Chelsea Handler
Related MELINA MARCHETTA LISA KLEYPAS RENEE AHDIEH W.B. YEATS It got to the point where her husband asked if I could do something to help her, so I steered her to... BILL ROBERTS APRILYNNE PIKE EMILY DICKINSON Packing some heat there, aren’t you Officer?”KRISTEN CASEY WILLIAM BUTLER YEATS I mean, I love Barnes and Noble, I spend a lot of time at Barnes and Noble, but they do not have boo... K.A. APPLEGATE You know, you can always do a three some.”KIRA4INU WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE Can't abide adventure. 'Adventure' is a word people use to put a shine on lack of preparation and su... JEFFERY RUSSELL JIM BUTCHER SARAH BLAKLEY-CARTWRIGHT Dove held out a hand to Johnson, and he took it—not because they were fleeing a fire and not becau... DEBRA ANASTASIA WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE JOHN GREEN COLLEEN HOOVER JANDY NELSON I want the 'Book of Basketball' to do well if only so I can shop an absolutely ridiculous to... BILL SIMMONS MAGGIE STIEFVATER ORSON SCOTT CARD MY MOTHER GETS DRESSED DAPHNE GOTTLIEB Did she say anything before she died?" he asked.SHERMAN ALEXIE Keep an eye out for her,AKASH MANDAL SARAH DESSEN Cal's attraction to her was unstoppable - undeniable. Like a thunderbolt piercing his heart, it beat... NINI CHURCH Until they come up with an independent woman who's on an adventure of her own, I don't think I'm int... MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ SARAH MACLEAN DAVE MATTHES JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER THOMAS HARDY SYLVIA PLATH From CATS ARE KIND HENRY N. BEARD KRISTA RITCHIE We went to the library a lot, and I let them just read whatever they liked. On Sundays they went to ... QIN MA Dumb, dumb, ... It was a dumb interception and then B.J. and I had a little miscommunication. JEFF ROWE CASSANDRA CLARE LEONARD COHEN on ... RICHELLE MEAD TAHEREH MAFI KURT COBAIN KURT COBAIN LISA KLEYPAS JANDY NELSON I went to an all-girls pre school where everyone went off to Harvard or Yale, and I had zero interes... KATHERINE MOENNIG To love is to think.ALBERTO CAEIRO The collar had restrained his winds but not killed them. They uncoiled from behind the shadows, read... LISA MANTCHEV EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY She moaned, long and low, wanting to arch, to thrash, to scream. Instead she opened her mouth and bi... ELIZABETH HOYT Halfway to the house Stan stopped and turned to Jane. BEVERLY CLEARY KIMBERLY DERTING J.R. WARD WARSAN SHIRE KAHLIL GIBRAN PABLO NERUDA PATTI SMITH Closing my eyes, I breathe in the air around me.KRISTINA STEINER add oneJANET HUTCH JAMES JOYCE KIMBERLY DERTING [T.J.] Without thinking, I held them out to her. She stopped laughing, and looked at me like she was... TRACEY GARVIS-GRAVES Carmen sat up when she heard a familiar trill from her computer. It was an instant message from Bee.... ANN BRASHARES She grew tired of shielding her body,JACQUELINE SIMON GUNN The first time I saw her,NEIL HILBORN Do you love her?” I ask hoarsely.ERIN WATT CORA CARMACK RICHELLE E. GOODRICH Ready or not, here I comeSONYA SONES I have already joined myself in marriage to a husband, namely the kingdom of England. ELIZABETH I (SPOKEN TO HER PARLAMENT) ROMAN PAYNE Stay."LORRAINE HEATH ERIN HUNTER MATTHEW ARNOLD STAINSBRENDA SUTTON ROSE I love a sunburnt country,DOROTHEA MACKELLAR Can you tell me what happened?"JENNY B. JONES She tossed her towel on her dresser and turned to the bed where shed left her PJs. Only it wasn't ju... C.C. HUNTER Until they come up with an independent woman who's on an adventure of her own, I don't think... MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Ye be a sight for sore eyes, lass,” he told her. “But we�... SUZAN TISDALE I’m really not hungry,” she repeated, lifting the coffee cup and inhaling the fragrant steam bef... LINDA HOWARD Tonight I Can Write PABLO NERUDA A.A. MILNE DEBASISH MRIDHA KAMAND KOJOURI ERIN MORGENSTERN MELINA MARCHETTA JESSICA SIMPSON PABLO NERUDA He sighed, then said, "So basically, you're stalking her."JENNIFER ECHOLS JACK GILBERT RAINBOW ROWELL LAWRENCE FERLINGHETTI Soeur Marie Emelie"CARYLL HOUSELANDER NEIL GAIMAN For the love of God, Hanna, where are you?" he yelled.CHRISTINA LAUREN Josephine placed the cloth back in the basin then filled a cup with cold water. Helping Laurin sit u... SUZAN TISDALE Chelsea Wilson, my freshman middle, really picked up her game. She did a great job. She is finally s... THERESA ANDERSON RICK RIORDAN
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CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER CHELSEA HANDLER I didn't like books where people played on a sports team and won a bunch of games, or went to su... DANIEL HANDLER I like to give people novels I think they would like, on no particular occasion - just when we'r... DANIEL HANDLER Blank paper has always inspired me. DANIEL HANDLER I'm dumping the whole box back into your life Ed, every item of you and me. I'm dumping this box on ... DANIEL HANDLER I thought the Barbie doll would always be successful. RUTH HANDLER Through their play Barbara imagined their lives as adults. They used the dolls to reflect the adult ... RUTH HANDLER They were using the dolls to project their dreams of their own futures as adult women. RUTH HANDLER When you start writing a picture book, you have to write a manuscript that has enough language to pr... DANIEL HANDLER It's full of depressing details about the children's lives, ... and, I'm sorry to say, it's the long... DANIEL HANDLER My first novel took almost six years to sell and was rejected 37 times in the interim, and then fina... DANIEL HANDLER Either you have the feeling or you don't. Hawk Davies DANIEL HANDLER The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it tur... DANIEL HANDLER Everything else has vanished, so you take them now. Maybe if you're the one keeping them, I'll be th... DANIEL HANDLER For most people, the two primary relationships they have are with their families or romantic ones. A... DANIEL HANDLER I can't think of a story that doesn't have something terrible in it. Otherwise, it's dul... DANIEL HANDLER I don't know whether it's digital effects or if they trained a baby to bite through steel. I'm not s... DANIEL HANDLER There are so many movies like this, where you thought you were smarter than the screen but the direc... DANIEL HANDLER They really like going to buy fresh roast coffee at cheap prices. DAN HANDLER I'm not a believer in predetermined fates, being rewarded for one's efforts. I'm not a believer in k... DANIEL HANDLER Different beans have different characteristics. Each has their own character and you blend them to g... DAN HANDLER Book thirteen marks the return of a reptile previously gone missing. DANIEL HANDLER I was interested in finding ways to do dark comedy that were actually dark and comic. DANIEL HANDLER People can expect poisonous mushrooms, ... And then only if they open the book. DANIEL HANDLER The way Sunny speaks in the books seems a perfect fit for the cause in question. She often uses word... DANIEL HANDLER A nice thing about children's books, though I'm probably alone in this opinion among people who writ... DANIEL HANDLER And she has a fairly consistent political agenda. She's a baby, so individual liberty is a developin... DANIEL HANDLER Watch Your Mouth. DANIEL HANDLER A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is... DANIEL HANDLER For every girl I thought I was uncomplicated sex, it wasn't. Put it this way: if you can't see the c... DANIEL HANDLER Fred Weinberger lent Mark the money directly and not to his company. ROBERT HANDLER Love was in the air, so both of us walked through love on our way to the corner. DANIEL HANDLER They say love's like a bus, and if you wait long enough another one will come along, but not in this... DANIEL HANDLER I think books that are meant to be read in the nighttime ought to confront the very fears that we... DANIEL HANDLER This is like a cookie, it tastes like a cookie having sex with a doughnut. DANIEL HANDLER Kristen is looking at me like I'm a plume of smoke in the kitchen, right before you yell fire! DANIEL HANDLER The idea was women on boats. Lifeline Cruises pitched itself to women seeking adventure, whether a d... DANIEL HANDLER I was looking for something more personal and more stable and more fun. DAN HANDLER And then like a song we'd forgotten was even on the mix, you stepped into the house and my whole lif... DANIEL HANDLER And then the third night was after we broke up, which was worth a million matches but instead just t... DANIEL HANDLER ...there's not enough ink and paper to say all I wanted. DANIEL HANDLER who would dare think that, forever? Some idiot girl who wouldn’t know how things played out. DANIEL HANDLER Twenty-six,” you said. “One for each day we’ve been together, Min.”Somebody oohed. Somebody ... DANIEL HANDLER Undeveloped, the whole thing,tossed into a box before we really had a chance to know what we had, an... DANIEL HANDLER I hadn't even been looking, not for you, and now you were my heart's desire. DANIEL HANDLER They looked at each other like a pair of parentheses. DANIEL HANDLER Someone can break your heart, leave you dead on the lawn, and still you never learn what to say to s... DANIEL HANDLER The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it tur... DANIEL HANDLER You either have the feeling or you don’t. DANIEL HANDLER And this note was a jittery time bomb, ticking beneath my normal life, in my pocket all day firecely... DANIEL HANDLER How wrong to think I was anyone else, like thinking grass stains make you a beautiful view, like get... DANIEL HANDLER It was a secret time and place, you next to me, untraceable and out of this world. DANIEL HANDLER And the truth is that I'm not , Ed, is what I wanted to tell you. I'm not arty like everyone s... DANIEL HANDLER I’d ruin any day, all my days, for those long nights with you, and I did. DANIEL HANDLER I'm telling you why we broke up, Ed. I'm writing this letter, the whole truth of why it happened. An... DANIEL HANDLER I’m not a romantic, I’m a half-wit. Only stupid people would think I’m smart. I’m not someth... DANIEL HANDLER Ed, it was everything, those nights on the phone, everything we said until late became later and the... DANIEL HANDLER I started making plans, thinking we would get that far. DANIEL HANDLER I was stupid, the official descriptive phrase for happy. DANIEL HANDLER Stop saying no offense,” I said, “when you say offensive things. It’s not a free pass. DANIEL HANDLER Why not rise from the grave and terrorize a little instead of staying buried and dead in the cemeter... DANIEL HANDLER Shit, I guess I already loved you then. Doomed like a wineglass knowing it’ll get dropped someday,... DANIEL HANDLER I know you can't see it, not you, Ed, but maybe if I tell you the whole plot you'll understand it th... DANIEL HANDLER How many happy people do you think there are in the world? Twelve? DANIEL HANDLER I guess it's funny how life turns out?" she tried. "Not last I checked," Errol said with a snort. DANIEL HANDLER I write every day weekdays for about 5 hours, mostly longhand on legal pads. It has gotten neither h... DANIEL HANDLER Any playlist without Prince is no friend of mine. DANIEL HANDLER I can cook anything. DANIEL HANDLER I write longhand on legal pads, about half at home and half in cafes. I drink a lot of water and eat... DANIEL HANDLER I like writing for movies. It's nice to be alone working on fiction in your room, and then it... DANIEL HANDLER I kind of always think my work is unfilmable, and when I meet people who are interested in filming i... DANIEL HANDLER I was not a particularly brave child, I think, because I had a narrative mind, because my mind autom... DANIEL HANDLER I listen to Morricone, the famed Italian film composer, while I'm working. DANIEL HANDLER You see failed vocabulary in the adult world so often, and it's often because once you reach a c... DANIEL HANDLER I'm always interested to see what films are made of books. I kind of don't participate as a ... DANIEL HANDLER If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the ... DANIEL HANDLER 'The Long Goodbye' is one book I like to read over and over again, and it was an enormous in... DANIEL HANDLER The file clanked against me, my stupid idea nobody would have gotten had I ever done it. You even wo... DANIEL HANDLER So many people: Lucille Ball is the earliest incarnation of a woman I thought was funny, Joan Rivers... CHELSEA PERETTI CHELSEA CLINTON There's something about the Pacific Northwest, the scale of it, and the fact that not so long ag... CHELSEA CAIN CHELSEA SEDOTI CHELSEA MANNING CHELSEA MANNING CHELSEA LEYLAND CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA LEYLAND CHELSEA MANNING CHELSEA MANNING CHELSEA MANNING CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA CLINTON CHELSEA CLINTON
Ned?' he says, after a while. 'Oi, Ned?'
Pausing with the teacup near her lips, Helen said, "I would rather marry you. It will be an adventur... 
Where were you?" Shahrzad tried to control the tremor in her voice. 
A mermaid found a swimming lad, 
Is he really in love with you?" Chelsea asked after a long, silent moment. 
To see her is a picture-
A mermaid found a swimming lad,
I was too young that time to value her,
She's going to do nothing but try to trick information out of me that I shouldn't be giving her, Mac... 
Peter..."
When she fucked up, all those years ago, just a little girl terrified. into paralysis, she collapsed... 
Cycles exist because they are excruciating to break. It takes an astronomical amount of pain and cou... 
I'd been making desicions for days.
I missed the sound of her shuffling her homework while I listened to music on her bed. 
Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."
I knew Kristy was probably exacting
What does Éloa mean?”
She came towards me with a juicy gash between her legs that smelled like my best friend's sister" 
I went to my grandmother, your great-great-grandmother, and asked her to write a letter. She was my ... 
I. At Tea
I do not want a plain box, I want a sarcophagus 
She went a little fucking overboard on her anger." He looks at me. "Her daughters are all a bit nuts... 
She looked around. They had drifted far away from the bank of the canal. "Are we stealing this boat?... 
I heard of a man
You should dress her better, you know."
Because I want her.
I think I'm dumb 
I think I'm dumb
Everyone has always said I look like Bailey, but I don't.
Be to her, Persephone,
Ewww!" Clair shrieked, shoving Chelsea away. "Get away from me!"
What is your name?" she murmured.
Your daughter is ugly.
Seven times I have despised my soul:
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
Edie Sedgwick (1943-1971)
Buy a book in brown paper 
As soon as we arrived home, I told Bliss I was going to take a shower. Sundays were a two-show day, ... 
Ravelly pointed to the illustration as he told his friend that years ago he read this story nightly ... 
Ô, the wine of a woman
My head is so full of memories!" Cinderheart wailed. "I feel as though there are two lives inside me... 
Cruel, but composed and bland,
Tonight I Can Write
To her-
There is a girl.
You see her
I suggest you keep your distance from her and concentrate on your own work.” 
I think there's a difference between ditzy and dumb. Dumb is just not knowing. Ditzy is having the c... 
Duende
No, I know,” Levi said. “But it’s not you. You don’t push through every moment. You pay atte... 
Constantly risking absurdity
Here: an exercise in choice. Your choice. One of these tales is true.
Rachel: They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb.
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter. 
The challenge is to keep it fresh. If you're talking about Britney Spears over and over, it'... 
You can't fast-forward heartbreak, and you can't rewind love - and that's just one big b... 
When my father announced his campaign for president on Oct. 3, 1991, I had already cast my vote in f... 
While watching the revelry in the Barn, I'd had an epiphany. Parties weren't just about who was who ... 
Unfortunately, it seems to me that when it comes to issues affecting the trans community, most peopl... 
Suffrage is not a right afforded to everyone. Rather, voting is a privilege in the United States - a... 
Wear an unusual accessory to complete your outfit. 
I hope telling stories though 'Making a Difference' - as in my academic work and nonprofit w... 
The best thing about being a DJ is making people happy. There is nothing like seeing people get up f... 
Patriotism is often the cry extolled when morally questionable acts are advocated by those in power.... 
I believe that engaging in the political process is part of being a good person. 