Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
Groucho Marx
Related
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX He was simply screaming out (obscenities) for several minutes in a monologue with a 2-year-old and a...
RICH VOLLBACH These included some disturbingly young people including a 13-year-old, and a scoutmaster who we then...
TERRY JONES We managed to rescue her two-day-old child, five-year-old child and her husband.
MALCOLM MIDGELY Until a child is one year old it is incapable of sin.
THE TALMUD I can party like a twenty-four-year-old but it takes me almost a week to recover.
AMY POEHLER I have a three-year-old and a four-year-old at home, and my mornings are about just dealing with the...
DAMIAN LEWIS The truth is, part of me is every age. I’m a three-year-old, I’m a five-year-old, I’m a thirty...
MITCH ALBOM This (Northeast) location is only four years old, and every year, we've surpassed the year before.
SUZANNE SMITH When a 12-year-old, a 13-year-old, so desperately wants a baby what she's looking for is the kin...
ELLEN BARKIN If you have ever seen a four-year-old trying to lord it over a two-year-old, then you know what the ...
THOMAS SOWELL I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.
DANA CARVEY A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swing...
BILL VAUGHAN A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swing...
BILL VAUGHN I have a six-year-old son and a four-year-old daughter, so I write when they are at school and pre-s...
LIANE MORIARTY I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.
DANA CARVEY I was really surprised by it. This case is about a 12-year-old boy. This is a child. We need to reme...
MARIANN SAMAHA My mind still cannot absorb the fact that someone could do something this cruel and heinous to my 17...
JANET PELASARA There are so many jobs out there that do not require a four-year degree. Students need to understand...
ANDY MELIN A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swing...
BILL VAUGHAN I am a 23 yr old, with the quest of a 5 year old, carelessness of 10 year old, dreams of a 15 year o...
ASHISH RANA Shoe Suede Blues is ten years old this year. The Band consists of four members.
PETER TORK You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Last time I traveled, I traveled with my 2-year-old and my 3-year-old, and they actually did a searc...
MICHELLE GREEN Last year was the first year we did this. We started talking about it four years ago, ... Last year,...
LEE MILLER I think the 20-year-old just thinks everything goes well and the child will always be perfect and th...
DR. CRANSTON CEDERLIND The best argument for teaching poetry is to put a three-year-old or a four-year-old and read Dr. Seu...
ROBERT PINSKY From what I understand, he is a good-sized 9-year-old - he's not a small child. He had already knock...
JAY DILLON I think that's a bit unfair. I'm a father with a 2-year-old child and I feel pretty young, actually.
GORDON BROWN I have an eight-year-old child, and I literally can't wrap my mind around the kind of grief that...
RAINN WILSON My wife and I had made a decision that when our first child arrived I would retire, but with Joshua ...
GARY KIRSTEN I know what dissipate means, Arty. I'm not three, for heaven's sake.
EOIN COLFER I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX I can get moody sometimes when I wake up after a nap - I'm like a four-year-old.
ED WESTWICK That was a good performance for a six-year-old. He ran his heart out, and may have one more run this...
ARTHUR MOORE Now I have the voice of a 16-year-old. I'm looking for a doctor who could give me the body of a ...
JACK KLUGMAN I was 30 years old and I had four kids and I had to decide what happens if there's no more baseball?...
DANNY ARDOIN Sir Gerald Moore: I was at dinner last evening, and halfway through the pudding, this four-year-old ...
TOM WOLFE I was 20 years old at Pearl Harbor. I was in the Navy about a year and four months before the war.
BARNEY ROSS Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER She began to understand why lovers talk baby talk to one another. There was no other socially accept...
CARL SAGAN To simplify your life, just think of yourself as a four-year-old child. Try to imagine the way he th...
SRI CHINMOY I've run from four hurricanes, and every time the eye finds me, ... That's why I'm not running from ...
GEORGE WHITE For me, human rights simply endorse a view of life and a set of moral values that are perfectly clea...
TOM STOPPARD Most of the four year plan is the same old, same old. It's an attempt to raise taxes without cutting...
BARRY WEINSTEIN As a seven-year-old, I remember when Etan Patz disappeared and was immortalized as the first missing...
CHELSEA CAIN I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face, and the blackest eyes... the...
JOHN CARPENTER A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX كنت أصمت أذعن لمصيري. أحمل دميتي,أنزع ملابسها, أشد شعره�...
مليكة مستظرف The norm which the society at large has set today categorically is in the form of preventive measure...
HENRIETTA NEWTON MARTIN LEGAL CONSULTANT I hope that people like 14-year-old Troye are going to find this video.
(in his coming out vid...
TROYE SIVAN She's a four-year player, she can play inside or out.
DICK BLISS Today it has been estimated that the average 70 year old has four chronic conditions and consumes an...
JULIE BISHOP I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN We are in the forest four times a year. We love it out here.
DANIEL LEONHARDT Our deputy looked down the street, saw the man with the 13-year-old child and stopped them.
BARBARA MILLER I kind of doubt 14-year-old girls are downloading or buying Barry Manilow. But a 45-year-old woman w...
CHUCK TAYLOR As a 10-year-old, she was a delightful little child, and it was all these things that happened to he...
DOUG CASKEY [Calvin: A 6-year-old boy who thinks like a grown-up and fantasizes like a child.] Calvin is very fr...
BILL WATTERSON I started out as a 16 year old registering people to vote.
DEFOREST SOARIES You can't write about people out of textbooks, and you can't use jargon. You have to speak clearly a...
KATHERINE ANNE PORTER It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.
PABLO PICASSO It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child
PABLO PICASSO The Present Cant block out the past, Only a new past can block out the old
ROBERT JAMES It will probably attract a lot of 8-year-old boys and 38-year-old dads.
ALLISON SAVICZ Hand any four-year-old a fist full of crayons, and it is a very, very few who don't get busy wit...
CHRIS RASCHKA Nor is it out of character that Chicago's grandest achievement- a largely manmade arc of lakefront p...
PAT COLANDER I"m still completely out of hand, just more like a 12 year-old with responsibility.
TRE COOL It's not over yet, Jenkins, you fucking child killer, everyone knows it. She was a 13-year-old kid, ...
MAGGIE COSTER Here was a problem, that I, a ten year old, could understand and I knew from that moment that I woul...
ANDREW WILES In 1995, the Chinese government picked a 6-year-old child to succeed the Panchen Lama, the second hi...
BARBARA DEMICK Sometimes running for Congress is a four-year strategy in terms of getting out there and building a ...
ARTUR DAVIS Weld looked at our two-year-old program and wanted us to help him find a horse that could be fast an...
BILL HEILIGBRODT Who's going to hire me at 60 years old when they can hire a 30-year old or a 40-year old?
CONNIE BAKER لم يكن بمقدوري سوى الهروب إلى عالمي الخاص: إلى الحلم. أت...
مليكة مستظرف We wouldn't be here if it weren't about abuse. How much do we ask of a 14-year-old child when none o...
GARY MITCHELL My 16-year-old brother does the graphics. And my parents have started to help out a lot more now tha...
EMERSON SPARTZ He could go out and pitch the same way this year and have a tremendous year because things go his wa...
FRANK ROBINSON So far, we've given out 104 cards this year. We want every child to have a card and know that this i...
JUDY HILLBERG I met 92-year-old Isabelle Thomas in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. She has fought four different types of canc...
ERIC LATHAM I can take a three-year-old and make a hit record.
DR. DRE I can't tell you the feeling of seeing a guy you coached run out and play in a big game like that. F...
BOB NEWTON When he gets up there they go this old guy's gonna pitch to me, ha ha, they kind of make fun of him ...
JACKIE BROWN I was always inquisitive as a child, ... I always knocked on doors to find out what could be possibl...
SABEER BHATIA Halfway through her speech, she just turned into a child. She started talking like a 5-year-old. 'I ...
CINDY HOTCHKISS You see yourself as if old and wise.
I see you really miss your childhood.
TOBA BETA They could have been a 35-year-old with three kids, or a 67-year-old male with a list of meds he is ...
JENNY BARRIE I don't want to give advice to a 19-year-old, because I want a 19-year-old to make mistakes and lear...
FIONA APPLE She's been a good shooter for us all year. We've told her to take more shots. We got it down to 15 a...
ANDREW COSTON When the child is twelve, your wife buys her a splendidly silly article of clothing called a trainin...
BILL COSBY I was a child prodigy who had a freak voice of something like four octaves.
JULIE ANDREWS It's a nice plus having her back. She's a four-year player and with that, comes a lot of experience....
GREG DIERKS I'm officially near-famous. If you've got four year old kids and you've got cable, then ...
STEVE BURNS It's winner takes all now. There are 24 points to fight for. We found ourselves in this position las...
DANNY WILSON My four-year-old daughter is soon going to be old enough to look at the children's books upstairs. I...
JENNIFER DEER If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself.
ALBERT EINSTEIN Fashion has this youth mania. But 70-year-old ladies don't have 18-year-old bodies, and 18-year-...
IRIS APFEL Really, they were not doing anything to get poor black folks out of there. And here these two 20-yea...
JOEL BROWN I thought we'd get a bunch but we only had four for most of last year. This will be the first time w...
DEAN TOWER College-bred is a four-year loaf, using dad's dough, Coming out half-baked, with a lot of crust.
SOURCE UNKNOWN
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX