Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know.


Groucho Marx

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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
As soon as I get into my house, I put on sweats and pyjamas.
SUKI WATERHOUSE
Always wear cute pyjamas to bed, you'll never know who u will meet in your dreams.
JOEL MADDEN
I like animation: you can go to work in your pyjamas.
KODI SMIT-MCPHEE
I know I've got a degree. Why does that mean I have to spend my life with intellectuals? I'v...
VICTORIA WOOD
Always wear cute pyjamas to bed, you'll never know who u will meet in your dreams.
JOEL MADDEN
Pyjamas are endless...
PHILIPPA GOODWIN
I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD
Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW
Do people normally wear boxers under their pyjamas?
PHIL LESTER
In wintertime I like to wear flannel button down pyjamas, and in summer I prefer to wear, well... no...
PHOEBE TONKIN
I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN
I don't wear a bikini on the beach. I walk around my house in pyjamas. I haven't seen myself...
CAREY MULLIGAN
I don't sound disloyal, but I've never had a pair of Marvel pyjamas or underwear. I do have ...
STAN LEE
How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an ant...
RONALD REAGAN
How do you tell a Communist? Well, it’s someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an a...
RONALD REAGAN
How did I become a star? I don't know how it happened. When I look at my old pictures, I can'...
FATTY ARBUCKLE
I'd always heard stories about how Harpo Marx was the most talkative of the Marx brothers. I fou...
HARMONY KORINE
He never said "Don't tell your mama." He never had to say it. I did not know how to tell anyone what...
DOROTHY ALLISON
How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an...
RONALD REAGAN
O love! Poor love! How did you pierce my heart?
How did touch my soul?
How did you win my...
DEBASISH MRIDHA
Nobody ever dared with Frank, because he had such mood swings, and you never knew how he was going t...
DON RICKLES
One of the very few things that I do every single day is put on fragrance. If I'm not wearing ma...
BLAKE LIVELY
I don't know in his office how can he judge my competence. He's got some divine ability?
ZACARIAS MOUSSAOUI
I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. S...
NEIL GAIMAN
Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER
I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and chan...
ELLIOTT GOULD
I don't know how many lions and leopards I've shot. I've shot two elephants, which was e...
WILBUR SMITH
You know I love you," I whispered in his ear.
"I know," he whispered back, turned, I pulled my ...
KRISTEN ASHLEY
Unfortunately, I never saw Pele play. What I know of him is through my grandfather, my dad's dad...
NEYMAR
Did you ever know, dear, how much you took away with you when you left? You have stripped me even of...
C.S. LEWIS
I let ya in—into my life...my death...my heart." He reached up like he was going to touch my face....
JANAE MITCHELL
It was traumatic for my children to see the British army en masse coming into our home and searching...
MARTIN MCGUINNESS
Building stuff. Lifting blocks. That's how I got stronger. I never lifted weights. I just did ma...
J. R. SMITH
I did not know whether I would ever speak to her or not or, if I spoke to her, how I could tell her ...
JAMES JOYCE
He is a sort of steady man in a wild way, you know. That's better than to be as some are, wild in a ...
THOMAS HARDY
Every inch of my writing career has been influenced by my screenwriting education. I was lucky enoug...
VICTORIA AVEYARD
The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN
The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN
My teammates have confidence in me. I spent Christmas break working on my shot, getting the shot off...
BRENT BENSON
Will you ever? I don’t think you will ever fully understand how you've touched my life and made me...
ERICA JONG
I don't think you will ever fully understand how you've touched my life and made me who I am. I don'...
ERICA JONG
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their live...
SUE MURPHY
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their live...
SUE MURPHY
I know just how devoted to this organisation you are. Draftees back in my day used to understand wha...
CHARLES STROSS
I was going to do that regardless of whether he got hurt or not. That's how I approach this. Ever si...
ROBERT FERGUSON
I can't tell you how proud I am of my people.
FRITZ CORRIGAN
I pop gum. My parents get so annoyed with me. I know my dad wishes he never taught me how to do that...
HILARY DUFF
But, Clifford, tell me, didst thou never hear, That things ill got had ever bad success?
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
I can't tell a lie, Pa; you know I can't tell a lie. I did cut it with my hatchet.
GEORGE WASHINGTON
Will you ever? I don’t think you will ever fully understand how you've touched my life and made me ...
ERICA JONG
Before he could even say a word, I said, 'You found my wallet,' ... How it got where (it was found) ...
ROBERT GIBSON
I had no desire to hear another woman tell my boyfriend how hot he was. If I wanted him to know, I'd...
RACHEL VINCENT
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their liv...
SUE MURPHY
Did you know that wasn’t me, the other Max?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“When?”
“...
JAMES PATTERSON
I watched how fast he skated and how hard he shot that puck. I wish I had an extra No. 7 in a red je...
WAYNE GRETZKY
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX
I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX
I don't know how I got involved in 'Celebrity Wife Swap.' It came from my agent Hugh. He...
GARY BUSEY
How do YOU know what God meant? Did he whisper into your ear? Did he put the knife in your heart? Di...
CHRISTINA ENGELA
So, tell me,” he whispers. “How fast did you climb those fourteen stories?”

Thomas ...
MARIE LU
I learned so much from my cousin (Alexander). I think he did things the right way. That's how he mad...
MILES DAVIS
All my fans tell me what a glamorous life I have, but I tell them how hard I work and how many night...
SHANNEN DOHERTY
How that young kid (did) that I don't know. I don't see how he could have done it. ... he may have c...
JACK BEAUDOIN
I don't wear a watch. How do I know my time? I find that someone will always tell me.
MICHAEL PATRICK KING
Yet if a woman never lets herself go, how will she ever know how far she might have got? If she neve...
GERMAINE GREER
I don't know how you can read into that because we've never had a felony charge before. How it could...
DAVE BRAINE
He didn't have an 'off' button. I'll never know how he did in 24 hours what he did.
DOUG SMITH
I want to live in my truth. Tell me you don't like me, and I know it. But when you don't tel...
LEE DANIELS
Anything that begins "I don't know how to tell you this" is never good news
RUTH GORDON
You want to know how I got these scars. I swallowed my pride and then it crawled its way out of my m...
RUDY FRANCISCO
I've been getting these all year. I don't know how he got his elbow as high as my face.
DAKOTA DURBIN
On defense, he never let anyone around his side. He was a headache for opponents. No one ever wanted...
DICK SCHAFRATH
You gonna back down so easy, little sister?. Not much wild about you, is there? I bet that cottage d...
STEPHENIE MEYER
My sources tell me we've got a good shot.
LEE SNYDER
I don't know how to tell a joke. I never tell jokes. I can tell stories that happened to me... a...
LUCILLE BALL
I wonder if you know how special you are; I wonder if you know how precious you are; I wonder if you...
HASSAN ALI
Don't cry."
"How can I not?" I asked him. "You just said you loved me."
"Well, why else di...
MEG CABOT
You never know how long Federer is going to play, but in my opinion he has at least one or two more ...
BJORN BORG
How do you tell how a man has been funny? How do you do the sound of his voice? The turn of his face...
SHELLEY BERMAN
I listen to my old records and I think, 'How did I ever get on the radio?'
DOLLY PARTON
I knew I was shot. Didn't know how bad it was. You know, in a weird way, your body kind of goes ...
STEVE SCALISE
The full thing is God-given. I don't know how I got my swing or what I did. I know I worked ever...
BRYCE HARPER
My audience was my life. What I did and how I did it, was all for my audience.
CAB CALLOWAY
What again I tell my people is that no matter how much you know, it's never enough. You will alw...
LAKHDAR BRAHIMI
Please tell him that we are so very proud of him. And I don't even know how he did today.
DAVE RADER
I don't think any of us ever thought we'd be getting the attention we do now, ... You look at my dad...
BUTCH HARMON
I can't tell you how many hot dogs I've eaten in my life.
SHIA LABEOUF
I ran into an extraordinary doctor. He got up inside my head and figured out how my brain processed ...
DARRELL HAMMOND
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX
I have new bodyguards ever since I got a TV show. I didn't know, but it's a lot like becomin...
SCOTT AUKERMAN
Did he tell you how this would affect your relationship,
DAVE HARRIS
I've got a life, you know, take me in the totality of my actions and I'll tell you, I will s...
BILL BENNETT
One of the main things I remember about that game is that I got my shot blocked - twice. And how muc...
RANDY FOYE
Carlyle said, "A lie cannot live"; it shows he did not know how to tell them.
MARK TWAIN
She smiled at him. “How did you know just what I’d want to see?”
“How could I not?” h...
CASSANDRA CLARE
I am amazed; until the day I die I shall wonder how Whittaker Chambers got into my house to use my t...
ALGER HISS
But how did you know? How did you know the pilot was lost?” “I didn’t. I used my wisdom, from ...
LOIS LOWRY

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX
I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX
I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX
Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX
Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX
What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX
One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX
I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX
I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX
A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX
Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX
I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX
I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX
I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX
We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX
Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX
I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX
If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX
Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
[When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX
I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX
Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX
If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX
Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX
And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX
Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX
Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX
Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX
I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX
I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX
Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX