More Josh Billings

Occasions are rare; and those who know how to seize upon them are rarer.
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Better make a weak man your enemy than your friend.
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If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We couldn't even eat hash with safety...
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If it wasn't for faith, there would be no living in this world; we couldn't even eat hash with any s...
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Woman's influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.
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Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.
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As a general thing, when the woman wears the pants in the family, she has a good right to them.
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Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.
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I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's...
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Advice is like castor oil, easy to give, but dreadful to take.
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Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corr...
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A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.
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If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it as the old woman did her lost spectac...
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Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can't suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he m...
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Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.
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Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
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A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.
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Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethe...
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Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist -- it reduces him to...
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The trouble with people is not that they dont know but that they know so much that aint so.
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Incredulity is the wisdom of the fool.
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The happiest time in a man's life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable...
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To enjoy a good reputation give publicly, and steal privately.
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I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.
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In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us.
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As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.
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If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any sa...
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There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
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It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those that we intend to...
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Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.
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I honestly believe it is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.
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Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves.
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The trouble with most folks ain't so much their ignorance as knowing so many things that ain't so.
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Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.
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There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.
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I don't care how much a person talks, if they only say it in a few words.
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Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.
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Don't ever prophesy; for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it; and if you prophesy right, no...
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Don't put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.
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One of the best temporary cures for pride and affection is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit nev...
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Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.
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Poverty is the step-mother of genius.
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Remember the poor, it costs nothing.
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I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.
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Don't mistake pleasure for happiness. They are a different breed of dogs.
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A good place to visit, but a poor place to stay.
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Pity cost nothing and ain't worth nothing.
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About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgme...
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Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing til...
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If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy ...
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To bring up a child in the way he should go -- travel that way yourself.
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When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man aro...
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The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear.
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The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it ain't the gout.
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There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.
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It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter he...
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It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.
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The more humble a man is before God the more he will be exalted; the more humble he is before man, t...
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Every man has his follies -- and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
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The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his ...
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Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so.
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Never run into debt, not if you can find anything else to run into.
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There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won t.
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Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.
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The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his way.
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Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
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Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful t...
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There's lots of people who spend so much time watching their health, they haven't got time to enjoy ...
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Experience is a school where a man learns what a big fool he has been.
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Experience increases our wisdom but doesn't reduce our follies.
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There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.
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One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.
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I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am ...
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There is a significant Latin proverb; to wit: Who will guard the guards?
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There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
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It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.
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Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
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A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
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When a man gets talking about himself, he seldom fails to be eloquent and often reaches the sublime.
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The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
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Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.
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Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.
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Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.
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Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
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There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
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There is [sic] two things in life for which we are never fully prepared, and that is--twins.
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A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable.
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It is the little bits of things that fret and worry us; we can dodge an elephant, but we can't dodge...
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Live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so.
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Incredulity is the wisdom of the fool
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Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed
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There is a sort of charm in ugliness, if the person has some redeeming qualities and is only ugly en...
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Keep a cow, and the milk won't have to be watered but once.
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Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed.
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A slander is like a hornet; if you can't kill it dead the first time, better not strike at it.
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I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I ...
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The less we know the more we suspect.
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My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnet, the journey of life, is to take their heart in...
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The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.
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Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed ...
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The man who ain't got an enemy is really poor.
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If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy...
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Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing until it ge...
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Our necessities are few but our wants are endless.
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As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
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Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.
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The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.
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One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit n...
JOSH BILLINGS

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.
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Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
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Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.
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There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.
JOSH BILLINGS

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
JOSH BILLINGS

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
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Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.
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Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to h...
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Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
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If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost specta...
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Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.
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One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.
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Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
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The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.
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There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they hav...
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There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.
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If a man is right, he can't be too radical; if he is wrong, he can't be too conservative.
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One-half the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon...
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The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores hi...
JOSH BILLINGS

There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorr...
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Those who enter heaven may find the outer walls plastered with creeds, but they won't find any on th...
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If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We couldn't even eat hash with safety.
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My son, observe the postage stamp! Its usefulness depends upon its ability to stick to one thing unt...
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No one can disgrace us but ourselves.
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It may be risky to marry for love, but it's so honest that the Lord just has to smile on it.
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One of rarest things that a man ever does is to do the best he can.
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Every man has his follies -- and often they are the most interesting thing he had got.
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Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.
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There is gravity in wisdom, but no particular wisdom in gravity.
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Pity costs nothing, and it ain't worth nothing.
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Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot.
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Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over, and showing it principally in one place.
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Ive never known a person to live to one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.
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It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those we intend to comm...
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I dont care how much a man talks, if he only says it in a few words.
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Some folks are wise and some otherwise.
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It ain't so much trouble to get rich as it is to tell when we have got rich.
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Never work before breakfast. If you have to work before breakfast, get your breakfast first.
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There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: Twins.
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A sekret ceases to be a sekret if it iz once confided - it iz like a dollar bill, once broken, it iz...
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The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.
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Credit is like chastity, they can both stand temptation better than suspicion
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Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words.
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If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
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I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, an...
JOSH BILLINGS

Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawf...
JOSH BILLINGS

It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.
JOSH BILLINGS

It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours to...
JOSH BILLINGS

A slander is like a hornet; if you cannot kill it dead the first blow, better not strike at it
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Keep a cow, and the milk won't have to be watered but once
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The truly innocent are those who not only are guiltless themselves, but who think others are
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In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worshi...
JOSH BILLINGS

Confess your sins to the Lord, and you will be forgiven; confess them to men, and you will be laughe...
JOSH BILLINGS

The best time to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust. -Josh Billin...
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There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness. -Josh Billings.
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Most men had rather say a smart thing than do a good one. John P. Kotter, Leading Change -Josh Bill...
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Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it get...
JOSH BILLINGS

In youth we run into difficulties; in old age difficulties run into us. -Josh Billings.
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I've never known a person who lives to 110 who is remarkable for anything else.
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Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal
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The less we know the more we suspect
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Thrice is he armed that hath his quarrel just, and four times he who gets his fist in fust
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Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.
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There are two things in this life for which we are never fully prepared and that is twins
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To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.
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Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
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Love iz like the meazles; we kant have it bad but onst, and the later in life we have it the tuffer ...
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Confess your sins to the Lord, and you will be forgiven; confess them to men, and you will be laughe...
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Laffing iz the sensation ov pheeling good all over, and showing it principally in one spot
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The trouble with people is not that they don't know but that they know so much that ain't so.
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A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates
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Contentment is a kind of moral laziness; if thare want ennything but contentment in his world, man w...
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As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for
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It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up...
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Reason often makes mistakes but conscience never does.
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The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust
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I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.
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Life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing those you hold well
JOSH BILLINGS

Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined
JOSH BILLINGS

Knowledge is like money: the more one gets, the more one craves.
JOSH BILLINGS

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take.
JOSH BILLINGS

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy a...
JOSH BILLINGS

Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to
JOSH BILLINGS

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his way
JOSH BILLINGS

Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds a man down or polishes him up depends on the stuff he's ...
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As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.
JOSH BILLINGS

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well
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Success does not consist in never making blunders, but in never making the same one a second time.
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The trouble with most folks isn't their ignorance. It's knowin' so many things that ain't so.
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Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.
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the squeeky wheel gets the grease.
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Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
JOSH BILLINGS

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

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Josh Billings

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

Josh Billings

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