Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.

ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.

DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.

Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

LOGIC, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basic of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion --thus:_Major Premise_: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man._Minor Premise_: One man can dig a posthole in sixty seconds; therefore --_Conclusion_: Sixty men can dig a posthole in one second. This may be called the syllogism arithmetical, in which, by combining logic and mathematics, we obtain a double certainty and are twice blessed.

Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.