A hat should be taken off when greeting a lady, and left off the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

I was raised right — I talk about people behind their backs. It's called manners.

PJ's suggested chant, for pointless protest marches:

"Five, four, three, two.
We don't have a doggone clue!

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.

We had a choice between Democrats who couldn't learn from the past and Republicans who couldn't stop living in it...

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.