Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.