Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

The patient says "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.