Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication.
Groucho Marx
Related I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid. MICHAEL FELDMAN When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell... LINDA KAGE This is sams phone" there was a long,heavy pause, and then: "oh." Another pause. "Youre the girl, ar... MAGGIE STIEFVATER Years ago I had realized I was blaming myself for it. People and doctors would tell me it wasn't my ... ROBERT ANTHONY When I embraced the rock hat, when I put it on two or three years ago, when I realized I'm gonna... GLENN HUGHES About four years ago was the last time I even realized it was Groundhog Day. ANDY MARTIN You cant live champagne life,if you cant buy beer. I DONT KNOW I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d... FRANK FERRANTE My spiked hair goes back about 15 years ago. I had long, curly rocker hair then. The woman who cuts ... GUY FIERI I was trying to talk reason, to try and have a two-way conversation. She considered an adoption but ... MATT DUBAY Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe... JOHN LITHGOW In a moment of sheer terror, I realized I couldn't feel my brain. It was there just a minute ago. Ma... DARYNDA JONES I'm always on top of my [talking] game, but I was just really trying to focus on getting my body whe... FRED SMOOT To this day, I don't really know what happened with him, ... When he tried to make a comeback with u... ROGER STAUBACH When the (Phoenix) steel company closed 30 years ago, no one realized in 10 years, we would all be j... MANNY DEMUTIS When I did this three years ago, it was like death. When I did it last year, it was like near death.... JOHN HOWIE I was a dancer for about 14 years. I was a martial artist for the same amount of time. I quit that w... FALK HENTSCHEL We tried to get one started a few years ago, but it never really got off the ground. DAVE CASSELS From the beginning, I've always had a knack for catchy melodies. But I went through a period whe... JULIANA HATFIELD I started running away when I was five years old. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized... WILLIE AAMES its a metephor, see: you put the killing thing right between your teeth but you dont give it the pow... JOHN GREEN There's a film I did years ago, 'Love Serenade,' that I still really love. It's such... MIRANDA OTTO I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ... ELLIOTT GOULD You took my heart and broke it once more. And you know the saddest part of it all, I've gotten soo u... NANA ADJOA SAAM IRENE NYAME YE AGGREY-FYNN I've been trying to get into comedy for years. I had a meeting with one of the networks a couple... NATALIE ZEA I'm not really a child of this '120 TV channels, a billion websites' era. I tried to liv... BILL CALLAHAN One of my earliest ventures was when I was nine years old. I realized there was a shortage of pencil... BRUCE DICKINSON When I went to the Olympics, I had every intention of shaving the mustache off, but I realized I was... MARK SPITZ I had to resign myself, many years ago, that I'm not too articulate when it comes to explaining ... DAVID BOWIE The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ... GROUCHO MARX I then realized my appearance was a bit odd. My right leg was no longer with me. It had caught somew... DOUGLAS BADER I had prostate cancer that, for me, was debilitating. I didn't touch a guitar for two years, but... RONNIE MONTROSE I always thought this kind of award meant that it was over. I'm here, I think, under false pretences... ROBERT ALTMAN For so many years, I thought it was time that aged me until I realized that I hadn’t really aged a... DEBORAH SIMPSON When I see something, I go for it. JACKEE HARRY Answer, yeah I know it... We were for little period of time texting nothing else... no friendship is... DEYTH BANGER I just like sitting here and listening to the conversation and learning from what everybody is sayin... MATT MARONE I was a fool three years ago. One is always a fool three years ago. DONALD HALL Long hair is a security blanket for me. I cut it short a few years ago and I really never want to do... ALANIS MORISSETTE When I was younger, I had no interest. But after I went to Paris to see the collections for the firs... CAMILLA BELLE Nine Inch Nails was an experiment with me in discipline. I realized when I was 23 that I had never r... TRENT REZNOR But I always really loved to sing and I felt like I should try to figure out a way to have more time... LAURA CANTRELL I was trying to keep calm. Everybody was making noise in the background and I tried not to let it bo... AMANDA SIMMONS The only real laughter comes from despair. GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18. GROUCHO MARX I'm not interested in a film about deceit anymore. I think I was always invested in deceit on so... IRA SACHS When I left India 25 years ago, everybody was headed to the United States. But now they all want to ... AJAY KELA When I was young, my mom realized I could dance and hold a beat, and I really danced just for fun. I... TOM HOLLAND It wasn't until '94 when I tried to commit suicide that I realized that it wasn't about the money. VANILLA ICE I did a pilot for Fox years ago called 'Faceless,' with Sean Bean. I always thought it was s... JOE CARNAHAN i dont like when people say you know when they are in the middle of telling you something to me it g... DALLY SALAD till I was about 17. I can't remember why I stopped. I've tried (to suck my thumb) since, but it doe... TILDA SWINTON So I started chanting when I was nineteen, which was about twelve years ago, and it really had a hug... DUNCAN SHEIK I joined the National Table Tennis Association two years ago. About one-and-a-half years ago I was r... DAVID GANT My background was always more soulful pop. I was named after Ella Fitzgerald, and when I was a kid, ... ELLA EYRE The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a... NOAH BAUMBACH Dont try to go too fast. Learn your job. Dont ever talk until you know what youre talking about. If ... SAM RAYBURN My secret dream has always been to be a jazz musician. I tried the saxophone for a year or two when ... GASPARD ULLIEL I did a series in Britain years ago called 'Skins,' and I remember my little sister telling ... BEN LLOYD-HUGHES After that conversation everything was very positive. I thought he really bought into what we were t... LARRY BROWN First thing I did when I found out I made it into the top 13 is I tried not to faint and you know, I... HALEY REINHART I tried to get a baseball movie made a couple of years ago and I don't think it didn't happe... CALLIE KHOURI Once I found these sticker things for your nails - Sally Hansen - those were really fun to do. They&... GIA COPPOLA We realized it won't be easy anymore this year. It clicked tonight. Everybody was swinging hard. It ... BAILEE CHASTAIN I was trying for a few years to get on full-time and when the opportunity came it was great, BRETT MILLER The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl. IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl. IRVING BERLIN I was trying to spin into the middle, and when I spun the first time, I realized there were three gi... BIANCA WHITE Imagination! Imagination! I put it first years ago, when I was asked what qualities I thought necess... ELLEN TERRY Imagination! Imagination! I put it first years ago, when I was asked what qualities I thought nece... ELLEN TERRY I tried stuff, but it wasn't really working, so I waited for him to make a mistake. He was flat-foot... DALE SHULL i tried to find it but there was no answer at the end of the last conversation - clos... RUPI KAUR What am I responsible for? Who am I responsible to? Everybody? How come when Archie Bunker nailed ev... SAM KINISON When you look at the inner workings of electrical things, you see wires. Until the current passes th... MOTHER TERESA What is worse, I leave it. What can't be understand, I leave it. What is bad, I leave it. What I say... DEYTH BANGER Time present and time past are both perhaps present in time future and time future contained in time... , ALWAYS NOW, 1997 I tried being a mechanic and I tried catering, but I realized I had even less aptitude for semi-skil... TOBY YOUNG I think it was the right thing to do, obviously. It was something nobody wanted to happen but everyb... CHAN GAILEY Radford hosted the Region III meet three years ago and I actually swam there back in the day and it ... JASON TANNER It's the other Cup -- Lamar Hunt -- so it's not a big deal, ... My hamstring, it's killing me. I tri... CARLOS RUIZ Ten years ago, it was really difficult for a young actress to walk onto a set and disagree with the ... MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL I know that it's probably not a good idea for a comedian, especially a satirist, to support a pu... AL FRANKEN We tried to make this fight many years ago but the stumbling block was always what Roy wanted to be ... FRANK WARREN It took me a good eight to ten years to really formulate what I was doing onstage and start to get r... SEBASTIAN MANISCALCO The minute your parents die, you stop fighting them. I realized the more I changed my face for films... VINCENT CASSEL That's why I became a lawyer; I always wanted to be a judge. When I was 11 years old, I realized I w... KATHLEEN ROBERTS He tried to put it out, but when he realized it was bigger than he was he called the fire department... ANTHONY MONK It was a confidential conversation, and I don't really want to comment on it. ROD THORN Five years ago, when I was elected, I had the feeling that the president doesn't have much to do... PRATIBHA PATIL I re-mastered 'The Conversation' a few years ago for DVD. 'The Conversation' was the... WALTER MURCH I was a topper till class tenth and wanted to initially be a scientist. SONU NIGAM I tried hitting some slices too, but I found out that she really likes it when you do that. CATE STEWART I tried crack two months ago. I asked a friend what it was like and I couldn't stop. AMY JIMENEZ I always enjoy conversation more if there is some substance to it - which is a just incredibly hilar... JOSS WHEDON I had no plan to write a western novel, and when I realized it was happening, I was pretty surprised... PATRICK DEWITT Hannibal at eighteen was rooting for Mephistopheles and contemptuous of Faust, but he only half-list... THOMAS HARRIS I'd always heard stories about how Harpo Marx was the most talkative of the Marx brothers. I fou... HARMONY KORINE A couple of years ago, right before I made 'Down to You,' there was a moment when I question... FREDDIE PRINZE, JR. I was at art school that had quite a celebrated film course as well. I tried for that film course wh... EDGAR WRIGHT Five years ago I figured we were at the top of our game and that was the best it was going to get, b... TIM MCGRAW
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ... GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying. GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women. GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does. GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early. GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som... GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day... GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go... GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and... GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes... GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle. GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How... GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy. GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life! GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p... GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money! GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures. GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge? GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell... GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light. GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty. GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ... GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked. GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man. GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d... GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast. GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one. GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy. GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early. GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ... GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w... GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery. GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea... GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words.... GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age. GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I... GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early. GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad. GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it. GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that. GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes... GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app... GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks. GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young. GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he... GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every... GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta... GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ... GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man. GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party. GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse. GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ... GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I... GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook. GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han... GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA... GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ... GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ... GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e... GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t... GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.” GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ... GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te... GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo. GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ... GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t... GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ... GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju... GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book. GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels. GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet! GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have... GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere. GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it... GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal. GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong. GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know. GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others. GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I... GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ... GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live. GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it. GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done! GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid. GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution? GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels. GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair. GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? A: Someone who stay... GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I... GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did. GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ... GROUCHO MARX