Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.

Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler

Related Quotes

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.

— Chelsea Handler

alcoholdrinkingdrinks

I don't like to overdose. Call me old-fashioned.

— Chelsea Handler

alcoholdrinkingdrug-use

I went out with a guy who once told me I didnâ€™t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, Iâ€™m drinking so that youâ€™re more fun to be around.

— Chelsea Handler

Men donâ€™t realize that if weâ€™re sleeping with them on the first date, weâ€™re probably not interested in seeing them again either.

— Chelsea Handler

We went to a Barnes and Noble, where I picked up an unauthorized
biography of M.C. Hammer, and not wanting to overload her on her first
book, I steered Dumb Dumb toward a Choose Your Own Adventure.

— Chelsea Handler