I had a very lonely New Year's this year, I had to watch my own balls drop.

I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.

After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.

I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody.

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.