I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good.

I have never understood the Iowa caucus.

Now that my wine has been served in the White House, why not me? Who could talk to farmers better than I? Somebody even asked me the other day if I had anything in my platform about taxes. 'Hell yes,' I said. 'Great state. But I wouldn't want to live there.'

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

If you're old enough to be arrested, you're old enough to carry a gun.