I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, 'Here, lady... take your purse.'

I ran three miles today. Finally I said, "Lady take your purse."

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'

You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I'm going to mop the floor with your face.' I said, 'You'll be sorry.' He said, 'Oh, yeah? Why?' I said, 'Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.'