knowin...
ANONYMOUS
Friendship is a living thing that lasts only as long as it is nourished with kindness, empathy and u...
ANONYMOUS
She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.
ANONYMOUS
many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting; but a ...
ANONYMOUS
Lady Wisdom will be your close friend; and Brother Knowledge will be your pleasant companion.
ANONYMOUS
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.
ANONYMOUS
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is possible only when one is busy. The body must toil, the mind must be occupied, and the ...
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is like jam. You can't spread even a little without getting some on yourself.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is the overcoming of not unknown obstacles toward a known goal.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness seems to be the result of something happening — inactivity is not very exhilarating.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is not pleasure, it's victory.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is often the result of being too busy to be miserable.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is the art of never holding in your mind the memory of any unpleasant thing that has passe...
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is not given but exchanged.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly possessions. It's a mental attitude. It comes f...
ANONYMOUS
If happiness could be brought, few of us could pay the price.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you turn your a...
ANONYMOUS
So live that your memories will be part of your happiness.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness consists in activity; such as the constitution of our nature; it is a running stream, and ...
ANONYMOUS
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is not always measured in smiles.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness lies in our own backyard, but it's probably well hidden by crabgrass.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
ANONYMOUS
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
ANONYMOUS
Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle ...
ANONYMOUS
Faith is like electricity. You can't see it, but you can see the light.
ANONYMOUS
To reprove small faults within due vehemence, is as absurd as if a man should take a great hammer to...
ANONYMOUS
My friend, why have you drifted so far away? All motion is relative, maybe it is you who have moved ...
ANONYMOUS
The happiest business in all the world is that of making friends, And no investment on the street pa...
ANONYMOUS
Flattery looks like friendship, just like a wolf looks like a dog.
ANONYMOUS
Remember that the faith that moves mountains always carries a pick.
ANONYMOUS
When you laugh, be sure to laugh at what people do and not at what people are.
ANONYMOUS
The sound of a kiss is much softer than that of a cannon - but it's echo lasts a great deal longer.
ANONYMOUS
Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding i...
ANONYMOUS
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
ANONYMOUS
When life throws a lemon at you, you throw it straight back at life and miss completely. That's my l...
ANONYMOUS
Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.
ANONYMOUS
Aging is a matter of mind. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
ANONYMOUS
I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, ...
ANONYMOUS
تبسمك في وجه أخيك صدقة، وأمرك بالمعروف صدقة ونهيك عن ال...
ANONYMOUS
The first men to be created and formed were called the Sorcerer of Fatal Laughter, the Sorcerer of N...
ANONYMOUS
Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you...
ANONYMOUS
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
ANONYMOUS
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for ...
ANONYMOUS
Anyone who is having troubles should pray. Anyone who is happy should sing praises. Anyone who is si...
ANONYMOUS
I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.
ANONYMOUS
Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us.
ANONYMOUS
Store front sign: Entire store on sale, everything $1 or more.
ANONYMOUS
If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
ANONYMOUS
Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.
ANONYMOUS
I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?
ANONYMOUS
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!
ANONYMOUS
If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters.
ANONYMOUS
Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
ANONYMOUS
It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too,...
ANONYMOUS
One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less t...
ANONYMOUS
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
ANONYMOUS
In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.
ANONYMOUS
How do you get a Kleenex to dance?
Put a little boogy in it!
ANONYMOUS
For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.
ANONYMOUS
Why does Chuck Norris' calendar go directly from March 31 to April 2nd? Nobody fools Chuck Norris!
ANONYMOUS
I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.
ANONYMOUS
Stop the earth from spinning, I want to get off!
ANONYMOUS
If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.
ANONYMOUS
The last thing that blew my mind was the wind.
ANONYMOUS
Why do you always see lightning first and hear the thunder later? Because your eyes are in front of...
ANONYMOUS
Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I ...
ANONYMOUS
Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits.
ANONYMOUS
Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.
ANONYMOUS
My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty.
ANONYMOUS
Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
ANONYMOUS
Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before.
ANONYMOUS
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
ANONYMOUS
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
ANONYMOUS
When is the longer way always better than the shorter one? When you're a taxi driver.
ANONYMOUS
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.
ANONYMOUS
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my ...
ANONYMOUS
Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn.
ANONYMOUS
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
ANONYMOUS
I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding.
ANONYMOUS
Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
ANONYMOUS
I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.
ANONYMOUS
Think you're smart? Come over and help me with my homework.
ANONYMOUS
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
ANONYMOUS
Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!
ANONYMOUS
I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now.
ANONYMOUS
My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too ...
ANONYMOUS
Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X.
ANONYMOUS
I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.
ANONYMOUS
People think.....
I'm skinny, but I'm really chunky.
I'm cheap, but I'm really thrifty. ANONYMOUS
I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty. T...
ANONYMOUS
I lost control. Offering reward to anyone who finds it.
ANONYMOUS
Chuck Norris is so amazing he can:

Light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.<...
ANONYMOUS
Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time a...
ANONYMOUS
He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!" And he thought, "wow this ...
ANONYMOUS
I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition.
ANONYMOUS
I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
ANONYMOUS
Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart.
ANONYMOUS
Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park.
ANONYMOUS
It's 11PM, do you know where your pants are?
ANONYMOUS
Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some yo...
ANONYMOUS
Don't believe everything fortune cookies tells you. Just because they're sweet doesn't mean they're...
ANONYMOUS
Pleasing everyone, that's impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!
ANONYMOUS
I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.
ANONYMOUS
How do I like my eggs? In a cake.
ANONYMOUS
My grandpa's car is so old; when he parked in front of a museum, they towed his car inside the museu...
ANONYMOUS
Birthdays are nature's way of feeding us cake.
ANONYMOUS
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
ANONYMOUS
I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
ANONYMOUS
There was a robot invented in China that catches thieves. In Australia it caught 10 thieves, in Ame...
ANONYMOUS
I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows.
ANONYMOUS
How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? They both have an iPhone.
ANONYMOUS
Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.
ANONYMOUS
Smile while you still have teeth.
ANONYMOUS
Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.
ANONYMOUS
After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.
ANONYMOUS
Funny sign at health spa: Fresh 10,000 year old mud for sale.
ANONYMOUS
I always mean what I say, I don't always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.
ANONYMOUS
I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.
ANONYMOUS
True love is truly amazing only when it's truly true.
ANONYMOUS
Being married means mostly shouting "What?" from other rooms.
ANONYMOUS
Is it good if a blow dryer blows?
ANONYMOUS
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
ANONYMOUS
Never test how deep the water is with both feet.
ANONYMOUS
Never judge a book by it's movie
ANONYMOUS
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my ...
ANONYMOUS
When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.
ANONYMOUS
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.
ANONYMOUS
If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your sm...
ANONYMOUS
My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.
ANONYMOUS
I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.
ANONYMOUS
Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast...
ANONYMOUS
I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close ...
ANONYMOUS
Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted ...
ANONYMOUS
Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon.
ANONYMOUS
Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.
ANONYMOUS
I'm not really a control freak, but... can I show the right way to do that?
ANONYMOUS
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
ANONYMOUS
I once finished first on my running team, then the coach asked me where everyone else is.
ANONYMOUS
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
ANONYMOUS
Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it's not red!
ANONYMOUS
Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing.
ANONYMOUS
Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge.
ANONYMOUS
I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.
ANONYMOUS
The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people al...
ANONYMOUS
I can make the doorbell ring any time I want, all I have to do is go to the bathroom.
ANONYMOUS
The amount of time it takes for a minute to go by is proportionally dependent with the distance to t...
ANONYMOUS
Bathroom sign above toilet: It's like basketball, the basket is bigger than the ball! Learn to sco...
ANONYMOUS
I can't wait for that to never happen.
ANONYMOUS
I liked the movie Titanic, my favorite character was the iceberg.
ANONYMOUS
Sports top moment: to score a goal but miss in the re-play.
ANONYMOUS
Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light.
ANONYMOUS
Rudeness top moment: to scare an ostrich on an asphalt street.
ANONYMOUS
I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.
ANONYMOUS
Always be positive. *Trips down the stairs* Whew, I got down those stairs fast.
ANONYMOUS
Beauty is mysterious as well as terrible.
ANONYMOUS
An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.
ANONYMOUS
My taste in music ranges from "You've gotta listen to this" to "I know, please don't judge me."
ANONYMOUS
Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face.
ANONYMOUS
You can't please everyone, you're not a Nutella jar.
ANONYMOUS
Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.
ANONYMOUS
It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase al...
ANONYMOUS
If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patte...
ANONYMOUS
Whenever you feel stupid, remember that there are people outside searching for Pokemon.
ANONYMOUS