Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

A white boy that makes C's in College can make it to the White House

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

School shootings were invented by blacks, ... and stolen by the white man.

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?

I love being famous. It's almost like being white.