Avoid fatty foods, Bensonhurst, and hair care products.

Anybody can reach anywhere from five to 15 million people weekly making a president look like an idiot, as I did back then, or Tina Fey did with Sarah Palin... You're always preaching to the choir one way or the other.

It was pretty clear that I was a funny guy, just as a guy.

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

What's funny is funny. The same thing that made you laugh a hundred years ago makes you laugh now.

Let's not call physical comedy falling down and pratfalls. All humor is physical, no matter how you dish it out. It's timing, like a dancer or an athlete would have.