Wish I could, through my own financial prestidigitation, transform a dollar bill into two, or two million. It is an awesome and mysterious skill.


Michael Ian Black

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You're yourself," Tana said, grinning. "More purely yourself than anyone I know. And if you can't se...
HOLLY BLACK
No matter what we're trying to accomplish in life, or what career path we're trying to take,...
LUCAS BLACK
Because they could not determine when they were going to be clear to land, it made no sense to conti...
ANTHONY BLACK
I would attribute it back to a lack of strong demand.
ANTHONY BLACK
From a Salt Lake standpoint right now, you guys have gotten a number of new flights over the past ca...
ANTHONY BLACK
Delta has identified Orlando International Airport as an airport where we lease more space than is n...
ANTHONY BLACK
Acts of God. That doesn't mean they won't, but they're not required to.
ANTHONY BLACK
There will be no non-stop service to Cincinnati from Montgomery.
ANTHONY BLACK
We should be back to normal operations from a Katrina standpoint sometime Thursday.
ANTHONY BLACK
While Delta remains open to reaching consensual agreements to achieve its necessary pilot cost reduc...
ANTHONY BLACK
It's part of our overall efforts to restructure our costs and to get them in line with our operation...
ANTHONY BLACK
The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. It's unbelievable to me. Candy corn i...
LEWIS BLACK
It's still too early to be able to say when he's going to be back playing.
ALEX BLACK
We've had quite a few discover the wonderful reality to why shaving helps so much. It not just for t...
ALEX BLACK
He is not letting the situation get him down and he is already determined to get back on the pitch a...
ALEX BLACK
I think Alan just wants to say that the treatment from Liverpool and all the Manchester United staff...
ALEX BLACK
Alan said when you look down and see your foot in that sort of condition your priorities suddenly go...
ALEX BLACK
Grandfather, Great Spirit, once more behold me on earth and lean to hear my feeble voice.
BLACK ELK
It's a big thing now: A lot of people want to be assistants to celebrities. If you're pursui...
LEWIS BLACK
I love books and the latest autobiographies. I'm a Gemini and love being with people, but then a...
CILLA BLACK
I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.
LEWIS BLACK
Perhaps the gravest under-publicized atrocity in the world is the persecution of Christians.
CONRAD BLACK
I was one of those little girls who practiced signing autographs since I was 5 years old.
REBECCA BLACK
Anybody who likes writing a book is an idiot. Because it's impossible; it's like having a ho...
LEWIS BLACK
I humbly apologise for reality Television.
CILLA BLACK
I'm apolitical. Where all that Conservative business came along from, I don't know.
CILLA BLACK
I am falling apart. My hand is falling apart. I can't shake hands. I had arthritis, and I had an...
CILLA BLACK
You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.
LEWIS BLACK
Someday I would like to be the kind of writer who barrels through a draft, but I can't even seem...
HOLLY BLACK
The Founding Fathers gave the free press the protection it must have to bare the secrets of governme...
HUGO BLACK
I think that many things that go on in an art school have a tendency to undermine confidence, and th...
LEWIS BLACK
Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.
LEWIS BLACK
People would be a lot better off if they'd enjoy being single.
LEWIS BLACK
One thing I know about the rich, being rich, is that you can take money from me and tomorrow, I'...
LEWIS BLACK
If Beethoven and Bach hooked up with Mozart and made a band, they could be a distant runner up to Th...
JACK BLACK
Men are dark animals. Women are the same. But if the females wish to survive, they need to mate with...
ROBERT BLACK
I'm fairly certain that YOLO is just Carpe Diem for stupid people.
JACK BLACK
Big don't mean ugly, and thin sho don't mean pretty. If a person wants to be pretty, they gotta walk...
DANIEL BLACK