When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you're older you begin to get credit for virtues you never possessed. It evens itself out.

The difference between burlesque and the newspapers is that the former never pretended to be performing a public service by exposure.

The only thing God didn't do to Job was give him a computer.

The only kinds of fights worth fighting are those you are going to lose, because somebody has to fight them and lose and lose and lose until someday, somebody who believes as you do wins. In order for somebody to win an important, major fight 100 years hence, a lot of other people have got to be willing - for the sheer fun and joy of it - to go right ahead and fight, knowing you're going to lose. You mustn't feel like a martyr. You've got to enjoy it.

The only thing God didn't do to Job was give him a computer.

If God, as some now say, is dead, He no doubt died of trying to find an equitable solution to the Arab-Jewish problem.