Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.


Groucho Marx

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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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كنت أصمت أذعن لمصيري. أحمل دميتي,أنزع ملابسها, أشد شعره�...
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We are in the forest four times a year. We love it out here.
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SOURCE UNKNOWN

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I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
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Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
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In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
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I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
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I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
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Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
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There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
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She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
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I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
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In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
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There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
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She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
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I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
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I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
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I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
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Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
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My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX
Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
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I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
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The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
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Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
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My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
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My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
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Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
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I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
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You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
[When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX
I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX
Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX
If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX
Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX
And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX
Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX
Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX
Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX
I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX
Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX
Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX