Home is heaven and orgies are vile/ But you need an orgy, once in a while.

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Were it not for frustration and humiliation
I suppose the human race would get ideas above its station.

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind, But it is very difficult to treat because it cannot even be defined, Because everything is not gold that glisters and everything is not a tear that glistens, And one man's remorse is another man's reminiscence

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.