Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you kno...
BILL MAHER The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence brief...
BILL MAHER Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For w...
BILL MAHER You are what you do. It’s about actions.
BILL MAHER I have a high state of resentment for the conformity in this country. If you're not married and havi...
BILL MAHER We have a Bill of rights. What we need is a Bill of responsibilities.
BILL MAHER When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. That’s something I value. F...
BILL MAHER Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
BILL MAHER He had no further intercourse with Spirits, but lived upon the Total Abstinence Principle, ever afte...
BILL MAHER Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved ...
BILL MAHER Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'
BILL MAHER We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
BILL MAHER Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
BILL MAHER They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more ...
BILL MAHER I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
BILL MAHER To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll...
BILL MAHER To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tell...
BILL MAHER If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, ho...
BILL MAHER The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence brief...
BILL MAHER This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were grante...
BILL MAHER Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, t...
BILL MAHER We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in ...
BILL MAHER The House okayed the gasoline tax cut, which will increase the deficit, line the pockets of the oil ...
BILL MAHER When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. Thatâ€â...
BILL MAHER Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the "wil...
BILL MAHER Men are only as loyal as their options.
BILL MAHER Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think ...
BILL MAHER We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying...
BILL MAHER I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country bette...
BILL MAHER Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the k...
BILL MAHER New Rule: Someone must x-ray my stomach to see if the Peeps I ate on Easter are still in there, inta...
BILL MAHER We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops...
BILL MAHER Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit!
BILL MAHER Stop worrying. Hollywood won’t turn your daughter into a nymphomaniac or get her hooked on drugs.....
BILL MAHER [F]reedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that "Oh, I don't get involved in politics," ...
BILL MAHER Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit."
BILL MAHER In Lowell, Indiana, there was a four-hour hostage standoff in a bank. The bank customers were made t...
BILL MAHER If Bill Clinton was Moses, he would have come down with the Ten Suggestions.
BILL MAHER But isn't there something wrong when I'm the ONLY guy in the country that got fired for 9/11?
BILL MAHER We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's ov...
BILL MAHER Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they’ve...
BILL MAHER Mike has been a superb ambassador for Canisius College and has made significant contributions to the...
BILL MAHER The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce ...
BILL MAHER . . . remember, guns don't kill people -- unless you practice real hard.
BILL MAHER If you were on a sinking ship and yelled, "Women and children first!" how much feminist opposition d...
BILL MAHER Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what,...
BILL MAHER George Bush says, 'Gore's book needs a lot of explaining.' Of course, Bush says that about every boo...
BILL MAHER kids- there has to be some penalty for sex!
BILL MAHER Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
BILL MAHER I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation.
BILL MAHER Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to beco...
BILL MAHER Religion to me is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.
BILL MAHER The true Axis of Evil in America is the genius of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our p...
BILL MAHER The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.
BILL MAHER If you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHER Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is.
BILL MAHER I think what's dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.
BILL MAHER NEW RULE: 'Kidiots' Leave the children behind. At least until they learn something. A new study has ...
BILL MAHER Recently, there's been a trend in America that I find very disturbing . . . rewarding immoral and il...
BILL MAHER I was watching Ashlee Simpson on Jay's show last night... She was really singing, and I was saying, ...
BILL MAHER To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tells you th...
BILL MAHER Just honest. To me, being 'politically incorrect' means the opposite of being political -- which mea...
BILL MAHER The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a high...
BILL MAHER Jim Bakker spells his name with 2 k's because 3 would be too obvious
BILL MAHER And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has a pack in his b...
BILL MAHER That’s why I don’t have a religion. I don’t want to have to say that, okay, I agree with everythi...
BILL MAHER Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.
BILL MAHER President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite l...
BILL MAHER The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most cer...
BILL MAHER When you're twelve years old and you've just learned to spell 'bestiality',
BILL MAHER It's not a mystery to me what happened with 9/11. . . . These guys are out there. We knew they were ...
BILL MAHER Curious people are interesting people; I wonder why that is.
BILL MAHER Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I use...
BILL MAHER Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.
BILL MAHER Doctors said that the test most commonly used to screen for colon cancer doesn't go far enough. They...
BILL MAHER When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. That’s something I value. Fa...
BILL MAHER I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
BILL MAHER What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country
BILL MAHER Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Amer...
BILL MAHER A lot of people have warned President Clinton that Bosnia will turn into another Vietnam, which woul...
BILL MAHER Hi. You know with everything going down in West Palm Beach, and the holidays right around the corner...
BILL MAHER We survived the 1980's. Back then, the economic program was called "trickle down." That actually mea...
BILL MAHER Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
BILL MAHER It's all been satirized for your protection.
BILL MAHER I mean, I think, Iraqis, I think, feel that if we drove smaller cars, maybe we wouldn't have to kill...
BILL MAHER They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people i...
BILL MAHER I like groaning. That means that you're not pandering to their already settled prejudices.
BILL MAHER And she's always writing a book. It's always the same book. Slander. Treason. How many euphemisms ca...
BILL MAHER Abstinence is a perversion.
BILL MAHER A lot of good has come from drugs. I think 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon...
BILL MAHER Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.
BILL MAHER New Rule: Instead of killing 99.9 percent of germs, Lysol has to just go ahead and kill them all. Wh...
BILL MAHER And, corny as it may sound, I do cherish the bond between me and the audience, the minority that fol...
BILL MAHER This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that fo...
BILL MAHER New Rule: Stop leaving couches on the sidewalk. Besides being lazy and ugly, it's animal cruelty. Yo...
BILL MAHER New Rule: If you're one of the one-in-three married women who say your pet is a better listener than...
BILL MAHER First of all understand that I get it. That there are millions and millions of women who are steely ...
BILL MAHER First of all understand that I get it. That there are millions and millions of women who are steely ...
BILL MAHER New Rule: Just because a country elects a smart president doesn't make it a smart country. A couple ...
BILL MAHER New Rule: You don't have to teach both sides of a debate if one side is a load of crap. President Bu...
BILL MAHER I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.
BILL MAHER In New York now, they have Harvey Milk High School for gay students. They don't have much of a footb...
BILL MAHER Bob Dole admitted he used cocaine when he was in college, but then Coca-Cola changed its formula.
BILL MAHER I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurologic...
BILL MAHER Now I've got to get the computer fixed to get my goddamn windows up,
BILL MAHER People have romantic notions about television. In the highest realms they think it's some sort of ar...
BILL MAHER They" hate us because they feel--and "they" are not wrong--that it is within our power to do so much...
BILL MAHER Not doing anything is doing something and choosing to look away is a passive but no less mo...
BILL MAHER New Rule: If we want to find a place to cut government waste, we must start with the DEA rubber duck...
BILL MAHER The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religi...
BILL MAHER New Rule: Stop putting all those pillows on the bed. Attention, interior designers, hotel maids, and...
BILL MAHER NEW RULE: 'Kidiots' Leave the children behind. At least until they learn something. A new study has ...
BILL MAHER We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It'...
BILL MAHER New Rule: Since Glenn Beck is clearly onto us, liberals must launch our plan for socialist dominatio...
BILL MAHER New Rule: There's only one thing to say about the Christian Film and Television Commission giving me...
BILL MAHER Stop saying drug use makes people lazy. Jimi Hendrix did a lot of drugs, even though he's been dead ...
BILL MAHER We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels & free thinkers. It's ...
BILL MAHER Women are also property in our bible; adultery is a property crime in the Old Testament, not a sex c...
BILL MAHER Republicans are taking the defeat over Health Care as well as Tiger Woods took to marriage.
BILL MAHER Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
BILL MAHER What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.
BILL MAHER Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.
BILL MAHER It's all been satirized for your protection.
BILL MAHER Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think tha...
BILL MAHER The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is ...
BILL MAHER Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat the...
BILL MAHER New rule: Tulips aren't flowers. They're some kind of gay onion.
BILL MAHER Confidence is courage at ease.
DANIEL MAHER Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a ...
PETER MAHER Starting a new job is always scary, or at least for me it's always scary. It's like the firs...
SEAN MAHER My colleague, Chuck, said -- I know it sounds like such an exaggeration -- but we felt like we were ...
SUSAN MAHER The rise in output prices ... will not ruffle the doves unduly when the Monetary Policy Committee me...
DARAGH MAHER The rise in output prices ... will not ruffle the doves unduly when the MPC meets next month to deci...
DARAGH MAHER It's not just 1,500 servers, but a collection of 1,500 servers that act like a single computer syste...
CHRIS MAHER It's a savage profit warning for the UK, with numbers for 2006/07 likely to shift materially below c...
CHRISTIAN MAHER It's a savage profit warning for the UK with the number for 2007 likely to shift materially below cu...
CHRISTIAN MAHER If the BOJ can deliver an exit strategy without creating undue political friction, it could be the c...
DARAGH MAHER There is a big hangover from soft U.S. data we had yesterday which worked in the direction of dollar...
DARAGH MAHER If they all go real fast at the same time you get a traffic jam and performance goes down.
CHRIS MAHER It's a savage profit warning for the UK, with numbers for 2006/07 likely to shift materially below c...
CHRISTIAN MAHER The outlook is worse than we had hoped.
CHRISTIAN MAHER The move (to sell) is not illogical given the lack of control, but it is slightly at odds with the c...
CHRISTIAN MAHER It's a savage profit warning for the UK.
CHRISTIAN MAHER Hopefully, that will give our players a little bit of incentive to prove to their fans, their friend...
KIM MAHER But I felt the moral obligation to help prevent what happened to me from happening to our people.
MAHER ARAR They are doing this to people and it is wrong, wrong, wrong. This is an evil practice, and I want th...
MAHER ARAR He always wants to come with me. He insists, and he cries if I can't take him. He's afraid that if I...
MAHER ARAR I still have the nightmares. I see the same person who tortured me in my dreams.
MAHER ARAR They kept telling me, 'You are a liar,'
MAHER ARAR You have to understand, for a torture victim, this is an independent confirmation, ... And I would c...
MAHER ARAR C&W has announced a sharply lower outlook for UK profitability in 2007, underlining our fears about ...
CHRISTIAN MAHER Certainly, the tone of the Inflation Report did not hint at such a pronounced division within the ce...
DARAGH MAHER You can imagine the kind of problems you can solve with this, like a tsunami warning device that wou...
CHRIS MAHER Our customers are going to push us in that direction.
MAHER MASRI I'd be a bit nervous about the pound's rally recently. We've not seen enough evidence of a pickup in...
DARAGH MAHER There are concerns that the revival in euro zone business confidence has been driven by the external...
DARAGH MAHER The industry news remains dire and the brief outlook given here for 2007 is worse than we had hoped.
CHRISTIAN MAHER Matisse is light years ahead of VI [Eclipse Visual Interface].
MAHER MASRI One month's out performance does not mean the long-awaited consumer revival has arrived.
DARAGH MAHER In essence, it's not so much what Penn State does, but it's how we're going to react to them. If we ...
KIM MAHER The outlook remains unchanged, but the business has to pedal faster on subscriber growth to offset f...
CHRISTIAN MAHER The word 'fairy' conjures up images of cute little creatures, so I don't use it. I use 'metahominids...
F.R. MAHER ...I tried to pretend that what we were enacting was nothing more than an intricate kind of handshak...
KATHLEEN MAHER The Fed is going to keep going.
DARAGH MAHER Structural nervousness creeps into the market from time to time but interest rates still favor the d...
DARAGH MAHER It's not clear what will happen to Europe. A lot of questions have been raised by this vote and none...
DARAGH MAHER I don't see (Snow) deviating from the same script at all this week.
DARAGH MAHER The dollar is drifting downwards. There is an inclination to sell dollars -- the current account def...
DARAGH MAHER The sense over the last few days seems to be that the dollar is reasonably well supported. We have h...
DARAGH MAHER There's a justifiable degree of cynicism about the new coalition. People are unsure about what it wi...
DARAGH MAHER Usually the case of teams that are fairly similar, one team is going to let up mentally.
KIM MAHER To be all gloom and doom about what happened is to miss what New Orleans is all about.
JERRY MAHER This is Curtis Martin .
GERALD MAHER Mike, you never sent any Raiders to me.
GERALD MAHER These guys are human beings, not pieces of meat. But so many get concussions and don't tell anybody,...
GERALD MAHER The board is not going to make any decision before permits are issued.
JOE MAHER I can understand the young kids playing inconsistently, but it's our experienced players I have no a...
JOE MAHER We had good opportunities and couldn't score and they took advantage of our mistakes. It comes down ...
JOE MAHER Both team's probably each hit the cross bar or post about five times.
JOE MAHER We needed to get more size up front. We were getting pushed around and knocked off the ball too much...
JOE MAHER We need to get some consistency there.
JOE MAHER Defensively, we are pretty solid, but on the offensive side we have some question marks. Between our...
JOE MAHER Simon's almost naive in a sense. They live in a world where people have to be selfish and fight for ...
SEAN MAHER I know people will have some questions.
TOM MAHER The shadow self is what lies beneath the makeup. It’s those ugly parts that you haven’t accepted...
NATHAN REESE MAHER Patches don’t look it, but when attached to your soul they can get pretty heavy. They go over the ...
NATHAN REESE MAHER Because I am, just as you are you. We don’t always get to pick who we are, Shelly Wynn, but we can...
NATHAN REESE MAHER All is as if the world did cease to exist. The city's monuments go unseen, its past unheard, and its...
NATHAN REESE MAHER Cry no tears for us, my friend.” I pry at her fingers, panicking to be released in fear that she m...
NATHAN REESE MAHER That’s a stupid name! Whirly-gig is much better, I think. Who in their right
mind would point...
NATHAN REESE MAHER I rouse Emily to our guests, as she finishes off our fifteenth snowman by setting the head atop its ...
NATHAN REESE MAHER She leaves my side and heads deeper into
the apartment singing, “—if the spirit tries to hi...
NATHAN REESE MAHER I steal one glance over my shoulder as soon as we are far from the foreboding luminance of the neon ...
NATHAN REESE MAHER History doesn’t start with a tall building
and a card with your name written on it, but jokes...
NATHAN REESE MAHER Did Bach ever eat
pancakes at midnight?
NATHAN REESE MAHER I can’t help but ask, “Do you know where you are?”
She turns to me with a foreboding glar...
NATHAN REESE MAHER There is a stillness between us, a period of restlessness that ties my stomach
in a hangman’s...
NATHAN REESE MAHER Call me crazy, but there is something terribly wrong with this city.
NATHAN REESE MAHER Do we not each dream of dreams? Do we not dance on the notes of lost
memories? Then are we not ...
NATHAN REESE MAHER It’s no big deal. It’s kind of like a tattoo. It won’t hurt, not too much, just a few stitches...
NATHAN REESE MAHER