Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?

Life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES.

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.