FastSaying

Fuck the drug war. Dropping acid was a profound turning point for me, a seminal experience. I make no apologies for it. More people should do acid. It should be sold over the counter.


George Carlin

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As of Jan. 1, any packaged food that does not have trans fatty acid labeling should not be sold.
ALICE LICHTENSTEIN I'm not regretful about dropping acid, but I could have stopped it a little sooner.
DAVID CARRADINE We should be ready for a change.
DEYTH BANGER More sugar will make it taste less acid.
HILDEGARDE HEYMANN Music is an over-the-counter drug for me, I overdose regularly.
DEDRICK D. L. PITTER Acid runs through his body all the time. High levels of acid all the time. It got to the point his k...
LORI SANCHEZ I think I did every drug known to mankind, smoked crack, boozed, dropped acid, you name it.
KID ROCK Balance is key in cooking - you want a little acid, a little sweet, a little savory - the flavors sh...
GAIL SIMMONS (All the grief she had suffered over her lifetime had moulded her face into a mask of eternal sadnes...
JEAN SASSON For I, hearing my Lord's estate amongst many more estates was to be sold, and that the wives of ...
MARGARET CAVENDISH For acid-loving plants, soil preparation should be done well in advance. Lowering soil pH is much tr...
HUGH SAVOY I could sell used battery acid and make it fly.
DAN AYKROYD More people should apologize, and more people should accept apologies when sincerely made.
GREG LEMOND I have spend a lot of time on everything and what's impresses me about people I have written that in...
DEYTH BANGER A clear passion, a resolute determination, a can-do spirit; these are the rods for creating a great ...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR I rushed to the bathroom for every corner of the hospital was suffocating. I got hold of acid-bottle...
MEHEK BASSI I had heard about them [acid tests] and was deeply offended along with everybody else in my sort of ...
JOHN PERRY BARLOW Do not be afraid of failure, it is part of the learning process
SOTONYE ANGA A museum show is the acid test for photojournalism.
RICHARD LACAYO Could it be? Samantha Kingston? Home? On a Friday?”
I roll my eyes. “I don’t know. Did y...
LAUREN OLIVER You can't be a pussy all your life Todd. Someday you're just gonna have to say fuck it.
DONALD RAY POLLOCK Fortunately, my care factor was now dangerously close to fuck-it levels.
KYLIE SCOTT I think that Hiphop should be a pulpit for the people.
SLICK RICK What will make you a star is in you
SOTONYE ANGA It'a okay to take some break from the crucible steep of stairs that you want to try to achieve, as l...
LAURE96 I choose bold. I choose action. I choose what's right for the people. I choose to make a differe...
BILL RICHARDSON The truth is that Leon, like a lot of those-maybe everyone-who trips on acid, never really came back...
CRAIG FERGUSON You should know I disagree with a lot of traditional advice. For instance, they say the best revenge...
MINDY KALING In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take prozac to...
UNKNOWN And George Carlin was a guy that the more he aged the younger he seemed.
KEVIN SMITH I wanted to learn everything I could about what it takes to be a great chef. It was a turning point ...
THOMAS KELLER What a profound responsibility it is to do this work. Historians will consider this a turning point.
FRANCIS COLLINS She was hyperventilating. Acid started turning up in her stomach. By the time she got away from ever...
ANDREA STILLMAN Yes, but personally I was never a big acid head.
BILL GRIFFITH It is a lie.
ARTHUR MILLER That showed me how much any performer should be putting into it. That was really amazing. Angry, ric...
DEAN TURNER 'What war?' said the Prime Minister sharply. 'No one has said anything to me about a war. I really t...
EVELYN ARTHUR ST. JOHN WAUGH When you make lemonade, you add lemon not just for the flavor. Even Kool-Aid has acid.
HILDEGARDE HEYMANN I was on acid and I looked at the trees and I realized that they all came to points, and the little ...
HARRY NILSSON I was on acid and I looked at the trees and I realized that they all came to points, and the little ...
HARRY NILSSON I do think Nevada was a turning point for us.
GUS HAUSER It now seems certain that the amino acid sequence of any protein is determined by the sequence of ba...
FRANCIS CRICK The king may rule the kingdom, but it's the queen who moves the board.
D.M. TIMNEY I don’t regret for a single moment having lived for pleasure.
I did it to the full, as one s...
OSCAR WILDE My grandma was a church organist for 40 years, and she got me into jazz music and great songwriters,...
ZACH ANNER The seven words George Carlin said you couldn’t say on TV or radio (“fuck,” “piss,” “shi...
MARY NORRIS Reach out and help others. If you have the power to make someone happy, do it. Be a vessel, be the c...
GERMANY KENT Unfortunately it makes the unambiguous determination of triplets by these methods much more difficul...
FRANCIS CRICK Haze doesn't just block the solar radiation. It is also infamous for acid rain and respiratory disea...
YUN QIAN Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which i...
SENECA (SENECA THE ELDER) Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which i...
LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which i...
SENECA For starters, that’s a rather simple principle of Time Travel right there – and according to the...
CHRISTINA ENGELA Anger's like a battery that leaks acid right out of me
And it starts from the heart 'til it rea...
CRISS JAMI You really need to have the folic acid taken on a regular basis three months prior to conception. Pr...
DR. HEMA DASILVA There could be no fairer destiny for any physical theory than that it should point the way to a more...
ALBERT EINSTEIN And they say
She's in the class A Team
Stuck in her daydream
Been that way since eigh...
ED SHEERAN I'm a champion for personal differences. I have no sympathy for drug companies that can't fi...
GEORGE M. CHURCH I've always thought George Carlin was brilliant.
VICKI LAWRENCE Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which...
SOURCE UNKNOWN Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which...
MARK TWAIN I think fine dining should be part of the community where it is, more than just for the people who a...
DANIEL BOULUD Why should I apologize for being a HACKER? Has anyone ever apologized for turning me into one?
HARSH MOHAN Do. Then talk. In that order.
SOTERO M LOPEZ II Acid thrown in someone's face is pretty unique. You gotta be pretty twisted. It was pretty nasty.
DARREN MARINO Is there something in your spirit that keeps telling you it should be different: more interesting, m...
DAVID BRAZZEAL It is naive to assume any over-the-counter scheme for the morning-after pill would be effective. A 1...
WENDY WRIGHT One thing is the proton affinity of an amino-acid residue when the amino acid is dissolved in a lot ...
CLAUDIO GROSMAN War should belong to the tragic past, to history: it should find no place on humanity's agenda for t...
POPE JOHN PAUL II This is the place where I made it to the big leagues. It should be exciting for me. It should be a g...
AARON HOLBERT If Stephen King was a killer, he will be the best killer ever existed, check out his novels, check o...
DEYTH BANGER Success can locate and visit you even if you are static wherever you are... But you are responsible ...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR I was a pot dealer. I did micro-dot acid, crack cocaine -- I did it all. ... If I can contribute to ...
LINDA HUMPHREY People do make mistakes and I think they should be punished. But they should be forgiven and given t...
DAVID MILLAR No military timetable should compel war when a successful outcome, namely a disarmed Iraq may be fea...
DOUGLAS HURD Well, I'm kinda like George Carlin. I think that there ought to be a time where everybody should...
MERLE HAGGARD I was on acid and I looked at the trees and I realized that they all came to points, and the little ...
HARRY NILSSON Drop down someone else's shoe and run to take your own quickly. Don't hire your own to anybody, else...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR Name the fears that are holding you back. It's the equivalent of flooding the boogeyman with light.
GINA GREENLEE I know some people might think it odd - unworthy even - for me to have written a cookbook, but I mak...
MAYA ANGELOU The brain needs this fatty acid. It can't get it anywhere else.
JOYCE NETTLETON You don’t expect the goat to hatch the hen’s eggs. People do what they know very well. Don’t e...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR I suppose at heart it was the haircut that did it; that exploded the ordinary order of things and sh...
MICHAEL CUNNINGHAM This should be one of the more competitive years for the tournament. It should be a dandy.
LUIS ZARATE Acid wasn't getting a whole lot of bad press at the time, and as I saw the whole bad-press thing...
TOMMY RETTIG Life depends on you and your choices. The real value of your life largely depends on what you do wit...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH [While initially, Democrats hesitated to call for an outright concession, by the end of the day many...
BYRON DORGAN Flood vehicles can be sold for their parts. There isn't a single vehicle that came out of Katrina th...
ART SPINELLA Just like any one of us, they started with no road map or guarantee of success. But they went out an...
CAMILLE SWEENEY For the act that was committed, he should be put in the very maximum security... it should be more.
CHARLES HAYES The British Red Cross asked me to help them spearhead a fundraising campaign for the victims of the ...
BIANCA JAGGER At 17, the first time I saw a dead body, I froze. By 31 it was a natural occurrence for me, and no g...
LEYMAH GBOWEE A man who says that no patriot should attack the war until it is over... is saying no good son shoul...
GILBERT K. CHESTERTON Cats are true carnivores. While you may choose a vegetarian lifestyle, don't assume it's healthier f...
PAM JOHNSON-BENNETT If God dropped acid, would he see people?
STEVEN WRIGHT I can make no apologies for following my heart.
GAVIN ROSSDALE Success is a choice; you choose it and work it out! Excellence is deliberate and so it is intentiona...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR It was just [cowardice]. That's trying to hurt people and there should be no place in the game for t...
PAT QUINN As I have been saying for more than a year now, turning this vital mission over to the Iraqi people ...
HOWARD COBLE I will make no apologies, ever, for protecting the lives and the safety of the American people. We h...
CHRIS CHRISTIE

More George Carlin

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they...
GEORGE CARLIN I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLIN Electricity is really just organized lightning.
GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
GEORGE CARLIN The status quo sucks.
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.
I see a glass that's twice as bi...
GEORGE CARLIN When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
GEORGE CARLIN Religion is just mind control.
GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN Always do whatever's next.
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, W...
GEORGE CARLIN One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLIN Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don...
GEORGE CARLIN Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the
separation of Church and State.
... These two institution...
GEORGE CARLIN What do dogs do on their day off?; Can't lie around – that's their job!
GEORGE CARLIN That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
GEORGE CARLIN Meow” means “woof” in cat.
GEORGE CARLIN Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reaso...
GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLIN People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'Fo...
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ...
GEORGE CARLIN I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuc...
GEORGE CARLIN Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches e...
GEORGE CARLIN It was my uncle who taught me about the birds and the bees. He sat me down one day and said, 'Rememb...
GEORGE CARLIN How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
GEORGE CARLIN I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is ...
GEORGE CARLIN How is it possible to have a civil war?
GEORGE CARLIN The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save ...
GEORGE CARLIN We’re so self-important. Everybody’s going to save something now. “Save the trees, save the be...
GEORGE CARLIN Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will...
GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
GEORGE CARLIN I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for ...
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-
GEORGE CARLIN Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're hav...
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too la...
GEORGE CARLIN Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fa...
GEORGE CARLIN Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year t...
GEORGE CARLIN Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook
GEORGE CARLIN Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one h...
GEORGE CARLIN Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck
GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity
GEORGE CARLIN Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institution...
GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN ... And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're ...
GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you i...
GEORGE CARLIN I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Buil...
GEORGE CARLIN Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to t...
GEORGE CARLIN Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American be...
GEORGE CARLIN I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Ky...
GEORGE CARLIN The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is
GEORGE CARLIN He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck thi...
GEORGE CARLIN There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
GEORGE CARLIN Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLIN Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
GEORGE CARLIN Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
GEORGE CARLIN 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I ...
GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than...
GEORGE CARLIN If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN Personally, if I were trying to discourage people from smoking, my sign would be a little different....
GEORGE CARLIN Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom
GEORGE CARLIN Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
GEORGE CARLIN Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience memb...
GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She sai...
GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLIN The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLIN You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
GEORGE CARLIN At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
GEORGE CARLIN Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain,
For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the...
GEORGE CARLIN Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.
GEORGE CARLIN When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse
GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it d...
GEORGE CARLIN Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLIN Everyone smiles in the same language.
GEORGE CARLIN But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the wh...
GEORGE CARLIN My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm ...
GEORGE CARLIN I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it&...
GEORGE CARLIN It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class...
GEORGE CARLIN I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
GEORGE CARLIN When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ...
GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she tol...
GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
GEORGE CARLIN I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
GEORGE CARLIN When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the...
GEORGE CARLIN Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Th...
GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning...
GEORGE CARLIN Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "Y...
GEORGE CARLIN It's never just a game when you're winning.
GEORGE CARLIN If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delight...
GEORGE CARLIN If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed...
GEORGE CARLIN I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll b...
GEORGE CARLIN I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
GEORGE CARLIN Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dish...
GEORGE CARLIN Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
GEORGE CARLIN As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to...
GEORGE CARLIN Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLIN Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!
GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that b...
GEORGE CARLIN If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him
GEORGE CARLIN In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum called the Caesarian Section
GEORGE CARLIN If it requires a uniform it's a worthless endeavor
GEORGE CARLIN The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elect...
GEORGE CARLIN The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of you...
GEORGE CARLIN Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
GEORGE CARLIN we get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
GEORGE CARLIN When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a ...
GEORGE CARLIN You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar
GEORGE CARLIN Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can...
GEORGE CARLIN If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem
GEORGE CARLIN In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
GEORGE CARLIN When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can th...
GEORGE CARLIN Don’t just teach your children to read…
Teach them to question what they read.
Teach t...
GEORGE CARLIN Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
GEORGE CARLIN I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with...
GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, c...
GEORGE CARLIN I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves ...
GEORGE CARLIN Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. A...
GEORGE CARLIN There's also way too much religion in the South to be consistent with good mental health.

GEORGE CARLIN So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” And anyone who can’...
GEORGE CARLIN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.
GEORGE CARLIN Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
GEORGE CARLIN I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. There's ...
GEORGE CARLIN I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individual...
GEORGE CARLIN When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. ...
GEORGE CARLIN If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed ...
GEORGE CARLIN There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It se...
GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten
GEORGE CARLIN [On school uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now the...
GEORGE CARLIN Life is a series of dogs
GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she tol...
GEORGE CARLIN So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
GEORGE CARLIN I read that Monica Seles got stabbed. And although I have nothing against Monica Seles, I'm glad som...
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-.
GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it daw...
GEORGE CARLIN They call it the 'American Dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like
GEORGE CARLIN Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the ...
GEORGE CARLIN I have no emotional stake in Panda fucking.
GEORGE CARLIN Jesus was a cross dresser
GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth
GEORGE CARLIN The word bipartisan means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out
GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity
GEORGE CARLIN What makes me nervous is when I am at an airport and the stewardess says get on the plane. I say fuc...
GEORGE CARLIN Most people with low self-esteem have earned it
GEORGE CARLIN If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter
GEORGE CARLIN If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else
GEORGE CARLIN I don't vote. Two reasons. First of all it's meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long ti...
GEORGE CARLIN If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
GEORGE CARLIN I believe you can joke about anything.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm the creative type,
GEORGE CARLIN When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons
GEORGE CARLIN Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
GEORGE CARLIN He had a sort of pain that was fairly evident.
GEORGE CARLIN Rich White Men Don't Care About Poor Black People
GEORGE CARLIN You get to play with people's little danger zones.
GEORGE CARLIN 'We hope you enjoy your stay in Chicago or wherever your final destination may be.' All destinations...
GEORGE CARLIN When you stress individualism, as this country does; materialism, as this country does; personal wea...
GEORGE CARLIN In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first.
GEORGE CARLIN In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing
GEORGE CARLIN I went straight from shenanigans to cries against humanity
GEORGE CARLIN A man came up to me on the street and said I used to be messed up out of my mind on drugs but now I'...
GEORGE CARLIN I tell ya, if I hadn't chosen the career of being a performer, I think linguistics would have been a...
GEORGE CARLIN If you’re reading it in a book, folks, it ain’t self-help. It’s help.
GEORGE CARLIN If the Reds were baseball's first team, who did they play?
GEORGE CARLIN What if Alexander Graham Bell's name were Alexander Graham Siren? The phone wouldn't ring, it would ...
GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that bi...
GEORGE CARLIN Excuse me, officer, but would you mind bringing the wreckage a little closer this way? My wife can't...
GEORGE CARLIN Everything beeps now
GEORGE CARLIN You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic
GEORGE CARLIN Think about it,
GEORGE CARLIN I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and...
GEORGE CARLIN Most people are not particularly good at anything
GEORGE CARLIN I enjoy watching reruns of Saturday Night Live and counting all the dead people
GEORGE CARLIN When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ...
GEORGE CARLIN What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30 years,>Read People Magazine your...
GEORGE CARLIN One thing i don't understand is sex is legal and selling things is legal but selling sex is illegal.
GEORGE CARLIN “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
GEORGE CARLIN If a piece requires some specific inflection, I'll record it. I take a lot of notes, and later categ...
GEORGE CARLIN Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
GEORGE CARLIN