He's not the Messiah - he's a very naughty boy.

Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly! Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity. Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah! Followers: He is! He is the Messiah! Brian: Now, fuck off! [silence] Arthur: How shall we fuck off, O Lord?

There's nothing an agnostic can't do if he doesn't know whether he believes in anything or not

He's not pining, he's passed on. This parrot is no more. He has ceased to be. He's expired and gone to meet his maker. He's a stiff, bereft of life, he rests in peace. If you hadn't have nailed him to the perch he'd be pushing up the daisies. He's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot!

It's funny, isn't it? How your best friend can just blow up like that?

'What? Ridden on a horse?'
'Yes'
'You're using coconuts!'
'What?'
'You've got two empty halves of coconuts and you're banging them together!'
'So?'