FastSaying

A minibar is a machine that makes everything expensive. When I take something out of the minibar, I always fathom that I'll go and replace it before they check it off, but they make that stuff impossible to replace. I go to the store and ask, 'Do you have coke in a glass harmonica? ...Do you have individually wrapped cashews?'

Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg

ExpensiveFathomMachineMinibarWhen

Related Quotes

I mumble a lot when im off stage, so a lot of times when im with a friend i'll say something and he'll be like what?!, and i'll say it again and he'll be like what?!, and i'll say it again and he'll still be like what?!, so now he's got me yellin. Man that tree is far away!!!!
— Mitch Hedberg
FriendMumbleStage
I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.
— Mitch Hedberg
BarsCandyFront
My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever... Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I don't want 'em to. I'm like, 'Hey, hold on fellas - Let me hold one of you.'
— Mitch Hedberg
ApartmentBearsCockroaches
If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.
— Mitch Hedberg
AnyFingersHad
A severed foot is the perfect stocking stuffer.
— Mitch Hedberg
ChristmasFootPerfect