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Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you


Groucho Marx

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Don't look now but there's one man too many in this room and I think it's you!
BERT KALMAR I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER Theres a good reason I dont believe in God. No one that almighty, powerful, and rightoues, would eve...
NICHOLAS RYAN LAYMON All flowers in time bend towards the sun, I know you say theres no one for you, But here is one
JEFF BUCKLEY Dont look back in anger, I heard you say...
OASIS The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX When I was a kid, I thought movie stars were women and men who were in these great films that we sti...
LINDSAY LOHAN You think when you wake up in the mornin yesterday dont count. But yesterday is all that does count....
CORMAC MCCARTHY People think that they are untouchable, but you will probably find that there lives are built around...
GARY F EVANS... This is just one step in many. I think they look to be dominant in virtually everything they do.
JEFFREY EDELMAN I don't really think too many guys are really worried about it. You hear (about) it in the media and...
WAYNE PRIMEAU I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generatio...
JOE ROGAN Its very beautiful over there. I dont know where there is, but I believe its somewhere, and I hope i...
THOMAS EDISON GUERRERO BARBOSA But I believe this: by and large, the United States ought to be able to choose for its President any...
DWIGHT D EISENHOWER I don't think anybody in this locker room expected to be one game under .500 at this point. I don't ...
ANTHONY JOHNSON I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD I look around this room and I see so many people who have contributed so much to our community,
EDWARD FOX Theres only one thing i admire about emo children, they are the only people that can wear all black,...
NICHOLAS RYAN LAYMON I don't think I would look too good. I would probably get a few laughs out of the locker room.
HUNTER CANTWELL Now which way they're going to go ... I don't know. There are too many forces at work and too many p...
JAIME SUCHLICKI It's a foregone conclusion there's one carrier too many, ... But even with this, I don't think it's ...
ALEX BRAND When I was growing up in this county, I never would've thought we could get this many Republicans in...
JAMES PROCTOR You can say that you dont care what anyone thinks about you, but in the end, its all that really mat...
TIFFANY GARLAND Sometimes I think he overdoes it. If you think too much in this game you stop reacting to it. He's g...
JOE TORRE If you really want to step up your team's creative thinking, take a hard look at how many people...
PATRICK LENCIONI I don't think you can look at this project by itself. By itself, this might fly, but with all the ot...
DORIS BENNETT You might say "Life isn't fair!" and you only look at the negative. I say "Life has its ups and down...
K.M.L I didn't want to be a writer, but I became one. And now I have many readers, in many countries. ...
HARUKI MURAKAMI The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH The genius of the Marx Brothers is for parody. They never are themselves. They exist too abundantly ...
MARK VAN DOREN It was an event when you could get all three of them on the set at the same time. The minute you sta...
BUSTER KEATON It will be something nice to look back on later, but I don't really think about awards too much righ...
KARI KOCH This provision just goes too far. On its face it seems like a worthy concept, but when you look deep...
JEFF CRAVER I Dont Believe that Anybody Feels the Way I Do about You now.
OASIS I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE When you are on your purpose, your preoccupation isn't what you don't have yet. You've already drunk...
ASSEGID HABTEWOLD I open my eyes to see who I can truly be! Now I needa do me! Yea definitely. Its hard to tell the re...
LILLIAN S. VILORIA I don't think anybody did. We have too many days off and too many pitchers -- 15 were pitching for t...
DENNYS REYES It's hard to believe we've won two in a row. It's a different feeling this year. ... We didn't know ...
CALLIE WIDEL We dont know what were going to go home to, ... If we dont have anything anymore, Im not sure I want...
IAN WILLIAMSON He wasn't one of the captains, but he showed a lot of leadership in the room this year. And I think ...
FRED PERRY Manny:'Thats wat you do in a herd, you look out for each other.'
Sid:'I dont know about you guy...
ICE AGE I think that there is room obviously for many architects to work on this site. It's not going to be ...
DANIEL LIBESKIND its a metephor, see: you put the killing thing right between your teeth but you dont give it the pow...
JOHN GREEN no one knows why we are put on this earth i dont think any of them are true i dont even know why we ...
DALLY SALAD If theres one thing I can't stand, it's my brother's finger nails!
JULIAN "JUNEBUG" BUSSELLS Its going to add more time to our trips, but I dont foresee it to be any more difficult than it is t...
DAVID HUFFMAN You know, you seem like a completely different person, now that you're with this new boyfriend. You ...
ELIZABETH GILBERT I guess I had one too many bogeys this week. I had one.
DON POOLEY You only have one heart, but it can love the whole world and still have room to grow kindness in its...
DEBASISH MRIDHA No one but me can save myself though its too late, death greets me warm, now i will just say goodbye
JAMES HETFIELD You always look at what's possible, but that product (the Cobalt) is early in its cycle right now.
GARY COWGER Life is a one time opportunity, DONT waste it. Because once its gone its not coming back.
SONYA.E.WILLIAMS They were just walking early, and theres just not many horses that can outkick this one the last qua...
GARY STEVENS It seems like we're on top of the world right now. But I don't think guys in this locker room really...
CARSON PALMER Theres no electricity, stuff like that down there. Its a little different. Its going to be crazy.
AARON KATZ One of the problems we have in this country is that too many adults believe in Santa Claus, and too ...
LEE LAUER I think too many Democrats are too wimpy. But I think they're beginning to toughen up.
PAUL BEGALA This is my sixth year now. I've never seen this many all-stars in the locker room at the same time.
ADRIAN WILSON You're Nephilim," he said. "The Clave owes us protection in these circumstances."
...
"I d...
CASSANDRA CLARE Madness is to think of too many things in succession too fast, or of one thing too exclusively
VOLTAIRE I was shown into a room. A red room. Red wallpaper, red curtains, red carpet. They said it was a sit...
HUGH LAURIE We probably shouldn't mention the time we brought it in the house and put it in the great room when ...
DAN GARRY I am society's child, this is how they made me, and now I'm saying what's on my mind and they dont w...
TUPAC SHAKUR The soul is one in its nature, but its entities are many.
DAYANANDA SARASWATI I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it
GROUCHO MARX I need you here with me we look for our love but we dont find it im searching and searching, I reall...
SELENA GóMEZ I think in many ways we can some up now the one year anniversary of this terrible natural disaster t...
JAN EGELAND Now that sounds like a lot but its not a lot when you think of how many a day. I submit about 200 a ...
CAROLYN WILMAN I look for you in every life, but I don't always find you. And sometimes I find you too late.
KIRSTEN MILLER You look at their record and that big win against Midland and I think they're playing their best bas...
NATE ALTENHOFEN It's something we're watching, but not with great concern, ... I think there is room in the world fo...
ALICE RIVLIN I know for myself, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. If things fall our way this weekend, then great. ...
ERIC WARFIELD [But others point out that women still face many disadvantages in society.] Do I think its doomsday ...
JACQUELINE KING I think theres a little child in all of us and we all to often forget to let the child out to play.
DONNA A. FAVORS I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you...
BILL HICKS girl/boy..!! you do it again and again even after saying so many times..!! no no..!! dats it..!! its...
FAHEEM IQBAL dont read my diary when im gone, ok im going to work now , when you wake up please read my diary, lo...
KURT COBAIN Rockabye Baby, in the treetop
Dont you know a treetop
is no safe place to rock?
And who ...
SHEL SILVERSTEIN Rockabye Baby, in the treetop
Dont you know a treetop
is no safe place to rock?
And w...
SHEL SILVERSTEIN You cant live champagne life,if you cant buy beer.
I DONT KNOW I think women should be seductive, not triste. There's enough sadness in life now without making...
AZZEDINE ALAIA I think too many people look at the arts with a religious outlook. Arts, music, singing and performi...
VINCE VAUGHN If the big one sneezes, the smaller ones get pneumonia, ... It's too early to tell with Horizon, but...
JOHN FITZGIBBON I think in a lot of ways that the Cavaliers' performance mirrored the Gophers' performance or vice v...
GLEN MASON I have so many indulgences - way too many. But I think also you work out to be able to eat what you ...
ELSA HOSK do tou think i would speak for you? i dont even know your language
JUDD NELSON There are too many years around this table, too much time confined in one place.
RICHARD SMYTH I had this beer brewed just for me. I think its the best I ever tasted. And I've tasted a lot. I...
BILLY CARTER Don't think that this people are stupid, probably you have caught one, but you didn't finish your wo...
DEYTH BANGER I think that this is good luck this year. Some sun -- the report was not that great, but look at it ...
BARBARA PUFFER This is too simple for the brain to comprehend in its now chronically complicated condition.
BARRY LONG

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX