ANOINT, v.t. To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.As sovereigns are anointed by the priesthood, So pigs to lead the populace are greased good. --Judibras
Ambrose Bierce
Related Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. AMBROSE BIERCE There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.” ~ Ambrose ... J.J. MCAVOY No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ... H. P. LOVECRAFT Take me to the height where success would seek my help to succeed! I ARE If we all look at life we think how nice, then we look at death and everybody goes oh you can say th... GARY F EVANS... Face your fears by remembering the power of God's cleaning truth. To change the way you are, change ... CRAIG GROESCHEL Laws are the sovereigns of sovereigns. LOUIS XIV A Ritual to Read to Each Other If you don’t know the kind of person I am and... WILLIAM STAFFORD Friendship is a double-edged sword one side it can be great and true but the other side it spells be... GARY F EVANS... Lead by example so fiercely that your conviction is impossible to question. JOEY COLEMAN A bookstore is one of the many pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. JERRY SEINFELD Beauty is the light within. Only when you see the light within yourself will others see it in you. F. JOHNSON What will make you a star is in you SOTONYE ANGA 2. Overcommitment and time pressure are the greatest destroyers of marriages. It takes time to devel... JAMES C. DOBSON Rulers are not anointed. They are created by the void of self-mastery. T.F. HODGE Some people never take a chance and never know what it's like to live life to the full. CHLOE THURLOW Are we defined by the good that history has told us or are we lead astray by lies and deceit, so as ... GARY F EVANS... A couple of customers interrupted [...] who wanted to know if we had some YA book about ants and ali... SHAUN DAVID HUTCHINSON He's superb. Spectacular. Somebody said he runs with greased ease and I thought, 'What a perfect des... DARRELL ROYAL I used to play quite a good lead guitar, R&B style. Clapton and BB King are heroes. PHILIP KERR Ordinary men are given the authority of the priesthood. Worthiness and willingness - not experience,... DAVID A. BEDNAR It's a lie to think that you are not good enough. It's a lie to think that you are not beautiful. It... DISON ARNIBAL Be not be discourage by the rejections. Do not stop because of anxiety; stop because you are done wi... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Do not be discourage by people who reject your true purpose. Do not stop because of anxiety; stop be... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Congratulations, to the people which made gotham series, still need some more and extra work! DEYTH BANGER To have the cognitive abilities to do research and development is vital to a forever expanding world... GARY F EVANS... The first and foremost human right or fundamental right is the right to exist. APURVA GAGLANI If we ever put research into what the subconscious is we could probably come to the conclusion that ... GARY F EVANS... i know im not the girl you wanted. not the one you want to hear from. but what you see is what you g... SIMI GREWAL Other nations of different habits are not enemies: they are godsends. Men require of their neighbour... ALFRED NORTH WHITEHEAD Do not try to prove that you are the most important person or that you are the lord’s anointed SUNDAY ADELAJA When we think of coconuts or pigs, there are no coconuts or pigs in the brain. GREGORY BATESON When you reach illumination, you lose paradise. Illumination is the place where you gain knowledge t... BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA Why bother with a cunning plan when a simple one will do? TERRY PRATCHETT The Prussian Sovereigns are in possession of a crown not be the
grace of the people, but by God's g... KARL OTTO VON SCHONHAUSEN BISMARCK Our lives are shaped by the questions we ask. Good questions lead to good outcomes. Bad questions le... MICHAEL HYATT To be, or not to be, that is the question. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE The scientific method gives us
information by testing and repeating observable things so that we
can... LEWIS N. ROE It's not who you are, but what you're made of. It's not where you come from, but where you're going ... CAREW PAPRITZ Don't you ever get the feeling that all your life is going by and you're not taking advantage of it?... ERNEST HEMINGWAY We may not get to choose how we die, but we can chose how we live. The universe may for... SHAUN DAVID HUTCHINSON Dreams are hopeful because they exist as pure possibility. Unlike memories, which are fossils, long ... SHAUN DAVID HUTCHINSON In life the only things that you see are things that you are projecting, and life presents you with ... OSHO I'm about to do something very clever and a tiny bit against the rules of the universe. It's importa... TOMMY DONBAVAND And as you come to know Him, you're becoming like Him. The more you are like Him, the more different... CRAIG GROESCHEL if it doesn't come bursting out of you in spite of everything, don't do it. unless it... CHARLES BUKOWSKI Food Allergies Are Not Due to Food, Rather Are Due to the Constant Contamination of That Food That Y... THEHEALTHFOODGURU Don't waste your tremendous voice writing messages in the sand. LORIN MORGAN-RICHARDS The saying sell all your belongings & give to the poor simply means "Redirect your mind to the verit... DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) Life can only be understood looking backward. It must be lived forward. ERIC ROTH You're afraid of getting hurt like I'm afraid to die. It doesn't mean I'm not going to live every da... VI KEELAND Wesley Rush doesn't chase girls, but I'm chasing you. KODY KEPLINGER I turn and kick with the first one and feel myself being lifted and thrown towards the beach. It's l... MARK SMITH What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough ... DOUGLAS ADAMS One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit o... DOUGLAS ADAMS To be or not to be. That's not really a question. JEAN-LUC GODARD The Providence program is successful because of good coaches, a good administration, great parents a... DOUG TERNIK Religion united its influence with those of loyalty and love, and the order of knighthood, endowed w... THOMAS BULFINCH All movies are good if we are attentive to the social message that it conveys often in a subdued ton... ANUJ SOMANY Nothing about the priesthood is self-centered. The priesthood always is used to serve, to bless, and... DAVID A. BEDNAR The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make. �... VICE PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE We all have a duty to define who we are SOTONYE ANGA The first rule on breaking a rule is to know everything about the rule. NUNO ROQUE We are the books we read and the things we love. CATH CROWLEY You should give up sarcasm. People could get the wrong idea about you. MICHAEL PRYOR I know exactly who I am, what I'm about and who I will become. EMMA PAUL It is better to grope in the dark and wade through a million errors to reach the Truth than to entru... SUDHIR KAKAR If you argue with a fool, you become a fool. L.A. HILDEN Everyday is another chance to do something great. EMMA PAUL You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm! COLETTE there are moments when one has to choose between living one's own life, fully, entirely, completely ... OSCAR WILDE I think you can tell when you meet someone whether they read novels. There's some hollowness if they... PHILIP HENSHER Always be true to your friends, just as you are to yourself. MEG CABOT I have this feeling, like I'm waiting for something. But I have no idea what. JENNIFER NIVEN 2.5.03.02.005: Generally speaking, if you fiddle with something, it will break. Don't. JASPER FFORDE In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upward mobile. HUNTER S. THOMPSON Judge not lest ye be judged. THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MATTHEW We are far from perfect but willing to be different. CRAIG GROESCHEL Search and find out what you are meant to do in this life, when you find it, do it SOTONYE ANGA Because you can only die once but you can suffer forever. SHAUN DAVID HUTCHINSON When you think of all that goes into what you write you realize that only you see all that is needed... BRENT M. JONES So far, so good. My boys are playing great and, fortunately, the other teams are co-operating agains... GLENN HOWARD Shaq pe hai yaqeen unko, Yaqeen pe hai shaq Mujhy..... .....Kis ka jhoot jhoot hai, K... VISHAL BHARADWAJ - HAIDER FILM I live my life progressing for nothing else but the best. JONATHAN ANTHONY BURKETT I don't spend a lot of time asking "WHY?" Instead I focus on what I should do now or how I should re... JEFF DIXON-THE KEY TO THE KINGDOM A tiny little baby!' says Tam. 'People look at me like I'm an animal. People who don't know me judge... JON RONSON Anyways, that very same night there was a fight in the casino on B Deck. Some of the passengers got ... CHRISTINA ENGELA Food establishments are often believed by the public to be the source of most fat and grease dischar... DANA COLEMAN [beware that] “many of what are called social problems are differences between the theories of int... THOMAS SOWELL Not all the water in the rough rude sea Can wash the balm off from an anointed king. -King Richard ... WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE Never get to the point where you cannot see anything good about yourself SOTONYE ANGA Orion is above the horizon now, and near it Jupiter, brighter than it will ever be ... But i expect ... THOMAS HARRIS How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful. EVANS G. VALENS It is always the adventurers who do great things, not the sovereigns of great empires. CHARLES MONTESQUIEU It is always the adventurers who do great things, not the sovereigns of great empires. CHARLES DE MONTESQUIEU Languages are jealous sovereigns, and passports are rarely allowed for travelers to cross their stri... RABINDRANATH TAGORE The quest of the Inner Ring will break your hearts unless you break it. But if you break it, a surpr... C.S. LEWIS Do I have the courage of being a ruthless man to myself with the complete knowledge on my manner or ... FEREIDOON YAZDI Not all the water in the rough rude sea Can wash the balm from an anointed King; WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE They are so good to each other, so supportive. I don't know if they've already had sex but they've b... MAUREEN GRAHAM
More Ambrose Bierce
Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure. AMBROSE BIERCE Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the e... AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries. AMBROSE BIERCE Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate. AMBROSE BIERCE Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for,... AMBROSE BIERCE Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. AMBROSE BIERCE Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to ... AMBROSE BIERCE Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree. AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. AMBROSE BIERCE Doubt is the father of invention. AMBROSE BIERCE Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. AMBROSE BIERCE Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ... AMBROSE BIERCE Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. AMBROSE BIERCE Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. AMBROSE BIERCE Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. AMBROSE BIERCE Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to ... AMBROSE BIERCE Liberty:one of imaginations most precious possessions. AMBROSE BIERCE Quoting: the act of repeating erroneously the words of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows. AMBROSE BIERCE Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white. AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone. AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. AMBROSE BIERCE OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b... AMBROSE BIERCE For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His e... AMBROSE BIERCE Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understand... AMBROSE BIERCE Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage. AMBROSE BIERCE Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. AMBROSE BIERCE You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps. AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean , n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no g... AMBROSE BIERCE Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. AMBROSE BIERCE Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. AMBROSE BIERCE The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. AMBROSE BIERCE Marriage. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, m... AMBROSE BIERCE Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. AMBROSE BIERCE What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republi... AMBROSE BIERCE Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th... AMBROSE BIERCE Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious. AMBROSE BIERCE Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on. AMBROSE BIERCE Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others. AMBROSE BIERCE Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ... AMBROSE BIERCE An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. AMBROSE BIERCE A temporary insanity curable by marriage. AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. AMBROSE BIERCE Let me tell you what a writer is. A writer takes comprehensive views, holds large convictions, makes... AMBROSE BIERCE Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. AMBROSE BIERCE Don't steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat. AMBROSE BIERCE Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his co... AMBROSE BIERCE Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no... AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows. AMBROSE BIERCE Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understan... AMBROSE BIERCE Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure. AMBROSE BIERCE Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi... AMBROSE BIERCE Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify. AMBROSE BIERCE Erudition. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull. AMBROSE BIERCE Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited. AMBROSE BIERCE Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad gover... AMBROSE BIERCE Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment. AMBROSE BIERCE Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity. AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. AMBROSE BIERCE Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect. AMBROSE BIERCE A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support. AMBROSE BIERCE Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain. AMBROSE BIERCE Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un... AMBROSE BIERCE Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration t... AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. AMBROSE BIERCE To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result. AMBROSE BIERCE A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing. AMBROSE BIERCE All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. AMBROSE BIERCE A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success. AMBROSE BIERCE Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. AMBROSE BIERCE Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue. AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. AMBROSE BIERCE An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white. AMBROSE BIERCE They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward. AMBROSE BIERCE As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolen... AMBROSE BIERCE Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live. AMBROSE BIERCE Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy. AMBROSE BIERCE A man is known by the company he organizes. AMBROSE BIERCE Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapaciti... AMBROSE BIERCE Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward ap... AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me. AMBROSE BIERCE An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me! AMBROSE BIERCE Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire. AMBROSE BIERCE Opiate. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard. AMBROSE BIERCE Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comforta... AMBROSE BIERCE Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you. AMBROSE BIERCE Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state. AMBROSE BIERCE Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis... AMBROSE BIERCE Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is please... AMBROSE BIERCE Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. AMBROSE BIERCE A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a cont... AMBROSE BIERCE Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the worl... AMBROSE BIERCE Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well. AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries. AMBROSE BIERCE Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give... AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien... AMBROSE BIERCE A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be. AMBROSE BIERCE Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C. AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. AMBROSE BIERCE Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is ... AMBROSE BIERCE A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker. AMBROSE BIERCE An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws. AMBROSE BIERCE To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense. AMBROSE BIERCE An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k... AMBROSE BIERCE Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip. AMBROSE BIERCE Habit is a shackle for the free. AMBROSE BIERCE Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti... AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones. AMBROSE BIERCE Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw. AMBROSE BIERCE Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, ad... AMBROSE BIERCE Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age. AMBROSE BIERCE Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly tha... AMBROSE BIERCE The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. AMBROSE BIERCE PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery. AMBROSE BIERCE When in Rome, do as Rome does. AMBROSE BIERCE To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom... AMBROSE BIERCE Bore -- a person who talks when you wish him to listen. AMBROSE BIERCE Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by frie... AMBROSE BIERCE Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world. AMBROSE BIERCE Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things withou... AMBROSE BIERCE Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. AMBROSE BIERCE Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o... AMBROSE BIERCE Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. AMBROSE BIERCE Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. AMBROSE BIERCE Woman absent is woman dead. AMBROSE BIERCE The covers of this book are too far apart. AMBROSE BIERCE Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso... AMBROSE BIERCE A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wi... AMBROSE BIERCE The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors. AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of ... AMBROSE BIERCE Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte... AMBROSE BIERCE ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in... AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance is a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor and obscure, and intima... AMBROSE BIERCE ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn."Eat ... AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o... AMBROSE BIERCE Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness. AMBROSE BIERCE Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. AMBROSE BIERCE International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoulde... AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. AMBROSE BIERCE Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. AMBROSE BIERCE There are 4 kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy. AMBROSE BIERCE FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. AMBROSE BIERCE ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Mus... AMBROSE BIERCE HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was a com... AMBROSE BIERCE ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m... AMBROSE BIERCE YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So... AMBROSE BIERCE Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie... AMBROSE BIERCE One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was onc... AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. AMBROSE BIERCE Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact. AMBROSE BIERCE Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited. AMBROSE BIERCE QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled wh... AMBROSE BIERCE When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover. AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of... AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. AMBROSE BIERCE ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapaci... AMBROSE BIERCE LAND, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property s... AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. AMBROSE BIERCE Birth: The first and direst of all disasters. AMBROSE BIERCE Dawn: When men of reason go to bed. AMBROSE BIERCE Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affai... AMBROSE BIERCE Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish. AMBROSE BIERCE Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. AMBROSE BIERCE Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking. AMBROSE BIERCE Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. AMBROSE BIERCE Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake ... AMBROSE BIERCE Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth ke... AMBROSE BIERCE Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the wor... AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. AMBROSE BIERCE Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success. AMBROSE BIERCE Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities ... AMBROSE BIERCE Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the... AMBROSE BIERCE Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction ... AMBROSE BIERCE The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up. AMBROSE BIERCE TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab... AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist , n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. AMBROSE BIERCE Positive , adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater , n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. AMBROSE BIERCE Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and wa... AMBROSE BIERCE