When my sister Joan arrived, I asked if I could swap her for a rabbit. When I think what a marvellous friend she's been, I'm so glad my parents didn't take me at my word.

I am not a member of Fat Liberation, nor do I think that obesity is healthy. But I do believe that in many ways my life has been a more charmed and happy one because I was always large.

Would I swap what I have achieved as a cook if I could have been as successful as a footballer? Definitely.

There are no makeovers in my books. The ugly duckling does not become a beautiful swan. She becomes a confident duck able to take charge of her own life and problems.

I wish I could swap closets with Diana Vreeland, but I think only my left thigh would fit into her clothing.

I think that I'm so psychotic and so mentally ill that if I could tap into that I could do something really interesting.