Experience, or what we call experience, is not the inventory of our pains, but rather the learned sympathy towards the pain of others.

There is no more disastrous mania, no more dangerous whim, than the speculation over roads not taken.

End this pathetic deception! I know you're hiding martians in your head!! Gimme them martians! I am going to put butter on them!! Martians!! Grrr!!

I never killed anyone. I avoid going over that edge by writing about a guy who has taken a flying leap over it.

I happen to have a certain fondness for existing--soda wouldn't have that lovely fizzy feeling if you were dead. Think of all the things you would miss: Cartoons, music, movies, video games, music, art, fingernail growth, sex...well, perhaps not sex, depending on how weird your mortician is.

One day I will rule the world with a goat by my side!