You wish you could’ve learned to play piano. You wish you could’ve started drawing when you were young. You wish you could’ve figured out who you wanted to be before you graduated college. You wish you could’ve learned to love yourself sooner. Well you know what? You didn’t. And that’s just something you’re going to have to learn to deal with. But just because you didn’t do it sooner, doesn’t mean you can’t start now.


Daren Colbert

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[And not a moment too soon, figures Colbert (the gifted humorist-performer, that is not the make-bel...
STEPHEN COLBERT
In success, you wouldn't be able to say I'm conservative or liberal. I'm part of the blame-America-l...
STEPHEN COLBERT
Don't be afraid to make things up. Never fear being exposed as a fraud. Experts make things up a...
STEPHEN COLBERT
Thankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overru...
STEPHEN COLBERT
I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.
STEPHEN COLBERT
The first time I met Jon Stewart was at the press conference that Comedy Central held to announce Jo...
STEPHEN COLBERT
Reality has a well-known liberal bias.
STEPHEN COLBERT
It took me years to figure out that you don't fall into a tub of butter, you jump for it.
CLAUDETTE COLBERT
They've been here practicing all week, and they have all their paperwork in.
DEAN COLBERT
We welcome them. I think it's a great situation, the fact that we can at least help these families h...
DEAN COLBERT
I would just like for our seniors to have some semblance of a season. It doesn't really matter who w...
DEAN COLBERT
‎You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it...
STEPHEN COLBERT
When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around in a quitter.
STEPHEN COLBERT
I believe gender is a spectrum, and I fall somewhere between Channing Tatum and Winnie the Pooh.
STEPHEN COLBERT
NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life,
unfortunately, it won't date them either.
STEPHEN COLBERT
We want to try listing the second and third floors on the Internet, to buy or lease those floors.
DAVE COLBERT
The key will be to get something on those other two floors.
DAVE COLBERT
It was all generated from the idea that we wanted to save the building.
DAVE COLBERT
Senator John Kyle claiming that over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion.
STEPHEN COLBERT
Ever since my house burned down, I see the moon more clearly.
GREGORY COLBERT
This building has legs and it wants to have conversations in different cultural contexts and cities....
GREGORY COLBERT
Anteater -- who could have ever thought that such an animal could be so expressive? It's all in thei...
GREGORY COLBERT
The works themselves can't be separate from the architecture or the music or the films. When you wal...
GREGORY COLBERT
My favorite off-camera memory of Jon Stewart is watching him jump from the second level of a tuna to...
STEPHEN COLBERT
I liked comedy as a kid. When I was a kid, I'd go to sleep to, like, Bill Cosby albums every nig...
STEPHEN COLBERT
It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean ...
STEPHEN COLBERT
NC passed law against global warming science, therefore it's not happening. So I'm ignoring Twitter'...
STEPHEN COLBERT
Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.
STEPHEN COLBERT
Tracy had been a great support player in the midfield. Many of our goals are made from her contribut...
MALCOLM COLBERT
We are trying to get accustomed to the rapid arrival of the heat. Playoff preparation is continuing.
MALCOLM COLBERT
It feels good to get this title. The girls have worked hard. We still have more work to do in order ...
MALCOLM COLBERT
Smith Station defended our key players, but the girls adjusted well to counter the Smith Station gam...
MALCOLM COLBERT
We tried to neutralize their key players and exploit the wings. I was happy to see team's communicat...
MALCOLM COLBERT
This was a huge win for us. We played together as team and that is what it is going to take for use ...
MALCOLM COLBERT
I was proud of they way we played defense. The girls really played hard and did the things they need...
MALCOLM COLBERT
You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take ourse...
STEPHEN COLBERT
If you look at him, you would think he's 20-something. He takes care of his body ... look in his loc...
KEARY COLBERT
I know he knows he can play and still might want to play. But I always joke that his wife has made u...
KEARY COLBERT
He made a play on the ball; he was in the right position to make a play, plain and simple. I saw him...
KEARY COLBERT
Everybody wants to get on the field and stay on the field, ... So I think you have to push yourself ...
KEARY COLBERT
If you know what to do and get to your spot, that's what it's all about,
KEARY COLBERT