I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.

I think that's why they have so many relgious freaks in the airports...they even keep the flowers behind the counter 'Go, go my children...be fruitful and annoy."

I love key lime pie, although it's never made the proper way.

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

I can make things, but I don't cook them, exactly. Like salmon, I can stick that in a pan. Or the other day I made noodles, but they were hard. It never occurred to me to check them; I just stopped cooking them when I felt they were ready. Really, I'm too absentminded.

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'