I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. On and off. On and off. One day I got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!"

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

He's just a freak. Whenever he wants to turn it on, he just has this switch.

We try to flip on the switch too much. We think we can just turn it on. We've got to flip the switch on when the game starts. We can't feel like we can turn it on when our backs are against the wall and come back.