Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking.

Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend.

Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to engage in physical combat. Once, he hit me on the back of the head with a broken wineglass, and I fell to the floor pretending to be unconscious. That was romantic, or would have been had he rushed to my side rather than stepping over my body to fetch the dustpan.

This date had started as bland and was speeding right along to abysmal.

It sometimes seemed to him that for love to work, it had to be fair, that he should tell only half the joke, and she the other half. Otherwise, it would not be love, but something completely else–pity or entertainment, or stand-up comedy.

Relationships are about taking off the mask you wear to make someone like you and letting them see the real you. The one you hid all the time. The one you never thought was good enough to find love in the first place.