I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did.

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother -- you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.

The jealousy stems out of a sickness.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.