I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

Now that my wine has been served in the White House, why not me? Who could talk to farmers better than I? Somebody even asked me the other day if I had anything in my platform about taxes. 'Hell yes,' I said. 'Great state. But I wouldn't want to live there.'

I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show.

All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.

I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good.

Wine is something to enjoy. We get sick and tired of people who pick it apart and talk about its 'saucy nuances.'