I have a feeling we're mooning a mean junkyard dog, all brave and laughing - until the dog's leash breaks

We made it back to the airport without getting mugged, stoned, shot at, pounced on, bombed, shelled, garroted, gassed, pitched into, caught in a cross fire, sniped at, blockaded, napalmed, or trip-wired. No one even hit us with a water balloon.

It's okay to laugh, you know. The earth's not going to split open. You're not going to hell. Believe me. If there's a hell, I'll be there ahead of you, and they'll be too busy with me to even check you in.

All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.

I’ve just found out I’m allergic to nut-cases

What goes up must come down. Which is why we invented Viagra, to make it stay up a little longer.