All publicity is good, except an obituary notice.

There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.

It is a good deed to forget a poor joke.

I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

To get enough to eat was regarded as an achievement. To get drunk was a victory.