I have the best of both worlds...I get his money...and his second wife has to live with him.

My entire relationship was defined at the perfume counter. I was buying Obsession for him and he was buying Poison for me.

I'm a terrible cook, at our house dinner time is a chicken wing and a prayer.

Ross: First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault.

The facebook was responsible for his marriage and the same facebook was responsible for his divorce, so he always says that facebook hath given and facebook hath taken away, blessed be the name of facebook

Marriage is grand. Divorce is twenty grand.